Funny Landscaping Puns

https://reddit.com/link/ekncdv/video/05ss948jj2941/player

To help with ideas, the kind of work we mostly do is; Drainage issues, retaining walls, tree removal, grading and hardscapes. Of course we also do the other simpler things like, plant flowers and mulch beds.

Its for my friend, he was about to register just his name and then 'Landscaping', but i'm sure this is a great opportunity. Can you think of any?

Our neighbours can be funny buggers. Nice one minute, moody the next.

There was a rickety old fence between our properties which I owned. We’d patched it up a few times but didn’t really have the money to totally replace 80 ft of bespoke sized fences and posts at that time.

The neighbours have complained a few times about our fence, they have 10 dogs and have spent a lot of money on landscaping their garden. They demanded we replace the fence because they need a secure boundary for the dogs but made it very clear they were not contributing to the costs. It’s not unreasonable but the way they demanded rubbed me up the wrong way.

Generally in the U.K, There are no HOA rules on old builds so I can replace the wooden fence with anything we like as long as it’s on our land and is no more than 2m high.

So last month we got a quote and arranged for a firm to replace the fencing. I informed the neighbours and picked a day they would be at work so not to ruin the ‘surprise’.

When they got home they found the wooden fence and wooden posts have been replaced with 6ft concrete posts and a wall of concrete panels. Now they look out of their kitchen onto what resembles the Berlin Wall. I also made sure the smooth face of the concrete panels are pointing towards us. (We have bushes along our side so wouldn’t see it anyway, but their side is right next to their patio area).

They haven’t approached us about it yet but my husband told me he could see the wife in her garden from his office window and she had a face like thunder.

Edited for clarify. • We got the materials cheap because hubby got a very competitive staff discount as part of contract for his new job. We couldn’t afforded to replace the fence in until now.

•The neighbours have been nagging for years but we have just been patching up the holes, so decided to finally get it done after one of her dogs got in my garden and wife ranted at me about it.

•concrete fence was cheaper than bespoke fence sizes but more expensive (and less destructive on the gardens) than standard fencing as it would require repositioning the posts and having more holes dug for more posts.

My daughter Vienna has about $2800 in savings. She got the money from saving up allowance, running errands for neighbours and selling homemade jewelry. She treasures her money a lot.

Yesterday, my son Jon (M10) told me that Vienna paid her friend to tear up his painting. He loves art and has been working on a painting of a winter landscape. The worst thing is that the painting was supposed to be for Vienna (for her Christmas present).

He was so upset, and obviously I was furious. I demanded an explanation from Vienna, and she said "It was supposed to be for a reaction video..." I told her I didn't care, it was a horrible thing to do. She argued again and again that it was just for fun. Jon said it wasn't funny, and was visibly hurt.

Eventually, Vienna gave a half-hearted apology. I told her that she wasn't sorry, the apology meant nothing. So, as a punishment - I told her I was going to take away all her money until I felt she deserved it again. I would also never give her allowance again.

She looked stunned and started getting hysterical. She said that was her hard-earned money, she worked for it so hard and now I was taking it away. "All for a silly thing!" was what Vienna said. She started crying that she was going shopping with her friends next weekend, and now she would have no money. She stormed out tearfully and locked herself in her bedroom.

Jon agreed with what I did, but he said I should give it back to her when she apologises properly. I feel it's too lenient. He's already ready to paint another landscape for her if she apologises.

My husband is totally horrified with my decision, and said it was unfair to Vienna. He said I should just ground her for a month. He thinks I'm being an asshole (and of course so does Vienna). So...AITA?

tl;dr - My daughter paid her friend to destroy my son's painting. I took away her savings as a punishment, and now my husband thinks I am an asshole.

Edit: A lot of you have made some great points, and I appreciate you taking the time to help.

Edit 2: I'll have a conversation with Vienna after she returns from school. I've decided what to say and I'm ready to talk about it. I'll update you with how it went soon on my profile.

Edit 3: The update is on my profile, for those interested you could take a look.

Hey everyone. I started a North Texas rebuild dynasty the other day and decided I really didn't want to have fully named rosters (I download '15 rosters from OS) but play in some rinky dink conference where I wouldn't ever play against any interesting teams or players.

So...I spent WAY too long tinkering with custom conferences until I came up with a new conference landscape focused on interesting storylines focused on creating either in-state rivalries or amusing stereotypes (ex. nerds v. frats). I think it's hilarious, and it has made it pretty easy for me to make up interesting storylines that adds flavor to the dynasty and makes it feel a bit more alive beyond what's happening with my (terrible) North Texas team. Check it out:

ACC

BLUECOLLAR (aka the wypipo division)

• Army
• Navy
• Rutgers
• Buffalo
• Marshall
• West Virginia

TENN PENN (duh)

• Tennessee
• Memphis
• Middle Tennessee State
• Penn State
• Pitt
• Temple

Thoughts: Not my favorite honestly - not great football-wise. The theme does make me laugh though - a bunch of schools in extremely wypipo states/regions grinding out 17-10 games against each other (except for WVU). The CCG trophy should just be a fullback carrying a lunch pail.

BIG 12 (all Texas teams)

AW SHUCKS

• Texas A&M
• Baylor
• Houston
• SMU
• Rice
• UTSA

HOWDY

• Texas
• TCU
• Texas Tech
• Texas State
• North Texas
• UTEP

Thoughts: easily the best of the four state-exclusive conferences. This is going to be super competitive every year, and I love that the winner gets bragging rights as the best team in Texas.

Big East (Carolinas vs. Louisiana)

CAROLINAS

• North Carolina
• North Carolina State
• South Carolina
• East Carolina
• Clemson
• Duke

LOUISIANA

• LSU
• Louisiana Tech
• UL Monroe
• UL Lafayette
• Tulane
• Wake Forest (the Carolinian sleeper agent)

Thoughts: like this one too. Carolinas vs. Louisiana is a cool theme; winning your division earns you state (or region) bragging rights, and then you have to go prove which of the two plays better football in the CCG.

BIG TEN (flyover states vs. the heartland)

FLATLANDS

• Oklahoma
• Oklahoma State
• Tulsa
• Kansas
• Kansas State
• Missouri
• Nebraska

MICHIOWA

• Michigan
• Michigan State
• Eastern Michigan
• Western Michigan
• Central Michigan
• Iowa
• Iowa State

Thoughts: The spread attacks of the Big 12 flyover states vs. the methodical offenses of the Michigan and Iowa schools. Super interesting contras

Rotten Tomatoes

Critics Consensus: The fifth Scream finds the franchise working harder than ever to maintain its meta edge -- and succeeding surprisingly often.

Metacritic: 65 (28 Reviews)

Sample Reviews:

The new "Scream" may be the first horror movie that turns the mockery of fan service into its own fan service. Is it fun? Mostly, yes. - Owen Gleiberman, Variety

Seriously over-indulges in self-referential cleverness, to the point of undermining the actual scare factor. - David Rooney, The Hollywood Reporter

A horror movie, through and through. It's also a small-town drama. It's also a vicious and spot-on commentary about some of the more repugnant fads in the modern entertainment hellscape. It's also extremely funny. - William Bibbiani, TheWrap

Even afresh batchof newcomers can't keep the staleness from creeping in, although the new "Scream" nicely mines modern movie discourse in a way to justify its own existence. 2.5/4 - Brian Truitt, USA Today

The new "Scream" stabs and jabs at our memories of the original and creates some bloody fresh twists of its own. 3.5/4 - Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times

The new creative team effectively taps into a quarter century of real-world affinity from fans for some clever meta commentary within the film. 3/4 - Zaki Hasan, San Francisco Chronicle

It stumbles by the end - these movies always do - but by bringing itself full circle, it stands as the best "Scream" since the original. B- - Adam Graham, Detroit News

It does little but reference the previous films (this is the fifth in the franchise), but it does so in smart, fun ways. 3.5/5 - Bill Goodykoontz, Arizona Republic

Over two hours, Cinco de Scream-o lumbers along with routine kills and few surprises even when it makes lame attempts at shocking us. 2/4 - Johnny Oleksinski, New York Post

I have to admit that there is some watchable gonzo humour to this fivequel (though I hid under my seat for the violent bits.) 3/5 - Peter Bradshaw, Guardian

The whole cast are game, bringing the same fresh-faced, cool kid energy that's been the common denominator of every past Scream star... And the film finds plenty of ways to deliver fresh and funny scares. 4/5 -

We have gotten a lot of feedback asking to make a post for all the comments and shenanigans generated by the ESPN Manning Cast.

If you want to share a funny video, picture or quote from the Mannings or their guest - put it in here. All other posts will be removed.

Apologies for the delay, I was busy doing something super important. Yeah, that.

#TONIGHT'S GUESTS

• Bill Parcells
• Kevin Hart
• Condoleezza Rice
• Julian Edelman

The only way this is going to make sense is if I start at the beginning: August 21, 1982.

A baby girl was born shortly after midnight. I wasn’t the mother’s doctor, but I was the attending on the same labor and delivery floor. Even though the newborn’s Apgar was good, she was clearly in great distress. The on-call pediatrician raced the child to the NICU. Twenty minutes later, I was called to consult.

“You want me to check on the mother?” I’m an obstetrician. I care for pregnant women and deliver their babies. Once they’re born, the infants become pediatric patients. Why was I being called into the neonatal unit?

“No, Dr. Kaizen. It’s the child. Please come to the NICU.” I heard panic creeping into my colleague’s voice.

The baby lay in a NICU incubator, screaming. The nursing staff stood at a distance. None of them were looking at the child. They stared at the floor, or the far wall, or at me. These were experienced neonatal ICU nurses. They had dealt with every horrible condition that could possibly result from birth. But whatever was in the incubator had rattled them.

“How is this an obstetrics case?”

The pediatrician gestured to the incubator. “Please examine the patient, Dr. Kaizen, and tell me what you think.”

The baby girl looked like a healthy birthweight baby – eight pounds or so. But her abdomen was terribly distended. She certainly had a good reason for screaming.

I gently palpated the girl’s bulging belly, expecting to feel signs of fluid or gas. I didn’t. Instead, I felt an enlarged uterus. The fundus was near the infant’s sternum. I gently squeezed the sides of the child’s belly, feeling with my fingertips a miniature version of what I feel with my whole hands in adult patients. I placed my palm on her tiny belly. There was an almost imperceptible flutter, then something gently pushed against my hand.

I turned to the NICU staff. Their eyes were locked on me, hands holding their mouths or touching their foreheads.

I said, “this infant is pregnant. And she is in labor.”

I did my best to remain calm, but I heard my voice crack as I spoke. Something was inside this newborn. Something had grown Inside her as she developed in the womb, and it wanted to get out. I have as much experience as the NICU nurses with the terrible effects of abnormal pregnancies. No matter what condition my patients and their fetuses had suffered from, I had never felt what I felt at that moment: fear. Fear of what was inside of this baby.

I delivered the

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Honourable Mentions: Donkey Kong Country 2, Detroit: Become Human, Horizon Zero Dawn, & Ocarina of Time. I put so many because choosing a 10th pick was difficult and any one of these could have been in that spot.

10. No Man’s Sky

Sometimes I find it hard to put into words why I love this game so much. When I picked it up it didn’t take long at all for me to become captivated by it. Every galaxy I explore I see all these new planets and even though I’ve seen similar ones before I get so curious to see what it has and I keep seeing something new. For example, I once landed on a random planet and learned that it only had one animal on it and it looked identical to the only flora - a large steel-looking sphere with some roots twirling around it. Made absolutely no sense to me and I never saw anything like it before or since. I’m the kind of guy that loves to just sit back and relax while playing a game and not doing much of anything - just wander around aimlessly while exploring and just think about my life or listen to podcasts or YouTube videos, so this game was perfect for me. I just lay back and relax after a long day and fly around or record new fauna on new planets. Games like this let me explore new environments without pushing me toward any specific objective and let me divert some of my mental energy away from the game and let the game passively help me relax. In addition to that there’s lots of things you can do to keep busy like taking on jobs to help you afford better ships, freighters, upgrades, and base parts, base building, or managing settlements, so if I ever want to do something to advance in the game a little I can do that while still not feeling like the game is making me do anything. It’s also just an absolutely gorgeous game with so many different landscapes and I just love doing some sightseeing. The story as well (although disappointingly short) was surprisingly good and asked questions about what it means to be alive, what the purpose of life is, and what it means to be alone. There were a few instances in the story where I was genuinely impressed by the philosophy integrated into a game I expected to not have much going for it story-wise. If you’re anything like me in terms of what you want out of video games I highly recommend this.

9. Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door

I loved this game ever since I was a kid but always faltered on the final boss until I picked it up a few years ago. This game is a masterpiece and I’m so