They kept coming over singing those damn Christmas carols. Bah humbug!
I'm cloisterphobic
Naturally
Harmonic Re-zone-ance
Heβs a Night Mayor
Because they cantaloupe.
But it seemed like a Phishing attempt to me
There was so much history between us.
An operate!
Al Kaline
I didnβt know i was that out of touch
Cool. Feed my horse.
Everyone's out there trying to Deck the Halls.
Every time I walk by she says, βWhat an Ass.β
Me being half baked asked how else would he get to his room?
Awkward silence for about 5 seconds then the dealer starts laughing and then everyone else. I got complimented on my dad joke.
Iβm not dad, Iβm just baked.
I dont like tractors any more
Hollow Notes
They always vote neigh.
Hello everyone. Today, a 72-year-old man named Mike came into my office. Mike blessed me with many gifts, a sampling of which I would like to share with you all here.
First, Mike asked how I was. I said "good, how are you?" Mike: I had a dream last night I was a muffler. And when I woke up it scared me because I was exhausted.
Mike also has an ex wife. "My Ex wife was so ugly her mom made her go trick or treating by telephone so she didnβt scare the other children."
Not just one ex wife, Mike has two ex wives. "My ex wife was so ugly I used to take her to work with me so I didnβt have to kiss her goodbye"
Mike does a lot of work for various charities. "I asked the lady at a restaurant if I could post my flyer for an event in the window. She said 'that depends, are you a non-profit?' I said 'lady I've got two ex wives, I haven't had profit in 30 years!'"
Those darn ex wives. "Iβm so poor a pick pocket tried to rob me the other day and all he got was practice."
Mike actually came to my office to tell me about a basketball camp he's putting on next week. He's been playing basketball for 64 years. "I was a great athlete in high school. I was voted most valuable player by all the cheerleaders."
There was one girl though who got away. "There was a girl who lived down the street and I used to call her all the time and say 'Sarah, can I come over?' and she'd say no. So one day she called & said βMike, come over, nobody's home.β So I went to her house and she was right, there wasnβt anybody there."
That girl may be why he didn't play baseball. "I played football, basketball and track. Someone asked me 'Mike, why didn't you play baseball?' I said 'because I was already so good at striking out!'"
Anyways, Mike went on to have a lengthy career in TV and radio, until he didn't. "I had to quit my job for medical reasons. My boss said I made her sick."
Thank you for your time.
9 Inch Nails
βSighs doesnβt matter, guys!β
She was B 10 and robbed.
https://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/aqpdep/if_at_first_you_dont_succeed/egho6hb?context=1
Me: "Do you know if they are rejecting any trees at the firehall this year?"
Wife: "No...? I haven't heard anything"
Me: "I guess they still have an o-PINE door policy!"
Wife: "I hate you so much right now"
Apex Legends
Eh, they had their shot.
βThere is? Well what are you waiting for? Use it to try to kill that black thing flying around.β
They were haulin' oats
Knowing a slam book could not be replaced I tried consoling him, but I remembered digitalized it for him a year ago I quickly logged on to the PC to check if I had a backup. He quickly smiled and said it had a Blue cover, after about 10mins of searching I asked him if he remembered what I named the book. He burst out and said Facebook.
Frustrated I left the room to find my entire family sitting in the hall, and my mother goes "He did it to you too, didn't he"
And I'm here perplexed by the lengths a dad would go for his jokes.
The Script and will.i.am could be your flatmates
..."Don, we now are gay apparel."
As Iβm walking down the hall I notice that my girls have their light on and they should be in bed already. I poke my head in and ask why their light is on. They replied that theyβre looking for something. I turned off the light and responded that they should be looking for the back of their eyelids!
She had con-troll issues.
http://imgur.com/gallery/Pbr9o
At least that's what somebody once told me.
Everybody wearing Polo, Nike, Ralph Lauren, ect. was killed. After the cops came the they found one survivor and asked him " How'd you survive son?"
"I was wearing under-armor" he replied.
There was too much history between us.
I was too self conscious to say hello.
I mean there was all this history between us!
