Jane: I miss England.

Tarzan: Me no understand. You win beauty pageant?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Did you hear that Jane declined Tarzan’s proposal?

He was known to be a swinger.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Idontknowwhoiam_1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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What would the title of a sequel to Jane Eyre be?

Jane’s Heir

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dponnada8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Did you hear about Jane who fell into the meat chopper ? They say it was an accident.

Well, I had been on the scene and disagree with that.

To me it looked like a mincident

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Snipes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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Jane Foster will be allowed to wield Mjolnir because she and Thor have an understanding.

They're in a polyhammerous relationship.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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TIL colons can change the meaning of a sentence drastically: "Jane ate her friend's lunch." would become:

"Jane ate her friend's colon."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redrockit06
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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Jane Austen IS best known for period drama.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teejango
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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More and more people are sticking cheese on the tips of their fingers. Jane, who puts Camembert on her index finger, is a casein point.
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Jane hated her hometown, Down

So one day, she right up left Down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmlrmlchess
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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I once met a Jane Doe

She was kind, playful and very endeering.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangePenguin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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When Mary Jane and Peter Parker hit a rough patch,

She cut off ties to spite her man.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJamerican
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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Little mary jane was walking down the street with her mother. Her mother saw a quarter in the road and went out to pick it up and got hit by a bus.

Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/questionall101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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Jane's Addiction imgur.com/GLqQZhp
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2017
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I phoned up the place where I'd applied for a job at. I said, "I'm looking for Jane Wilkinson. The manager of the department."

She said, "Speaking...?"

I said, "English."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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My dad just asked me to pass the bowl of Mary Jane
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerflinger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2013
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πŸ˜‚the accuracy...πŸ’₯
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimcyrus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Frank: ...girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.

Jane Spencer: Goodyear? Frank: No, the worst. (Courtesy of Naked Gun)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shumumazzu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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Barber: Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Would you like me to colour your hair?

Janes Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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Eggar Allan Poe - chicken names needed

My husband and I are trying to think of creative chicken names for our new chickens. I want to call them literary puns, and so far I have the following:

Ernest Henningway

Charles Chickens

Eggar Allan Poe

Jane Aust-Hen

Lay K Rowling

Any other great suggestions?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katetonta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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What was Peter Parker’s favorite drug?

Mary Jane

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iTeachClassics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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My dad used β€œtitanium dioxides” in a sentence...

So my sister is writing a research paper for her PhD and it involves titanium dioxides. This is an actual email my Dad sent the family email chain while we were discussing the paper (all names have been changed for privacy):

β€œ"Aunt Jane! Can you use the term titanium dioxides in a sentence so we can better understand its meaning?" asked her curious niece at the Thanksgiving family meal.

"Sure" said Dr Doe, "Mr and Mrs Tanium ran a tannery for years. Their son Ty used to shoot water buffaloes for sport, but his parents convinced him that he should at least save the pelts. So now his parents and Ty Tanium dye ox hides!"

Beat that one!

Dad”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0rgullet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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What was Bambi's mother's name?

Jane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrangeBedfellows
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
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What do you call an unidentifiable deer?

Jane doe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oldman_ballz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
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Dad's old one-two combo.

Dad: Hey, why did the elephant paint his balls red?

Me: Umm.. I don't know, why?

Dad: To hide in a cherry tree!

Me: ...

Dad: Okay.. how did Tarzan get killed?

Me: sigh I don't know Dad, how?

Dad: Picking cherries!

Facepalms all around by everyone in earshot, and Dad would know that he had done well.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danmayzing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2013
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Support groups

Procrastinator's Anonymous will be canceled because all the members have put off coming to at least next week. (Credit unknown)

Jane finally decided to join Narcotics Anonymous after getting needled into coming. (Original)

I bet you 50:1 odds that Joe won't be here at Gamblers Anonymous tonight. (Original)

As Laura spoke at AA, I found her account intoxicating. (Original)

Even if I were transgender, I doubt I'd ever go to a Crossdressers Anonymous meeting. I hear those meetings are literally a drag. (Original)

At a computer users' group, a guy was complaining that his Linux-loving girlfriend refused to do Windows. (Original)

I plum need to attend a Purple Anonymous meeting. (Original)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
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My uncle just sighed and shook his head in disappointment

My uncle said to my grandmother that he saw a picture of Jane Fonda when she was younger and he said she was really cute. I say across the room, "I guess he was really Fonda her"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elcielo17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2016
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Wedding Dad Jokes, buckle-up

So I'm not a dad but I do have fatherly aspirations. I told this joke at a wedding for a friend of mine. All names have changed except the bride's last name- it's a big part of the joke. My buddy we'll call Bob Smith, and his bride is Jane Patton.

After the father of the bride gives his toast, and the best man does his, I grab the mike from the best man and begin. This is as verbatim as I can remember. So I intro myself and promise to keep my comment short and say,

"Bob, I just want to say you're a great friend of mine, like a brother, and one thing I love about you is you're always surprising me. Like today for instance, I didn't know you were an inventor. Lo and behold, you've got your name on a Patton!"

Chuckles, drowned out by groans. I apologize and return to my seat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daniffer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
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Do you guys have a gym here?

Yeah, we have a Jane, too!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nncydrw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2014
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