Once, I asked a monster what his favourite file compression format was. He said "RAR!"
I have read that puns are not a feature of German humour...
So are German Dad's humourless? I doubt it.
Some examples of German (or any other non-English) Dad jokes please!
My dad pulled one on my brother when he was going to an interview for an internship with UPS (delivery service).
"What does the UPS guy say when he drops a package?"
"What?"
"Oops"
Laughed too hard at first because I thought it was some sort of anti-joke. But nope, just a lame pun. Stay classy, pops.
Hi everyone what are your best most lame puns?
What do you think about necromancy? I think it's a dead art...
A guy with no legs can’t walk.
(Courtesy of my 5 yr old)
Butt willy?
They/them
(They slash them)
Of corpse they do....
Telepathetic
Edit: How tf this is my first post that blew over 1k!!
Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. We’ll be serving:
Chicken nuggets PB&Js (in the shape of guitars) Veggie tray Fruit tray Water & juice
I’m struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isn’t even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know 😂 Help me out if you can think of any more!
But no pun in ten did.
But the reception was amazing.
Dad: Is that a fret?
Burnadebt
(Just thought of this and I gotta admit...I'm a little bit proud of myself.)
My dad tells these old jokes all the time and acts like it's the first time we've ever heard them each time. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the lake? Bob What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs under the car? Jack What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the wall? Art What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the mail? Bill What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the doorstep? Matt What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in stage? Mike And his personal favorite... What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs above the window? Curt n' Rod
You could say /r/dadjokes a lot.
So you might say I was PUNished...
But I keep reminding them that camping is in-tents
"Reddit," replies his dad.
"Whatever," replies the kid. "Where did you read that lame joke?"
I said "Hi sick-and-tired-of-all-your-lame-ass-stupid-jokes, I'm Dad."
Sorry if this is against the rules (doesn't appear so from what I read), but I'm looking for Gyoza puns. My attempts have been a bit lame so far. Thought I'd try the hive mind here if any takers? If you've goyza any please share!
Bodum-tishh
She was getting ready for a birthday party and comes running in:
Her: "Dad I can't find any socks to wear, and my favorite pair has a hole in it."
Me: "Well don't throw them away you can wear them to church on Sunday."
Her: "Huh, why?"
Me: "Because they're hole-y."
Her: "Uuuuhhh, daaaad."
I feel proud.
My 3 year old daughter recently began to ask questions about everything - before she just went on with our routine.
Today we told her we should go get some lunch. She said "what is lunch?" - as in, "what are we having for lunch?"
I went on to to explain to her what lunch is; at what time it's had, how it is placed in the mouth with utensils, how the food is chewed, etc.
She just stared at me with a blank face of utter confusion. I can't wait until she starts to get these and actually finds them annoying.
You'd be a subcontractor.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Rabbit.
Rabbit who?
Rabbit up carefully, it's a present!
...But seriously I am looking for jokes about using crutches.
Dad: How many dead people are in there?
Me: I have no idea
Dad: Hopefully all of them are.
Lame, I know, but this actually happened to me when I was 12
- I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
- How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
- This dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
- A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
- I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
- Broken pencils are pointless.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
- I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Velcro - what a rip off!
- Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
But no pun in ten did
