Who can drink 6 liters of gasoline and not get sick?

Jerry can.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GonnaGoFat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I love measuring density in nanograms over liters.

Itโ€™s true...ngL!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dah_uja2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
told my wife i couldn't carry 20 liters of fuel

and she told me she knew someone who could, so I asked who

she said: jerrycan

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xcessivehunter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My health conscious date asked me how many liters are there in a glass of coke.

I said 4 liters, 9 if you include the glass.

She said: "What!?"

Me: Yea.

Liter C.

Liter O.

Liter K.

Liter E.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 105
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Decrith
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
It was always super sad watching my dad being barely able to lift 2-liter bottles of Pepsi.

He was soda pressing.

Edit: better (Hawaiian) punch line

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/beetlebath
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
This liter-ally made me laugh
๐Ÿ‘︎ 156
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/oHoax
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Supreme Leader Drinks a Supremeยฎ Liter
๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/getzucked
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Literal puns are the best
๐Ÿ‘︎ 105
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/loot98
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Literal pun patrol
๐Ÿ‘︎ 306
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ellaAir
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Literal pun
๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bigjambo1
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Literal Puns are his forte.

So I walk into the kitchen and see my Dad grab a big knife to cut some vegetables. "Whoa Dad, thought you just drew a knife on me." He proceeds to grab a sharpie and draw a knife on my forearm, then continues his vegetable chopping.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CheshireCatXD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The name of next year is literally

2020 won

๐Ÿ‘︎ 241
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LegitTurboDude
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Interviewer: Your resume says you take things too literally

Me: When did my resume learn to talk?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 31
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sarcasticpremed
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My girlfriend said I need to stop taking things too literally

I asked her, "Who's Literally?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/XenonNade
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

A comma.

A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 72
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SmartassBrickmelter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Ring...ring...
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/D0NW0N
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The genie asked, "Whatโ€™s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "Whatโ€™s your second wish?"

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Next time youโ€™re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MollyWanders
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
literally.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 268
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Banoooooooo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I'll see myself out ๐Ÿคฃ
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MomentImmortalizer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Quite Literally
๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MattloKei
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad (67) just sent this to me. It's literally a dad joke. Some of us might not get it though I'm sure.

What does the Pink Panther say when he knocked over an ant hill?

Dead ant... dead ant... dead ant dead ant dead ant... dead ant dead ant....

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Maddened
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.

wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SocialPerformer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. ยทchucklesยท James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gone11gone11
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I got gas for $1.19 today!

Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SufficientNarwhal
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Saw this one from 9gag.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ehnoscentteaya
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
No no He's got a point
๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_3oi_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Literally.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KediKaptan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Top Post
๐Ÿ‘︎ 51
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Miss_man
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
literally..
๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Banoooooooo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why can't athiests use exponents?

Because they don't believe in a higher power.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kymoo6
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?

They just ransomware.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/viky_boy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Imperial>
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_its_shayan_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I think this guy is going bananas. literally.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FurretWalk1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Literally took the heat off!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 110
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/raghav693
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What part of the hospital has the least privacy?

The ICU

๐Ÿ‘︎ 690
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/iceberger3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Just got my new keyboard. Looks like the keys are taking things quite literally.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 36
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dpk38
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
One friend of mine is LITERALLY a legend...

He always helps me with maps and diagrams, pointing out all the little symbols and what they mean.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 842
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bebelmatman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Pre- means before. Post- means after. To use both prefixes together,

...would be preposterous

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/amar610
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear that less toys have been made this year in Santaโ€™s workshop?

Many of his workers had to Elf Isolate.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/trendfoll
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If you are born in a car and die outside, you are literally

Carbon Dioxide

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tutrois
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I told my sister that she was โ€œliterally kiddingโ€

when she went into labor. (She was not impressed.)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 41
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/IacobusBarbatus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Literally
๐Ÿ‘︎ 35
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dreamlandblues
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Literally and Figuratively...
๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shahidikram0701
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The guy who stole my diary has died.

My thoughts are with his family.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 991
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/the_houser
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I literally have a dentist appointment at...

Toof hurty

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Byrnie1985
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When you realise that the shovel was literally a groundbreaking invention
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yaboi79
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Where was Moses when the lights went out?

In the dark.

My dad literally just said this to me, so I felt it was appropriate to post.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 44
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Inevitable_Ant5838
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did 2n+1 say to 2n?

I literally can't even

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/plainrane
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.