Just found out im still a part of the catholic church even though ive been an atheist for years...
...guess you could call me a serial sinner
Ive been waiting for one entire year for this moment
Please destroy me for this monster ive created
Ive invented a product that increases the size of your basement...
I hope it is a big cellar.
Ive checked and checked and i just cant work out why my calculator has stopped working!!!
Ive been reading this book called “The A to Z of Northern Europe”, but it’s taking me ages...
Not sure I’ll ever get to the Finish
Ive invented a new phone charger
The results are shocking.
Ive never owned a telescope in my life.
It’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
Ive never been to central europe,
but I might czech it out.
Ive just bought a wooden car. It’s got a wooden engine, wooden doors, wooden wheels, wooden seats, put the wooden key in the wooden ignition. There’s just one problem...
Ive always been fond of winter
The people always seem to be cooler
Ive been waiting all year to post this
Ive recently got a job making chess pieces
I'm currently working knights
Ive just deleted all the German names from my phone.
Now, I'm completely Hans-free
Ive been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.
As i get older and remember all the people ive lost along the way, I think...
maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me
Ive been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper
I only intended to rough him up abit
Ive been trying to grow my food, to be more healthy
I just can't find any bacon seeds
Ive got a petunia who doesnt know if its a boy or a girl.
Ive been going to this amazing socialist prenatal yoga center called Stretch Marx.
ive been reading this great book about anti gravity....
I just cant seem to put it down
Ive just discovered you can get viagra tea bags.....
They don't improve your sex life.
But they stop your biscuits going soft. 😎
Ive discovered a synonym for Ironman
Im convinced that ive got a foot disease
There's not a gout in my mind.
Ive de-faced federal currency
About 10 years ago me and my friends all made a decision to be mechanics but john said "ive changed my mind. I want to be a business man". Everyone was annoyed.
Me and john got into an argument about it, "we all made an agreement that we would be mechanics" "well i want to be a business man" said john "well suit yourself"
I can count the amount of times Ive been to Chernobyl on one hand
Ive been reading books about fans
Ive always wanted a small room to store asian cooking tools
you know, a Wok-in closet
Ive been trying to work out if the grass really is greener on the other side.
But so far I'm still on the fence.
Ive always looked up to George Michael
I've always fancied myself a man of the peephole
Ive been Dad joking everyone lately
I recently got a haircut and it's a lot shorter than what it used to be. Every time someone comes up to me and goes "oh i like your hair" I just reply "Thanks. I grew it myself"
Did this at work to a client (Ive been practicing baby is due in January, hope this still counts)
Client: this building looks horrible I wouldn't be surprised if there was asbestos everywhere
Me: hey we are doing as bestas we can!
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