Li'l Smith.
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Are you as LI VI D as me?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shakers95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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Are you as LI VI D as me?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shakers95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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My friend just had three kids! He asked me what to name them. I said β€˜James, Charles and Li Zhao’ He asked me why the last one was Li Zhao. So I said β€˜Because every 3rd person born in this world is Chinese
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeetyboi8787
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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Hes not li'ne
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cassiuswink
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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Why do lions sleep on dirt? Because they have nothing to li-on
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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My son Fawad insists on playing Li'l Jon at high volume on his computer.

"TURN DOWN, FAWAD".

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodAtExplaining
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2016
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A darker one my 10 year old dropped on me... (possibly triggering)

She could see I was stressed out with work and she and I have a very dark sense of humour.

Hey Dad, you ok?

Yeah li'l beat just over worker and tired and stressed about the holidays.

"hey dad, lots of men struggle with mental health don't worry about it too much, Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain daughters turned out just fine."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rogalporn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Which city has the most skeletons in it?

Lis-bone πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rozsaszin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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I can never remember the Roman Numerals for 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500...

IM LIVID

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HatterInATutu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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Last weekend I had tickets to go see Timmy, the Yodeling Shetland Pony.

Unfortunately, Timmy has to cancel. He was a little hoarse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsuggitt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Have you guys heard that new rumor going around about butter...?

no...? Well I don't think I should be spreading it...

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h_cordeiro8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Where do lions get the energy they need?

from Li-ion batteries.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phoqkhan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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I invented a new word today

Plagiarism.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dansguns
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
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The guy who coined the term "lisp" must have been a sadist.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freeaboo_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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My last joke got taken down.

Here's a mirror.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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HoW dOeS tHe MoOn CuT hIS hAiR??

EcLiPsE iT

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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiemandealt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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I once met a famous Chinese Ski jumper

His name was Li Ping Phar

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arch3typ3_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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My dad doesn't trust the batteries in his smartphone

He keeps saying they're Li-ion to him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DBrownGames
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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Yttrium, Uranium, Nobelium, Lithium, Potassium, Protactinium, Sulfur, Tantalum?

Y U No LiK PaSTa?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DUCKLOVA709
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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My jag

My jaguar hybrid runs on Li-ions though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonstew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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β€œWhat are you making for lunch?” I asked my wife.

Wife: β€œI’m making a wrap.”

Me: β€œHow can you make a wrap without any beets?”

Wife: β€œBecause I don’t li- HEYYYY!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/walzdeep
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
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You know, I've been on this planet for thirty-seven years, amd I've only got two small vices

http://i.imgur.com/LiRlSov.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/8979323
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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It's the Chinese Super Bowl !

Super Bowl LI

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quietdesolation
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
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Some say my dad jokes have been getting worse and worse...

This picture says otherwise...

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebnampach
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2014
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Chinese pallbearers need to be extra cautious

What they carry could be dead Li.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2017
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Looking for some powerbanks with my dad.

Find one that claims that it can charge an iPhone 5 times, to which my dad says:

"Those batteries better not be Li-ion to us."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheEdgeOfRage
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
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Don't trust assembly programs with a lot of immediately loaded values

They're full of li 's

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Comedynerd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2016
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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Giving out dadjokes for Xmas

My girlfriend and I were visiting her mother for the holidays. She's a sweet li'l ol' church lady, and my gf & I were expecting to have an evening to ourselves while she went to choir practice -- until she got a call from the musical director saying he was sick, and that practice would be cancelled.

"Well," I said, "I guess her presence is no longer re-choired."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemthenga
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2014
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My girlfriend got me good tonight

On our way back from the store, talking about how expensive it is to go out on real 'dates' (been together for a year or so)

>Her: We can come up with plenty of free-ways to have fun

>Me: Mhmm--

>Her: I mean, I-71 and I-75 are great, but we can think of more.

She stared at me for about 10 seconds, grinning until I realized what she was talking about.

My face never palmed so hard as she giggled mercilessly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJohnSnow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
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Stranger dadjoked me last night in McDonalds and made my night

I was riding my bike home at night after work and I stopped at McD's to grab a burger. I was wearing my headlamp and an old man that was in the lobby asked me "Does that ever make you feel light-headed?" I groaned and congratulated him on being a grand dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datasinc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2015
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Some people say dadjokes aren't funny...
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/szthesquid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2015
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You think your funny...
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sencinitas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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