A young man named James came to tend to the lawn at the beach house.
He was mowing in a circular fashioned around the yard and though he attempted to do the rest by hand, he didn’t fare very well.
I supposed you could call it a quasi-mowed O.
One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper
He operated the grader.
He just needed some seed funding
He called it Lawn Order
Everyone leaves work early.
A hedge fund.
It's his intellectual property.
...after making so much money in his hedge fund.
He kept looking for imaginary roots
We were sitting around the dinner table talking about buying some trees to plant in the lawn this fall.
Dad says: "We need some thug trees."
We all give him a puzzled look and ask what on earth he means by that.
His reply: "I hear they're very shady."
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
A fjord fusion.
They're teaching cutting hedge technology over there
Face plants
He said he couldn't do it because my garden is portrait.
I’m calling it Vista la Hosta, baby!
They found him changing grades.
Your grass is ass!
Are they the same thing as my landscaping budget?
Landscape gardener says nope can't do it your gardens in portrait
Solar powered clippers attached to a drone that I can program to do most of my landscaping.
It’s real Cutting Hedge Technology.
My gardens portrait.
They were specialists in ground control.
He was really down to earth.
Because portraying the horizon is where he would have to draw the line.
Barren landscapes.
I was in charge of the fencing. The construction site was almost finished, and it was only this and the landscaping remaining. I did the first couple posts, but then I went to lunch, and when I came back, they were gone. I did as much as I could until the day ended, and I went home. I came back the next day, and they were all gone. I decided to speak to the contractor, and when I told him about the posts, he said “Oh, yeah. There’s tons of reposting on this site.”
It doesn't seem to have a point.
We are doing a landscaping project and we are looking for a wheeled basket to help transport rock to our backyard. She said "I wonder if anyone has something we can barrow..."
Last year I did landscaping and would often come home Covered in dirt.
I just started a job in masonry working with brick.
My gf commented on how orange I am from the brick dust.
So I told her: orange is the new black.
I was at an event where Bill Bryson was speaking and he told this story about his father.
We were going to the San Andres Fault and when we got there we were all taking in this incredible scar running across the landscape and my father suddenly throws a quarter into the fault. When we looked at him confused, he just said, "I've always strove to be generous to a fault."
During a Skype chat, where my sister's profile photo was a beautiful landscape with flowers.
Dad: Did you find that photo somewhere online or did you take it?
Sister: I took it!
Dad: What! Who did you take it from? You know that's stealing, right?
Groans all around.
(bonus mediocre joke: my sister was mentioning how she writes to her friend who lives in Germany, but her friend never checks her email. "Of course she doesn't, she's German, not Czech," quoth Dad.)
My sister is on a road trip from Utah to Texas. She has been periodically updating us with her location.
Sister 1: Raton, New Mexico
Dad: That's a big rat.
Sister 1: Dalhart, Texas
Dad: Woohoo... How's it going?
Sister 1: Great. Everything is flat and smells like cows, but I don't see any cows.
Dad: Those are the iBoTs (invisible Bovines of Texas), they wander around making methane and distributing it free of charge. And the landscape is that way because of the flat-ulence.
Sister 2: Oh my gosh dad stop
Me: He can't. There is an honor code among dads. We must joke whenever the opportunity presents itself. It's our respunsibility.
Dad: I'm so proud.
Me: Hi so proud, I'm dad.
One is a groundskeeper, while the other is a grounds keeper.
