It offends those who have already done it.
I need a Plan B.
Quaranteens.
He really got a head of himself.
I'll show him. Just you wait.
Edit: Goodness, that blew up. My first awards, too!
I want to send out individual replies to thank everyone who gave me an award. I might do it later.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you. Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise. Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
I shit you knot
Itโs a play on words.
Never gonna give you Up!
but I'll shave it for later.
But itโs just pointless
I'm starting to think that the driver who said he'll "deliver me" was a bit shady.
He sits down, orders a beer, and begins to mull over his day.
After a few minutes he hears a quiet, and high pitched voice say "I like your shirt". He looks around and doesn't see anybody, so he goes back to his drink.
A few sips later he hears the same voice say "You have lovely eyes". He looks around again half expecting to see Alvin the chipmunk, but there is nothing.
After a few more sips, he hears it again, "I bet your parents are real proud of you". Finally he has had enough. He slams his drink down, looks over at the bartender, and says "what the hell is that high pitched voice I am hearing?!"
The bartender looks up and says "Its the peanuts...
They're complimentary."
...and walks up to the librarianโs desk.
โBukโ says the chicken.
The Liberian gives him a book. The chicken returns after a few minutes later.
โBukโ says the chicken again.
The librarian gives him another book. This goes on about eight more times. Finally, the librarian follows the chicken outside and sees the chicken standing next to a pond. The chicken is throwing the books at a frog on a lily pad.
The chicken says, โbuk, bukโ
The frog says, โReddit, Redditโ
I said I would triangle back to that question later on.
...from the fruits of our labor
Job Interviewer: "At the start you'll be earning $17,000; later that will increase to $21,000"
Me: "Ok, I'll come back later."
It was called the Plump Gump Sump Pump Dump.
She went up to the counter and said "buk" The librarian handed her a book and she left. Five minutes later the chicken returned to the counter and said "buk buk", got 2 books and left. This went on about six or seven times before curiosity got the better of the librarian and she decided to follow the chicken outside to the park with a pond in the middle. The chicken threw the latest book to a frog sat on a Lilly pad in the middle of the pond and shouted "BUK!" The frog looked at it and said "Reddit"
Daughter: โLow washer fluidโ. Dad: โThatโs too bad. I hope the washer fluid feels better, later.โ
but i think i'll tell it later
... To which the lift attendant replied, "Maybe not, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
Never mind I'll shave it for later...
few months later, i was court marshalled for murdering a superior by the name of "drill sergeant will"
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
It flies in a straight line.
So I bought my mom a parrot as a gift. A week later I ask her how the parrot was. She said โIt was delicious!โ I said to her โWhat?! Why would you eat it? Itโs a talking parrot!โ My mom replies โWell it should have said something then.โ
Hindsight is 2020
Thatโs karma in real life
He really got a head of himself.
Don't call me later, call me Dad!
i shit you knot!
...?
Can you shave it for later?
Me: Donโt call me later, call me Dad
He: "No.. just call me dad"
