Auntie climb attic.
It was a stock exchange.
"Huge Disapoint Mints!"
Quaranteens.
It offends those who have already done it.
I need a Plan B.
He really got a head of himself.
I'll show him. Just you wait.
Edit: Goodness, that blew up. My first awards, too!
I want to send out individual replies to thank everyone who gave me an award. I might do it later.
Later, I realized it was just a phase.
He wrangled them all back into the pasture. Later he found them all back in his hemp field. It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you. Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise. Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
The therapist looks up from his paperwork, looks at the man, and says, "I'm busy at the moment, so I'll deal with you later."
I shit you knot
Itโs a play on words.
Never gonna give you Up!
...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
A few hours later the plane lands in japan. The dad looks at his son and says "okinawa here"
I'm starting to think that the driver who said he'll "deliver me" was a bit shady.
But itโs just pointless
...from the fruits of our labor
but I'll shave it for later.
Job Interviewer: "At the start you'll be earning $17,000; later that will increase to $21,000"
Me: "Ok, I'll come back later."
It was called the Plump Gump Sump Pump Dump.
... To which the lift attendant replied, "Maybe not, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
It goes up to the librarian and says "bok." The shocked librarian looks at the chicken and says, "Excuse me, what?" and the chicken repeats, "bok."
The librarian thinks a moment before asking, "You want a book?" The chicken nods and says, "bok," so the librarian goes and gives the chicken a book, and it walks out.
A few minutes later the chicken struts back in and says "bok bok." The librarian, still shocked, asks if it wants two books, to which the chicken replies, "bok bok." So the librarian gets two more books and gives them to the chicken.
A few more minutes pass and the chicken walks back up to the front desk, saying "bok bok bok." The librarian nods and fetches three more books, but this time decides to follow the chicken outside.
Tailing the chicken, she watches as it walks out to the parking lot, where a frog is sitting by a pile of books. When the chicken lays the new delivery before it, the frog takes one look and says, "reddit, reddit!"
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
True story. Happen about 2 hrs ago.
Back trying. My wife and I both work in the medical field. She runs hospital employee health dept, and Iโm the dental director for a public health agency.
My wife had Covid-19 in January. We were talking about the long term, later effects of Covid on peopleโs health.
Wife: I wonder what the residual effects of Covid-19 are. My left ear hasnโt been right since I had Covid.
Me: Well of course not.
Wife: Why? What have you heard?
Me: Well your left ear canโt feel right. Itโs your left ear.
Wife: God, why did I marry you 33 years ago?
He sits down, orders a beer, and begins to mull over his day.
After a few minutes he hears a quiet, and high pitched voice say "I like your shirt". He looks around and doesn't see anybody, so he goes back to his drink.
A few sips later he hears the same voice say "You have lovely eyes". He looks around again half expecting to see Alvin the chipmunk, but there is nothing.
After a few more sips, he hears it again, "I bet your parents are real proud of you". Finally he has had enough. He slams his drink down, looks over at the bartender, and says "what the hell is that high pitched voice I am hearing?!"
The bartender looks up and says "Its the peanuts...
They're complimentary."
You will see one later and one in a while.
He really got a head of himself.
Don't call me later, call me Dad!
i shit you knot!
Me: Donโt call me later, call me Dad
...and walks up to the librarianโs desk.
โBukโ says the chicken.
The Liberian gives him a book. The chicken returns after a few minutes later.
โBukโ says the chicken again.
The librarian gives him another book. This goes on about eight more times. Finally, the librarian follows the chicken outside and sees the chicken standing next to a pond. The chicken is throwing the books at a frog on a lily pad.
The chicken says, โbuk, bukโ
The frog says, โReddit, Redditโ
