Do you know why ancient egyptians had such a hard time recruiting laborers?
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︎ Jun 01 2019
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldnโt! wouldnโt! couldnโt! didnโt! canโt! The doctor says "don't worry."
โThose are just contractions.โ
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︎ Sep 16 2020
With no buses, trains, or taxis in sight, and my wife going into labor, I figured the only solution was a piggyback.
But she refused to give me one.
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︎ Feb 27 2021
What is a pregnant women's favourite part of a hike?
The water break...
Said this during a hike so it was all the more sweeter to hear the only two dad's chuckle.
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︎ Feb 22 2021
My wife was going into labor and kept frantically shouting, "Call me an ambulance! Call me an ambulance!"
So I said, "You're an ambulance."
What a strange thing to say
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︎ Dec 26 2020
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didnโt laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
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︎ Aug 26 2020
My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.
She was having a midwife crisis.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, โWhatโs wrong?โ. She screamed. โThese contractions are going to kill me!!โ
โI am sorry, honey,โ I replied. โWhat is wrong?โ
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︎ Aug 03 2019
What labor camps do zombies go to?
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︎ Sep 19 2020
I got hired to paint someoneโs home.
I charged for the labor but not the paint. The homeowner said, โwhy didnโt you charge for the paint?โ I said, โdonโt worry about the paint. Itโs on the house.โ
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︎ Feb 06 2021
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...
When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.
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︎ Sep 02 2020
Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."
My first official dad joke.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! Iโll be putting this in my little oneโs Reddit Scholarship Fund!
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︎ Jan 09 2019
Did you hear about the coal mining startup that used child labor? Thankfully they caught it early.
So it was only a minor minor miner issue.
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︎ Jun 11 2020
During her first pregnancy my wife was concerned with how much labor was going to hurt.
I told her don't worry about it, he came out of me first and it felt fine.
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︎ Jul 16 2020
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didnโt laugh at any of them. Nevertheless Iโve persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today sheโs in labor with our fourth and Iโve finally got her laughing...
I think Iโve really improved the delivery!
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︎ Jun 25 2020
I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.
Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.
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︎ Jul 16 2020
When my mom was in labor, my head got stuck in her, and the midwife had to pull me out.
Thatโs how excited I was to see my little brother.
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︎ Aug 12 2018
Today I tried to get a job at a general labor temp agency but was told I didn't qualify.
I am only cleared for leiutenant labor.
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︎ Apr 23 2020
"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you", she yelled back at me.
A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.
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︎ Apr 03 2020
I canโt wait till my Wife and I have a our first baby.
Iโll hand them to her and say โHereโs the fruits of your labor.โ
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︎ Jan 28 2021
A woman in labor started shouting, โShouldnโt, wouldnโt, canโt donโt.โ The doctor turned to the husband and said,
โDonโt worry, theyโre only contractions.โ
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︎ Feb 26 2020
Where do you take someone whoโs been injured in a peak-a-boo accident?
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︎ May 02 2020
Me: My wife is going into labor! Operator: Is this her first child?
Me: No itโs her husband......
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︎ Apr 01 2020
Not cool Dad...not cool
So my dad's telling my relatives the story of how my mom was in labor for 12 hours so they named me 'Laura' which if you say it in Vietnamese accent it's 'Lau-ra' which means "Long time to come out"...
IMAGINE FINDING OUT AFTER 21 YEARS YOUR NAME IS A FUCKING PUN ..
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︎ Dec 26 2020
They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...
A wide berth for a wide birth.
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︎ Oct 02 2019
A lady was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
The doctor said to the husband, "don't get too alarmed... She's just having contractions."
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︎ Nov 25 2018
When my wife went into labor, I was going to tell her dad jokes to try to relax her, but I was worried about the delivery.
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︎ Jan 06 2019
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because thatโs the babyโs crowning achievement.
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︎ Nov 25 2019
I thought of perfect Dad joke while my wife was in labor
But I messed up the delivery.
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︎ Oct 03 2019
One line Labor Day jokes
Did you hear the one about Labor Day?
It works for me!
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︎ Aug 25 2019
Happy Labor Day to all the moms out there. We appreciate you!
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︎ Sep 02 2019
[request] my wife will be going into labor soon.
Would you guys be willing to please give me some fantastic puns/dad jokes for the delivery room to make the occasion extra memorable? Thanks in advance.
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︎ Feb 08 2018
I had a joke about Labor Day...
unfortunately it didnโt work out
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︎ Sep 02 2019
TIL that sea-faring pirates were quite progressive in their labor practices, reserving a portion of their loot into an early sort of worker's comp, paying for peg-legs and hooks.
They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.
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︎ Sep 02 2019
My favorite thing about being born on labor day
Labor day I was born a pun and I love it. I'm legally pun
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︎ Aug 09 2019
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, โHow about epidural anesthesia?โ
I said, โThanks, but we already picked a name.โ
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︎ Apr 05 2019
So, I was very nervous because while my wife was on labor in our car, going to the hospital, we still had not decided what name to give our son. We never made it to the hospital, but the incident helped us to name our son.
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︎ Jan 16 2019
Did you know the match makers' union didn't have picket lines for their labor disputes?
They were strike anywhere.
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︎ Jul 25 2019
While all physical labor jobs are hard on your body...
...Coal miners really get the shaft.
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︎ Feb 15 2019
REQUEST: Dads, Lend me your strength!
What are your best dad jokes for the maternity visit? The baby is days away and I need an arsenal for these here finger guns (โ๏พใฎ๏พ)โ
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︎ Jul 07 2020
Methheads in labor...
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︎ Jun 10 2018
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, โShouldnโt! Wouldnโt! Couldnโt! Didnโt! Canโt!โ
โDonโt worry,โ said the doc. โThose are just contractions.โ
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︎ Apr 07 2019
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didnโt seem amused...
I guess it was the delivery!
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︎ Aug 06 2019
When my mom was in labor she suddenly shouted โShouldnโt! Wouldnโt! Couldnโt! Didnโt! Canโt!โ
My dad said to the doctor, โdonโt worry those are just contractionsโ
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︎ Oct 04 2019
They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...
A wide berth for a wide birth.
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︎ Oct 01 2019
Happy Labor day to all the moms out there. We appreciate everything you went through!
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︎ Sep 03 2018
While my wife was in labor, I told her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she wasn't amusedโฆ
It must have been the deliveryโฆ
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︎ Aug 30 2017
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