It was a PowerPoint presentation.
All that manual labor
I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely
But I always do 420° just to make it a little cooler.
...
...
...
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...Very quickly croco dial 911
“Atrium.”
“Bury him.”
“Cop here.”
“Outside.”
Despite his curtness, he encounters no resistance.
(Apologies for the bad physics joke.)
Why do ants go to hell?
They worship the Antychrist.
..."you suck".
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All seated back here, captain", came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing business cards."
They're step-by-step.
It was a total letdown.
However “stop being picked on at school” is arguably a worse choice.
But I don’t think we share a common language.
Now when I talk, I have this weird axe scent.
I told her to boil the hell out of it.
Copypasta
Emmanuel (Credit does to husband who said he thought of this one this morning)
After the Flood, God instructed all the animals to go forth and multiply. But some snakes didn't obey.
So Noah build a low platform of unfinished wood and put the snakes on it, and they began to multiply.
Noah's wife asked him what was the deal with the wooden platform.
Noah said "Oh, the snakes were adders, they needed a log table to multiply."
They came with step by step instructions.
420 is too high.
I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!
It's left me scratching my head to be honest.
He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".
It was full of useful pointers.
It dawned on him.
(my first original joke!)
It was counter intuitive.
They suspected he was carrying weapons of math instruction, and that he was a member of the Al-ge-bra movement.
Just then a blind man appeared on a nearby path. The man asked the farmer what he was doing, and the farmer told him about his problem. The farmer told the man how he had tried everything, from singing to the trees, to shaking them, to blowing on them. The blind man thought for a minute and then instructed the farmer to try listening to the trees, because their song was not being heard. The farmer was skeptical, but figured he may as well try. He put his ear up to one of the small apples, and could barely hear the faintest song playing. He turned to ask the blind man how to hear it better but the man had disappeared.
Later that day the man told his wife, Andrea, all about what had happened. The wife was skeptical as well, but she told her husband to talk to their friend Jim the beet farmer, because he always had a healthy crop. The farmer obliged his wife and went and told Jim about his experience. Jim smiled, and he motioned for the farmer to come with him. The two walked to the middle of a field full of red beets. In the very center they found two golden beets. Jim told his friend to take the golden beets, and bury them into the soil near his orchard.
Night was approaching, but the farmer agreed to do what he was told. He thanked his friend and took the two beets to the center of his orchard, while his wife Andrea looked on. As he pushed them into the ground he started to hear the song of the trees. The song was a little louder, but still very quiet.
The farmer dug up the beets and began moving them to other spots. He soon noticed that as he buried them closer to his wife, the louder the song became and the apples actually started growing. The farmer, excited by his discover, ran over to his wife and stuck the beets into the soil at her feet. The apple orchard sung loudly and came to life with new growth. The farmer had the best crop he had ever had that year.
Moral of the story: If you want to listen to apple music, try plugging in your beets by ‘Dre.
What are the chances?
Step 1 Step 2 Step 4 Step 7 Step 10, 14, 19
Well, it is invalid as I was sitting.
While assembling a new shelf for the wife she instructed me. "Don't mess up the floor!" So I threw down the flatten box with authority and proclaimed, "Protecto Dafloor'um"
The eye rolls for her and the kids were priceless!
The FBI charged her with weapons of math instruction.
They really threw the book at her…
Teacher: -So, add sunflower oil and stir
Me: -Hmm, I didn't quite understand that. I guess I'll ketchup later!
Yell "ow"
It was easier said then done.
It left me scratching my head.
You boil the hell out of it.
It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.
