Just remembered this today. Not 100% sure where to post this, but it does involve a joke told by my dad, so…
Several years ago, (I was probably 11-13, somewhere in there) my dad started tossing his empty cardboard six-pack holders into the garbage can in the bedroom shared by me and my brother. I don’t know why.
After doing this for a while, he walks into our room, looks in the garbage can, and says “Boys, I’m disappointed by the number of beer containers in your garbage can.” My brother and I grin at the stupid joke, and then we hear Mom from across the hall yell “WHAT?!?”
That took some explaining.
The have a LOT of fans
Trial mix.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked him. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," he replied innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed. "You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move."
Why is this? Well, according to the jury, there was no concrete evidence.
But when I got home, they were all still there.
there were a lot of red flags.
You wanna ride bikes?
The judge said it was immiscible as evidence.
We're going to a place called Eureka! It's a museum for kids, I told her where we were going and she repeated "eaka" I said "UR-EKA" To which she responded....
"I'm not "Eka"" with the cheekiest of grins at her dad getting her name wrong.
Through pure innocence, come the great essence of the Dad joke.
Because the scientists were brainstorming.
- My 7 year old. I am so proud
I told him I’d have to get a Piano, Man.
Just passed a random bit of agricultural land in the suburbs. A few cows were there and my wife, surprised to see them innocently asked how they got there. A truck she asked. GAME ON…
You’re kidding right, I asked??? C’mon…. Mooo ving van.
Pause for effect and then “Udderly true”. At this point she now catches the udderly part and repeats it. She laughs and I continue….
Gonna milk this for all it’s worth…
No Bull.
Old jokes but repurposed 1,2,3,4. Happy day all!!!
l just don't see it.
I got very annoyed when I found one of our cats, Steve, perched on a manyberry berry pie I had just baked. I was ready to yell at him when my son - 12 at the time - exclaimed "Stop Mom! Don't yell... he's just an innocent Pie Stander!"
Steve was not yelled at.
The frame was remarkable
Because he de-neigh-ed everything.
Because he was out of alignment.
He said “I believe i can, fly”
Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.
He told me to use an Aphid David.
An inno_dollar_.
I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.
Because they are on the doughnut call list
"There was no punchline, your honor."
It is truly a momental piece in legal history.
I didn’t mean anything bad by it - it was just an innocent swipe-o
does it become gill tea?
My wife called me up from the animal shelter the other day wanting to adopt a dog. Since money is tight current, I specifically said "0 canine". Now I'm the proud owner of 9 German shepherd pups and will from now on pronounce "0" as "Zero".
Innocent kid - who????
Evil laugh- your butt cheeks
Pfizer vaccination on Friday night at a local CVS. The place was packed and there was an older couple there thanking everyone for getting vaccinated. When my wife and daughter got home they were telling me about how packed it was. My daughter mentioned the older couple and said that when they thanked her, they asked which shot she received. “Pfizer”, she said. The couple said, “Well we’re Moderna folks!” My daughter asked me why that mattered…. Well, I said… In 2 years, all of us Modera folks will have grown two heads and all of you Pfizer people will probably have four arms. My daughter then looks innocently at both my wife and I and said, “what about the people that got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?” My wife and I completely lost it… we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt. My daughter started laughing too, but had no idea.
Innocent.
You can’t arrest me. I am in-a-cent (innocent).
Pelvis Restly!
He knocks on our door and before even stepping in, he goes "Did you hear about that guy across the road? He was taken away by the police last night when they found him getting high in the supermarket car park sniffing batteries."
"Sniffing batteries!? I didn't even know that was a thing. What do you reckon they're going to do with him?" I said innocently. Then I saw this big smug shit-eating grin, and immediately knew what was coming.
"I dunno, I'm guessing they're going to leave him in a dry cell until they figure out what to charge him with."
"Well, if you are what you eat, then I'm an innocent man!"
