π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 18 2016
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
......and the second one Duplikate.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
MY GIRLFRIENDS DOG DIED SO I GOT HER AN IDENTICAL ONE
SHE WAS LIVID AND SCREAMED WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH TWO DEAD DOGS !
Current status.. single
π︎ 48
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
π︎ 243
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
Newbourne Identity.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
What do you call identical twins that join the police force?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
Cement truck driver stole my identity and nobody would believe me
But then I found some concrete evidence
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Feb 09 2021
What do you call two octopuses that look the same?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
How does a non-binary person kill someone?
π︎ 96
π
︎ Mar 22 2021
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog shit on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one:
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
If Spiderman's secret identity is Peter Parker, what's his dog's secret identity?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
They just found a planet practically identical to earth, but it has two suns.
Itβs a constant sun set.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Remember Spider Pig from the Simpsons movie? I figured out his secret identity!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
π︎ 107
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
I think I have found the identity of "The Man". It's gravity.
It's always trying to keep me down.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
Police chief: "Why did you arrest Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer, B. J. Novak, and Ed Helms?"
Deputy: "They were impersonating an office, sir."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
Mickey Mouse arrested for identity theft
He was charged with being Goofy
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 20 2020
I sat next to a guy that looked identical to me.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Aug 24 2020
The true identity of the mummy was...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
What do you call two boobs that are identical?
π︎ 973
π
︎ Dec 26 2019
Did you hear about the Italian who committed identity theft?
Police say he was an impasta
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
My kids were watching a show about identical twins re-united after being separated at birth, and in disbelief that they were wearing matching outfits when they met up.
I said, well, they do have the same genes.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
If you are taking a calculus exam, donβt sit between two identical twins.
Itβs very difficult to differentiate between them.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
Hi, Iβm an identity thief
My pronouns are you/yours
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 23 2020
It's been a lifelong dream of mine to live in a house with my own clone. But the science has just come out that most people would hate dealing with someone identical to them.
I just don't think I can live with myself after hearing that.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
I repetitively hit my identical twin.
So I asked him, "why are you hitting yourself?"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
Sectional identity
π︎ 65
π
︎ Mar 05 2020
My wife just gave birth to a set of identical twins. She named the first one Pete.
I named the second one Repeat.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Apr 29 2019
LPT: When you are telling a joke to identical twins, make sure you say the entire joke.
Because it isnβt easy to tell them a part.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Mar 15 2019
I didn't mean to take too much of my anxiety medication
π︎ 19
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
I kept cutting my sausage into smaller and smaller identical pieces.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
My best friend couldnβt come out to the pub with me tonight so his identical twin came instead.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 08 2020
Can't argue with that!
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Apr 29 2020
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
....and the second one Duplikate.
π︎ 475
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mum only carries one photo......
...... because if youβve seen Juan youβve seen Amal
π︎ 339
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
........and the second one DupliKate.
π︎ 78
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
What's the name of Kate's identical twin?
π︎ 122
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
My girlfriends dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one
She was mad, βWhat am I going to do with 2 dead dogs??β
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 13 2020
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
From my daughter (so proud)
When I was young I was told I could be anyone I wanted. Turns out identity theft is a crime.
π︎ 365
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
When taking a calculus exam, make sure you donβt sit between identical twins.
Because itβs hard to differentiate between them.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 27 2018
When I was a kid my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted
Turns out identity theft is a crime
π︎ 17
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
I failed my calculus exam because I was seated in between two identical twins.
I couldnβt differentiate between them.
π︎ 67
π
︎ Oct 06 2019
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