Iβm buying an estate on a hill that is landscaped with nothing but hostas.
Iβm calling it Vista la Hosta, baby!
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︎ Apr 26 2020
Classic literature/landscaping pun?
A young man named James came to tend to the lawn at the beach house.
He was mowing in a circular fashioned around the yard and though he attempted to do the rest by hand, he didnβt fare very well.
I supposed you could call it a quasi-mowed O.
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︎ Jul 25 2019
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Decided to go to school to become a landscaper.
They're teaching cutting hedge technology over there
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︎ Sep 02 2020
What does Tony Hawk use to landscape his yard?
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︎ Sep 09 2020
I just called a landscape gardener round to give me a quote for some astroturf..
He said he couldn't do it because my garden is portrait.
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︎ Jul 25 2020
Did you hear about the teacher who ran a landscaping business during breaks?
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︎ Jul 30 2020
What is the difference between a person who works in landscaping and someone who collects coffee?
One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper
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︎ Jun 06 2020
My kid was trying to start a landscaping business
He just needed some seed funding
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︎ May 16 2020
Did you hear about the landscaper that got kicked out of college?
They found him changing grades.
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︎ Apr 27 2020
Did you hear about the retired Sheriff who started a landscaping business?
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︎ Jan 03 2020
Just got back from Loweβs where I picked up a cool new gadget.
Solar powered clippers attached to a drone that I can program to do most of my landscaping.
Itβs real Cutting Hedge Technology.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
What did one angry landscaper say to the other?
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︎ Oct 25 2019
Why do landscaping companies hate the fall?
Everyone leaves work early.
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︎ Oct 15 2019
Urban Landscape
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︎ Jun 15 2019
My neighbor got a patent on his smart home and thought provoking landscaping.
It's his intellectual property.
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︎ Jun 06 2019
A man hires a landscape gardener to fix his garden
Landscape gardener says nope can't do it your gardens in portrait
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︎ May 14 2019
I hired a landscape gardener the other day, but he said he couldn't do it...
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︎ May 03 2019
What sort of money do need if you want to start your own landscaping business?
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︎ Jun 13 2017
We hired a new landscaper.
He was really down to earth.
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︎ Feb 10 2019
On Call Landscape Repair...
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 05 2018
The landscapers at Johnson Space Center knew their jobs well..
They were specialists in ground control.
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︎ Dec 07 2018
They Were Given an Offer They Couldn't Refuse in Landscaping
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︎ Feb 20 2018
What do you call a subpar landscaping service operated by dogs?
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︎ Nov 14 2017
Why did the artist refuse to depict landscapes?
Because portraying the horizon is where he would have to draw the line.
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︎ Dec 17 2018
βSpecial Mowing Unitβ
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︎ Jun 29 2018
Earlier today I was working on a new house in town...
I was in charge of the fencing. The construction site was almost finished, and it was only this and the landscaping remaining. I did the first couple posts, but then I went to lunch, and when I came back, they were gone. I did as much as I could until the day ended, and I went home. I came back the next day, and they were all gone. I decided to speak to the contractor, and when I told him about the posts, he said βOh, yeah. Thereβs tons of reposting on this site.β
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Boy, with all these statues getting torn down...
... I guess you could say these protests are changing the landscape.
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︎ Jun 10 2020
The stock trader was able to afford his new landscaping...
...after making so much money in his hedge fund.
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︎ Apr 23 2014
What I love about Bob Ross, is that he always has a happy touch on the entire landscape of the art of painting
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︎ Apr 28 2017
Why did Euler lose his landscaping job?
He kept looking for imaginary roots
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︎ Mar 29 2018
What kind of landscapes to bears live in?
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︎ Jun 22 2017
Dad's thoughts on landscaping in the hood.
We were sitting around the dinner table talking about buying some trees to plant in the lawn this fall.
Dad says: "We need some thug trees."
We all give him a puzzled look and ask what on earth he means by that.
His reply: "I hear they're very shady."
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︎ Jun 03 2015
I should start a landscaping business. I'll call it "General Sod"
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︎ Dec 16 2014
This subreddit is just like a dull knife
It doesn't seem to have a point.
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︎ Mar 07 2017
My wife is growing up to be a good dad.
We are doing a landscaping project and we are looking for a wheeled basket to help transport rock to our backyard. She said "I wonder if anyone has something we can barrow..."
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︎ May 12 2016
Bill Bryson's Dad
I was at an event where Bill Bryson was speaking and he told this story about his father.
We were going to the San Andres Fault and when we got there we were all taking in this incredible scar running across the landscape and my father suddenly throws a quarter into the fault.
When we looked at him confused, he just said, "I've always strove to be generous to a fault."
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︎ Feb 24 2016
Grandpa and I shared a dadjoke moment today.
I was helping my grandpa today to plant new grass at the grave site of my great-great-grandfather.
Grandpa: You know, I like this landscaping kind of work. I could work in a cemetery like this.
Me: I don't know. I'd rather work in a livelier profession.
Grandpa: Yeah, but you'd be working with so many people under you!
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︎ Jun 17 2015
My dad cares a lot about creative copyright, apparently
During a Skype chat, where my sister's profile photo was a beautiful landscape with flowers.
Dad: Did you find that photo somewhere online or did you take it?
Sister: I took it!
Dad: What! Who did you take it from? You know that's stealing, right?
Groans all around.
(bonus mediocre joke: my sister was mentioning how she writes to her friend who lives in Germany, but her friend never checks her email. "Of course she doesn't, she's German, not Czech," quoth Dad.)
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︎ Aug 10 2014
What's the difference between someone who works in landscaping and someone who steals from a coffee shop?
One is a groundskeeper, while the other is a grounds keeper.
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︎ Jun 15 2019
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