My doctor lectured me that drinking too much coffee would make me have to pee a lot.

At first I was really concerned, but then I realized it was just dire rhetoric.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jodv
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife lectured me on how she could improve my tighty whities if she turned them into long johns.

I asked her to keep it brief.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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After I lectured

Today I lectured to medical students. I invited a fellow faculty member to the lecture, but did not see him. His name is Gene.

The lecture was on pain processing. Part of the lecture covers the role of CGRP, or calcitonin gene-related peptide.

The email I get after lecture:
"Nice job. I didn't even know that I was related to calcitonin peptide!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnShaft
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
🚨︎ report
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. There is no Time.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I need help following up with this pun, this is a video about a scientist giving a lecture about fire, I can’t think of any more other than pun-ch line
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Huiplayshd1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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What does the philosophy lecturer do when he gets cold feet?

He puts on his Socrates.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikethejoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The professor had used the entire blackboard for the lecture

The blackboard is now chalk-full of information

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A student is arrested and brought to court for carrying a weapon to his morning lecture

Judge: Why did you bring a taser to your lecture?

Defendent: Well you see sir, I have a hard time getting up in the morning. But I’m not a big fan of soft drinks or coffee, so I thought the next best thing was to give me a good shock.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pumped_Pipe
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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What excuse did the student use to get away with skipping their zoom lecture?

"My dog ate my computer."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anti1447
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife wants me to read Pride and Prejudice, but I refused.

I’m too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book is going to lecture me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do my university lecture theatres have all this blank artwork on the walls?

Link.

It's baffling.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ktisis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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What do talks, lectures and jokes on Reddit all have in common?

They are all free speech!

https://www.battleforthenet.com/

Stop the FCC from removing net neutrality!

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caleb7m
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Is a class on cannibalism

A Hannibal Lecture?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buddha0426
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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My teacher is giving a lecture on the mechanisms of drilling

So far, I find it very boring

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the duck kicked out of his psychology lecture.

He kept calling the professor a quack.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StormtrooperMJS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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We were having a biology lecture about Pavlov's dog

We laughed and we laughed then the bell rang and we all went to the cafeteria

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pabloescobar9000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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I forgot to prepare for my lecture today.

I was speechless.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xhenryxx
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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How do mathematicians lecture their children?

If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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That time I beat my dad at his own game. In the middle of a heated lecture about not joining my friends' shenanigans, dad said, "Two wrongs don't make a right."

"Two Wrights do make an airplane."

"I'm proud of you. You're still grounded though."

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustJosh724
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are ancient history lecturers boring?

They tend to babylon

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πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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Lecturer hit us with this one

A duck got a job at a farm, where there was a chicken who ran the place. The chicken was delighted to have the duck join his crew, he personally took the duck around the place and introduced him to all the other farm animals. At the end of the tour the duck asked a question. Duck: Is there anything I should avoid doing here? Chicken: Don't cross the road, you'll never hear the end of it.

Bonus: http://blog.rafihecht.com/files/2013/02/chicken-crossing-road.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 601
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dtmfa92
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who learns to draw from online lectures?

A Khan artist.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryzensai
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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Today's class

Me: What's today's Criminology class on?

Friend: Cannibals.

Me: (gasps) A Hannibal Lecture!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiftymcnoggin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. When a student asked what the correct pronunciation of ovaries is, he shrugged and said:

Oh, varies.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noahep22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently gave a lecture instructing people how to give directions by violently thrusting their arm towards the intended destination.

It was a PowerPoint presentation.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
When I was little, we went to an outdoor lecture featuring the original cast of Star Trek. I was especially excited to see Bones. Unfortunately, we were seated toward the side of the amphitheater, where huge oaks had been planted to frame the stage.

As a result, I couldn't see DeForest through the trees

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
🚨︎ report
In college, I always fell asleep during my β€œIntro to Marxism” lectures.

I found it hard to achieve class consciousness.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a class that teaches how to cook and eat people?

A cannibal lecture.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kailyncookie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
In lecture this morning my professor...

My professor was talking about Barbara McClintocks work on corn kernel genetics. He stops all the sudden and says "her work really is not all that a-mazeing." He then proceed to look around to see if we laughed, Which almost no one did, cleared his throat and went back to lecturing.

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ipittydafoo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Why isn't there any asparin in the jungle?

Because the paracetamol.

-One of my college lecturers, just now

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anthony_ugh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Electronics lecturer dropped this beauty on us

Discussing electrical current and he introduced us to Kirchhoff's current law.

"This is Kirchhoff's current law. I don't know what his previous law was, but this is the current one."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drummer_ash
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2014
🚨︎ report
I attended a psychology lecture by a famous professor today.

It was mental.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirHolyCow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Listening to an accounting lecture when the professor drops some dad puns...

>Do you know where the smartest and most reasonable people work? > At the US mint, because all they do is make cents!

I thought it was over and then two minutes further into the lecture.... >Do you know where else really smart and reasonable people work? > At a perfume factory! All they do is make scents!

Now I am just sitting here posting this and trying to think of more puns...

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmack1228
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
🚨︎ report
This is what happens when a lecture goes a little too long... imgur.com/HdoHf
πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kellygrl6441
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2012
🚨︎ report
What is the worst animal to deliver a lecture?

A boar!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eric67
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2016
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One of my classmates dadjoked a whole lecture hall today

We are in medical pharmacology right now and are starting a series of lectures on chemotherapies. My professor begins the lecture by saying "Who's ready to learn about cancer drugs?!"

This guy gets on the mic, and says, "I'm more of a Libra drug kind of guy."

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkaega
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2015
🚨︎ report
What so you call it when a boring chemistry teacher starts a lecture?

Getting your boron.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DededEch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked by lecturer

Talking about particle detectors he asked the audience what gases were used in them. No-one has a clue.

"So... I guess that's hard to gas"

I was the only one laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sup3r_hero
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my lecturer

The whiteboard is always a mess from the previous class and every week my lecturer has been getting more and more annoyed that the previous guy doesn't clean the board after use.

This morning as he begrudgingly stepped towards the board he sighed and asked the heavens, "when will be the day that I stop having to wipe this board?"

I said to him, "I think the writing's on the wall Professor."

I got one cackled laugh amongst many groans

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grayworks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
🚨︎ report
In my Neuroanatomy lecture today. Professor: "Are you familiar with the nucleus ambiguus?"

My loud response: "It's ambiguous!"

crickets

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HammerLite75
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2015
🚨︎ report
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No Time.”

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat exactly happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No time.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No time.”

πŸ‘︎ 388
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
When the physics lecture ended, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No time.”

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
After the lecture was over, I asked my physics professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No time.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No time.”

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said that I should read Pride and Prejudice, but I said no.

I’m too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book is going to lecture me.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife insisted that I read β€œPride and Prejudice”, but I said no.

I’m too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book will lecture me.

πŸ‘︎ 422
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to read Pride and Prejudice, but I said no.

I’m too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book will try to lecture me.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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