21 Hilarious In Newspaper Puns

I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......

......... The Times are really Rough!!!

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👤︎ u/ball5deeper

📅︎ Dec 16 2020

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I just read in the newspaper: "Painting stolen from art museum found by a set of dustbins."

Those dustbins must be very intelligent.

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi

📅︎ Jul 17 2020

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Puns in newspapers

Hi everybody! I absolutely need to find some puns featured in the headlines of the English newspapers. It would be nice if they referred to current topics such as Boris Johnson or Harry and Meghan. Could anyone help me? I'd appreciate that.

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👤︎ u/Padman96

📅︎ Apr 02 2020

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My uncle worked for a newspaper's crossword puzzle team, but only contributed one awesome clue in his career...

He was a one-hint wonder!

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline

📅︎ May 16 2020

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I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.

He was behind The Times.

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👤︎ u/JiminyKirket

📅︎ Mar 09 2020

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Found this in a recent newspaper

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👤︎ u/1AsianPanda

📅︎ May 05 2019

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I saw an ad in the newspaper for burial plots

Then I thought to myself "This is the last thing I need."

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👤︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey

📅︎ Sep 08 2019

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I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.

This is no laughing matter.

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👤︎ u/Sirdroftardis8

📅︎ Aug 08 2019

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For two days in a row, I slipped on the frozen newspaper in front of my doorstep on my way out to work.

I seem to have fallen on hard Times.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Nov 18 2018

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I was standing outside in my driveway last night and the newspaper delivery guy drove by and threw a newspaper in my driveway...

I said "Hey pal, I got news for you, too!".

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👤︎ u/chuckyocouch_

📅︎ Jun 06 2019

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The fish & chip shop I go to still wraps up their meals in newspaper

Yesterday I got a plaice in The Sun.

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👤︎ u/Clbull

📅︎ Feb 26 2019

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The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.

The freedom of press is no more.

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👤︎ u/sodomicity

📅︎ Dec 30 2018

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I saw a naked man in the park today punching a newspaper...

I'm sure he'll be hitting the headlines soon.

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👤︎ u/BeardFM

📅︎ Apr 22 2017

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A man entered a pun contest in the newspaper

He placed 10 of his best puns hoping at least one would win. Unfortunately no pun in ten did.

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👤︎ u/TheJawsDog

📅︎ Aug 05 2017

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Just saw an advert in the local newspaper

ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! £35,000 - £40,000

So I rang them and said, "The answer is -£5,000"

Wonder if I'll get the job

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👤︎ u/keepthefaith62

📅︎ May 06 2017

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Saw this in my local newspaper last week. One of the best puns I have seen.

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👤︎ u/romanista8

📅︎ Nov 07 2013

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Found in my school newspaper from 1929.

http://imgur.com/a/pN1x8

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👤︎ u/mariofan366

📅︎ Apr 25 2017

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My university advertised in the newspaper for a new assistant professor. We were confused when the paper called and said that...

...we got our ad junked.

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👤︎ u/Denda

📅︎ Jun 27 2011

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Just read a terrifying story in the newspaper

It said a guy killed some people in a grocery store the other day, and only did it for a dollar:

Arti chokes 3 for $1

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👤︎ u/leroy_rondo

📅︎ Apr 30 2016

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There was an article in the newspaper today about a midget psychic that broke out of prison.

The title was "Short Medium at Large"

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👤︎ u/thisismeredditing

📅︎ Oct 02 2014

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Regarding today's Sun newspaper in the UK

Mum: Did you see the Sun today? It was all yellow! Girlfriend: The sun is always yellow. Cue laughter.

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👤︎ u/uberjason7

📅︎ May 02 2014

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