Literate Puns

A list of puns related to "Literate"

Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.

wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.

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👤︎ u/SocialPerformer
📅︎ Apr 25 2020
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I came across a literate chicken today

I know it was literate because it kept asking for "book book book book"

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👤︎ u/Mteigers
📅︎ Jun 17 2019
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What's the most literate dinosaur?

The-saurus?

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👤︎ u/7homsen
📅︎ May 03 2017
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Literal puns are the best
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👤︎ u/loot98
📅︎ Nov 02 2020
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Literal pun patrol
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👤︎ u/ellaAir
📅︎ Sep 10 2019
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Literal pun
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👤︎ u/Bigjambo1
📅︎ May 09 2019
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Literal Puns are his forte.

So I walk into the kitchen and see my Dad grab a big knife to cut some vegetables. "Whoa Dad, thought you just drew a knife on me." He proceeds to grab a sharpie and draw a knife on my forearm, then continues his vegetable chopping.

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👤︎ u/CheshireCatXD
📅︎ Jun 11 2014
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The name of next year is literally

2020 won

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👤︎ u/LegitTurboDude
📅︎ Dec 27 2020
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Interviewer: Your resume says you take things too literally

Me: When did my resume learn to talk?

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👤︎ u/sarcasticpremed
📅︎ Jan 05 2021
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My girlfriend said I need to stop taking things too literally

I asked her, "Who's Literally?"

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👤︎ u/XenonNade
📅︎ Dec 29 2020
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What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

A comma.

A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

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👤︎ u/SmartassBrickmelter
📅︎ Dec 18 2020
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Ring...ring...
👍︎ 4k
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👤︎ u/D0NW0N
📅︎ Dec 19 2020
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Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
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👤︎ u/MollyWanders
📅︎ Nov 12 2020
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The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

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👤︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
📅︎ Dec 22 2020
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literally.
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👤︎ u/Banoooooooo
📅︎ Sep 06 2020
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Quite Literally
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👤︎ u/MattloKei
📅︎ Jun 15 2020
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My dad (67) just sent this to me. It's literally a dad joke. Some of us might not get it though I'm sure.

What does the Pink Panther say when he knocked over an ant hill?

Dead ant... dead ant... dead ant dead ant dead ant... dead ant dead ant....

👍︎ 7k
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👤︎ u/Maddened
📅︎ May 30 2020
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I'll see myself out 🤣
👍︎ 4k
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👤︎ u/MomentImmortalizer
📅︎ Dec 27 2020
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*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

👍︎ 8k
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👤︎ u/gone11gone11
📅︎ May 06 2020
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Saw this one from 9gag.
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👤︎ u/ehnoscentteaya
📅︎ Dec 07 2020
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No no He's got a point
👍︎ 5k
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👤︎ u/_3oi_
📅︎ Nov 30 2020
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Literally.
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👤︎ u/KediKaptan
📅︎ Sep 07 2020
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Top Post
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👤︎ u/Miss_man
📅︎ Dec 29 2020
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literally..
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👤︎ u/Banoooooooo
📅︎ Aug 02 2020
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What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

Carrot

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👤︎ u/tvz32
📅︎ Jan 08 2021
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Why can't athiests use exponents?

Because they don't believe in a higher power.

👍︎ 4k
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👤︎ u/Kymoo6
📅︎ Nov 21 2020
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How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?

They just ransomware.

👍︎ 17k
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👤︎ u/viky_boy
📅︎ Oct 15 2020
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Imperial>
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👤︎ u/_its_shayan_
📅︎ Oct 19 2020
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I think this guy is going bananas. literally.
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👤︎ u/FurretWalk1
📅︎ Aug 27 2020
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Literally took the heat off!
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👤︎ u/raghav693
📅︎ Jun 21 2020
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What part of the hospital has the least privacy?

The ICU

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👤︎ u/iceberger3
📅︎ Nov 28 2020
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Just got my new keyboard. Looks like the keys are taking things quite literally.
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👤︎ u/dpk38
📅︎ Jun 05 2020
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One friend of mine is LITERALLY a legend...

He always helps me with maps and diagrams, pointing out all the little symbols and what they mean.

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👤︎ u/bebelmatman
📅︎ Mar 31 2020
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Pre- means before. Post- means after. To use both prefixes together,

...would be preposterous

👍︎ 17k
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👤︎ u/amar610
📅︎ Sep 19 2020
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I got gas for $1.19 today!

Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.

👍︎ 5k
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👤︎ u/SufficientNarwhal
📅︎ Oct 01 2020
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Did you hear that less toys have been made this year in Santa’s workshop?

Many of his workers had to Elf Isolate.

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👤︎ u/trendfoll
📅︎ Dec 18 2020
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If you are born in a car and die outside, you are literally

Carbon Dioxide

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👤︎ u/Tutrois
📅︎ Jul 27 2020
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I told my sister that she was “literally kidding”

when she went into labor. (She was not impressed.)

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👤︎ u/IacobusBarbatus
📅︎ Jul 10 2020
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Literally
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👤︎ u/dreamlandblues
📅︎ May 14 2020
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Who can drink 6 liters of gasoline and not get sick?

Jerry can.

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👤︎ u/GonnaGoFat
📅︎ Aug 21 2020
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Literally and Figuratively...
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👤︎ u/shahidikram0701
📅︎ Jun 24 2020
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I literally have a dentist appointment at...

Toof hurty

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👤︎ u/Byrnie1985
📅︎ Aug 11 2020
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When you realise that the shovel was literally a groundbreaking invention
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👤︎ u/yaboi79
📅︎ Jul 16 2019
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The guy who stole my diary has died.

My thoughts are with his family.

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👤︎ u/the_houser
📅︎ Nov 08 2020
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Where was Moses when the lights went out?

In the dark.

My dad literally just said this to me, so I felt it was appropriate to post.

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👤︎ u/Inevitable_Ant5838
📅︎ Jan 07 2021
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What did the baby say when he saw his food in front of him?

Purée!!!

(I literally just came up with this and am a new dad. Please be gentle)

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👤︎ u/IronGaben
📅︎ Jan 11 2021
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This one weird object will literally shock you!
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👤︎ u/VeryConsciousWater
📅︎ Jun 08 2020
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What did 2n+1 say to 2n?

I literally can't even

👍︎ 14k
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👤︎ u/plainrane
📅︎ Sep 09 2020
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Ewoks aren't meant to be left outside...

...their Endor pets.

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👤︎ u/Piggster30
📅︎ Dec 18 2020
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Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.
👍︎ 23k
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👤︎ u/StewPaddasso
📅︎ Apr 28 2017
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Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal,

and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.

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👤︎ u/bot_10
📅︎ Oct 14 2019
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its hard to talk to kleptomaniacs because they take things... literally
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👤︎ u/blipityblob
📅︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report

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