I was in a long-term relationship with a rollercoaster operator.

It had it's ups and downs.

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📅︎ Aug 14 2019
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I'm convinced that the music they played at high school dances is part of the reason our generation struggles to maintain long-term relationships.

If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago.

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📅︎ Aug 04 2021
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Ice-Cream Puns

What happens after you eat an entire gallon of “All Natural” ice cream? You get Breyer’s remorse!


How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.


How do astronauts eat their ice creams? In floats!


What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a’la mode.


What does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.


Why don’t they make ice cream from breast milk? It’s an udderly bad idea!


Where is the best place to get an ice cream? IN A SUNDAY SCHOOL.


What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What’s the scoop


Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.


Your evil stepdad isn’t “presidential” just because he got you ice cream and told you things would change after

beating the shit out of you.


In 1973 my dad left to get ice cream and never came back. Mom says he’s probably just lost because he hates stopping to ask for directions.


If my house catches fire after I’ve sat down with a bowl of ice cream, I’m going down like the goddamn captain of a ship.


I try not to judge people based on first impressions but if I see you put gummy bears on your ice cream stay away from me and my family.


Guy on my train: a crowded Amtrak on a freezing day is the right time and place for me to enjoy a big ass ice cream cone


What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream


What happens after you eat an entire gallon of “All Natural” ice cream? You get Breyer’s remorse!


How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.


How do astronauts eat their ice creams? In floats!


What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a’la mode.


The new Baywatch Official Trailer reminds me that bathing suit season is right around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the ice cream truck.


You can buy eel-flavored ice cream in Japan.I guess if you are out of chocolate and vanilla.


Being in a long term relationship and seeing your partner naked is like driving a hearse that plays ice cream truck music. Mixed emotions


I wish I had as much hope as the guy driving the ice cream truck around in February.


MC Hammer eats a lot of ice cream every day because as a kid his parents told him, “U Can’t Touch This”


On May 2nd a drunk driver almost ended my life.

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Punsville
📅︎ May 27 2017
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Got my students today

I'm explaining problem solving to my HS freshmen physical science class and I get to the part about the formula, which I call a "relationship". I say that I, personally, am in a long term relationship with my ex-girlfriend. "I thought you were married" a bunch shout out. I am, my wife used to be my girlfriend.

Groans ensued, but the best part was one young lady shaking her head saying "I hate you so much Mr. RichardCranium_"

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📅︎ Mar 11 2015
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A cruel jest, but I was proud of it!

So the other day during a 20 minute break at University, some of my classmates got onto the discussion of relationships. One lad (to my suprise) ended things with his long term girlfriend, somebody asked why. To which he would only say:

"It just wasn't working."

A sudden rush of sadism crawled up me, and I couldn't bottle it up. I immediately blurted out:

"You know they have drugs that can help you with that."

I was met with both shocked looks or empty stares. Still, my mates had a laugh about it when I told them afterwards.

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📅︎ Oct 08 2014
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