I've been trying to launch my business importing Soviet neckwear but in this political climate its impossible.
No one wants anything to do with my Russian ties.
Australians are importing kitchen worktops from the UK...
....they call them pommigranites.
If we start importing sugar from Cuba. How many sugar Cubas do I need for my tea?
My wife and I had this weird argument as to which vowel is the most important.
If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, let’s be honest.
You’re just getting a head of yourself.
The word "liner" is so important
that it's under "lined" in the dictionary.
The most important question before choosing your future wife ...
Forgiveness is the most important part of a well balanced breakfast.
There was a debate suggesting the environment isn’t that important after all.
It was pretty anti-climatic
What do you call a tax on imported cow manure?
When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing
But it's what's inside that counts
I never knew making socially awkward comments was such an important part of playing golf...
But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type
As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.
What’s the most important part of a joke timing?
What do you call an important message to the staff of a building materials company?
Character spacing is important, for example: ...
...writing: "I have a music album". 🎶
...versus: "I have a musical bum". 🎺
Did you know: in boxing, it’s extremely important to have perfect form when going against a new fighter...
because the fist impression is everything.
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
I think it’s so important to keep speeches short and meaningful, I just stand up and say plethora
In these dark times, it’s important we all continue to make puns.
You know, to make light of the situation the worlds in right now.
Gravity is a very important part of our existence. What happens when you remove it?
It's important to lose closely at lawn signs during election campaigns....
Last time I cast my vote for a real estate agent.
I would like a set of containers for my kitchen. I would like to store my baking soda, borax, milk of magnesia, drain cleaner, and ammonia. Most importantly, they need to have very secure lids.
I like to keep all my bases covered.
These are very important lab-reports
I use Ironman sounds in my phones event calander for important stuff.
Whats the most important thing to be when living in Asgard with a corrupt police force?
Natural numbers fail to understand the importance of decimal numbers.
They always miss the point.
I’d like to highlight the important part of my argument
But that’s not important right now
Dad jokes are important
They are a big part of pop culture
What do you call an imported clown car?
Dad told me the three most important unwritten rules in life.
I can understand why the invention of the wheel is looked upon as one of the most important achievements of mankind
It was a very pivotal moment
I'm leaving r/dadjokes...
Hi, leaving r/dadjokes, I'm dad.
If you tend sheep then you are a shepherd. If you tend cow then you are.....
The most important Dad at the annual neighborhood end of Summer barbeque bash!
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather
I work at a store that sells imported prosthetic limbs.
I never though I'd grow up to be an international arms dealer.
Fire is important, but...
I have finally made it
I have two kids, a three year old daughter and a one year old son. Today as we were driving home, my daughter said for the first time “dad I’m hungry” and I felt the power course through my veins knowing I was about to reach the pinnacle of existence. I delivered the revered line and my wife just looked at me and I knew I had achieved everything in life.
Important information
Aruba - Cherry Pie $3.45
Bahamas - Apple Pie $2.75
Jamaica - Key Lime Pie $3.34
Saint Croix - Lemon Pie $4.21
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Important
Can you guys put dad jokes in the comments I need material for my friends to make them not like me alot more (I'm basically the dad in our group of friends, mostly the mom)
Its important to keep some candy in your pocket at all times.
Do you know why it's important to keep someone in a state of suspense?
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I'll take my leave
My wife and I had this huge argument as to which vowel is the most important.
My brother and I had an argument as to which is the most important vowel.
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