Lame Puns

I have read that puns are not a feature of German humour...

So are German Dad's humourless? I doubt it.

Some examples of German (or any other non-English) Dad jokes please!

Butt willy?

Telepathetic

Edit: How tf this is my first post that blew over 1k!!

But no pun in ten did.

Just sum

Dad: Is that a fret?

But the reception was amazing.

My dad tells these old jokes all the time and acts like it's the first time we've ever heard them each time. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the lake? Bob What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs under the car? Jack What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the wall? Art What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the mail? Bill What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the doorstep? Matt What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in stage? Mike And his personal favorite... What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs above the window? Curt n' Rod

You could say /r/dadjokes a lot.

So you might say I was PUNished...

But I keep reminding them that camping is in-tents

"Reddit," replies his dad.

"Whatever," replies the kid. "Where did you read that lame joke?"

I said "Hi sick-and-tired-of-all-your-lame-ass-stupid-jokes, I'm Dad."

Bodum-tishh

Not a cool vessel.

She was getting ready for a birthday party and comes running in:

Her: "Dad I can't find any socks to wear, and my favorite pair has a hole in it."

Me: "Well don't throw them away you can wear them to church on Sunday."

Her: "Huh, why?"

Me: "Because they're hole-y."

Her: "Uuuuhhh, daaaad."

I feel proud.

My 3 year old daughter recently began to ask questions about everything - before she just went on with our routine.

Today we told her we should go get some lunch. She said "what is lunch?" - as in, "what are we having for lunch?"

I went on to to explain to her what lunch is; at what time it's had, how it is placed in the mouth with utensils, how the food is chewed, etc.

She just stared at me with a blank face of utter confusion. I can't wait until she starts to get these and actually finds them annoying.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Rabbit.

Rabbit who?

Rabbit up carefully, it's a present!

You'd be a subcontractor.

...But seriously I am looking for jokes about using crutches.

• I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
• How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
• This dyslexic man walks into a bra.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
• I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro - what a rip off!
• Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Me: I think I'll go get some sushi Friend: I'm getting some Pho, wanna come? Me: Phony enouph, I'm not a big phan of Pho

I wonder, could even a grizzly bear it?

little girl drinking bug juice.

' You know why they call it bug juice?'

' Why?'

' It's got grapes in it.'

she just looked lost... it was priceless. Best visitation of my father's I've ever been to.

edit: fk autocorrect

Me and my family are from Krasnoyarsk, Russia. But I've known English most of my life by now. My dad, however, is from Georgia, and thinks its hilarious to play on Russian words. I recently got a new Mazda Miata. Every Tim he sees it, he says "Nice car, man!" In Russian. Car=машина(Ma-shee-na) Man=мужчина(Mu-zh-chee-na) Get it? Nice musheena, musheena! He won't stop.

My mom came home a while ago and said she bought throw blankets. I take one and throw it onto the couch and tell her it works well.

My dad comes back a little while later and he asks about the throw blankets and why we're keeping them. He says we should throw them away.

But no pun in ten did

That was the joke.