Integrable Puns

He is a real Mister Riemann.

He remembered to add the sea.

I'm not lion and won't be a cheetah

It was hard to differentiate between them.

But the odds were against them

I guess if they can afford to this,then they must really be....

                         rolling in the dough.

It's an integral part of education.

but I found it a little derivative

The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.

According to Calculus, we will get an Amazon, plus a sea.

Only a fraction of people understand that joke.

Now that's what I call structural integrity

A Wi-Fi thotspot

If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.

When he got to old man Johnson’s house the old man said “My yard doesn’t need any work, but my porch is in need of a coat of paint. I’ll pay you 50 bucks, and if you finish by sundown I’ll throw in a 50 dollar bonus”.

With a confused look on his face little Johnny accepted the offer and got to work.

Less than an hour later little Johnny knocked on old man Johnson’s door to collect his hundred dollars.

“All finished, that’ll be one hundred dollars”!

Noticing there wasn’t a single drop of paint on the porch the old man started quizzing little Johnnys integrity.

“Now little Johnny, are you absolutely positively one hundred percent sure you finished painting my porch”?

“I sure am! Oh and by the way that’s not a porch, it’s a Ferrari”!

ln(x) chats it up and has a great time, but e^x stands against a wall.

“What's the matter?” ln(x) asks e^x.

“I'm nervous about integrating,” replies e^x, shyly covering its face.

“Oh, that's simple,” ln(x) replies. “Just be yourself.”

lol calculus

He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.

She wears an algaebra.

I just don't see the point.

...the after-math

Cuz they don’t wanna integrate!

....how can you even function ?

We're a fairly advanced society, we need jokes with content that makes us think. All these easy laughs are making us dumber by the second, and we just keep rewarding them with upvotes that convince the lazy among us to keep churning out lazy jokes. Comedy is one of the only common traits things in every society and culture on this planet and we may not always agree with what is funny, it's very subjective, but no society or culture has no comedy. It's one of the most effective unifiers in all human existence. Of course it's just my two cents, but we really need to avoid cheapening it. There are 6500 spoken languages in the world and this is the most widely spoken, the least spoken languages of course being sign language. Someone once said "a world without laughter would be like a world without warmth, a dark hole in the ground filled with cold water." I know they mean well, but I think it's worse than that. There are three unwritten rules for how comedy should function in the world. We have to learn to follow them or we're doomed as a people, forever, however just like there are two butts in the word "assassin", there are two caveats to this dire situation with lessons learned from the best there is. One is the lesson we can take from Switzerland, I'm not entirely sure what makes them so good at integrating comedy into their lives, but their flag is a huge plus. The other is the lesson we can learn from farmers who know how to put what's important first, how to put in the effort into growing something, and they are always outstanding in their field. We get too caught up in standard modalities of thinking and none of us are totally all right, in fact most of us are at least close to half left. In closing, the absence of comedy when you really think about it, is fear. Fear of the ups and downs of life, much like a fear of elevators. And just like a fear of elevators, we all must take steps to avoid it. Thank you for your time.

Disappointed

You integrate them

I said, "It's a calc class, I guess you could say curves are integral to our class."

Groans filled the room. I laughed hysterically.

Seems like Mississippi still has a problem with

( •_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

integration

(⌐■_■)

"Don't drink and Derive."

(Obviously not my OC.)

But anti-derivatives are integral to our education.

Every time he tries to integrate, he ends up by himself.

And she goes: "Rice is an integral ingredient in Indian cuisine"

So I answered "You really wouldn't wanna derive from it then, eh?"

The glare she gave me afterwards was priceless :)

A man of great integrity and honor who attends my temple began earning some extra cash by driving for an app-based ride sharing service. To market his services to people in the temple, he made business cards offering rides from the Uber Mensch. He thought that the Jewish community was underserved and that he could fill that Nietzsche.

He hated those integrals.

My view on my sub-par math teacher completely changed today. Both terrible amazing jokes were said today to the same kid, Tom.

Incident #1: Teacher: So how do you set up this integral? Tom: explains what numbers go where Teacher: Alright, and what are we integrating with respect to? Tom: Y. Teacher. Because I asked.

Incident #2: Teacher: And so, what is the answer? Tom: gives answer Teacher: Are you sure? Tom: Yes. Teacher: Oh, I thought you were Tom.

I was literally the only person in our 10 person class who laughed at those.

We were wondering what the most advanced calculator was that we can still use in exams.

Our teacher showed us a calculator with a lot of advanced features (e.g. differentiation, integration, matrices) and said "You're allowed to use ones like these but I don't think you can have graphing calculators."

To which I said "So that's where they draw the line."

I recently subscribed to this sub and it's my new favorite. I shamelessly stole the "tan line" joke for Facebook and a nerd volley with another dad ensued quickly.

Me: Wow, this warmer weather is getting me ready for spring. Hey, I'm already getting ready for summer, check out my tan line! <graph of tangent>

Him: It's certainly not a farmer's tan line...not straight enough.

Me: No farmer's life for me. It's not something I'd sine up for.

Him: ...and I wouldn't cosine your startup loan. (groan)

Me: Sheesh, there's no reason to be hyperbolic.

Him: I really must learn how to integrate all your math vocabulary into my daily life.

Me: You'd really have to think of some way to differentiate yours from mine.

Him: heh...maybe after I move to the delta and crawl under a natural log. I'm sorry, it just struck me that I'm acting the total asymptote.

Me: Ugh. The average of the posts in this thread is degenerating.

Him: We've traversed a slippery slope and while I don't mean to be mean we've gone way past the apex of this thread.

My wife: Nerds.

Me: You married me.

After running diagnostics on a clients computer it comes back with a RAM integrity error.

One coworker says its a lying cheating stick of RAM

another one says It may be lying and cheating... but come November I'm voting for it.

I was in maths today doing some further integration and complained about doing the trapezium rule again. He simply said 'Yeah the trapezium rule has its ups and downs.'

Of course i was the only one who laughed

He remembered to add the sea.

He remembered to add the sea.

It was impossible to differentiate between them.

f(x)=e^x and f(x)=ln(x) walk into a party. After a while, ln(x) is chatting everyone up and having a great time, while e^x is leaning on the wall and sulking. ln(x) asks eˣ what's wrong, and e^x says “I'm nervous about integrating.” ln(x) replies: “Oh, it's simple, just be yourself and see.”

An integral part of mathematics

It's an integral part of a mathematics education.

Teacher: Alright, so are we integrating this with repect to x or y?

Class: y.

Teacher: Because I asked you!