Cos he couldn't hava-lanche
I am Hungary for some Turkey
It's not well known that among the species of plants taken aboard Noah's Ark was a very odd berry. This berry had a special property where if you ate too few at once they would be sour, but if you ate too many at once they would be bitter. Even stranger was that the right number of berries to eat at once for perfect sweetness was different for each person.
Shem would never take enough berries and would complain every time "Ugh! These berries are so sour! Why did we bring these plants?" Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat a couple more in a mouthful to make them sweet."
Ham would always take too many berries and would complain every time "Ick! These berries are so bitter! I'd like to toss the plants overboard." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat fewer in a mouthful to make them sweet."
Japeth would grab a random amount and whenever they were bitter or sour he'd complain "Why do these berries never taste the same? We should let the animals eat the plants so we don't have to eat the silly berries." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you should remember how many berries taste the best."
After a couple of weeks of this, Noah announced "I'm taking charge of portioning the berries. I've made notes of how many of them taste the best for me, my wife, all of you my sons, and your wives. At meals I'll give each of you the correct amount, and NO MORE COMPLAINTS!"
Another week passed and Japeth wanted some berries to take the edge off his hunger, but rather than wander all over the whole ark looking for his father he asked Emzara "Where's dad? I'd like some berries before lunch."
Emzara pointed to the storeroom and said "I thought you were tired of the berries? But there's Noah, counting for taste."
Dad: Someone should immediately turn that kid around.
Yesterday, I purchased 2 sandwiches because I was very hungry - a chicken salad sandwich and an egg salad sandwich. My dilemma was I had no idea which one I should eat first.
Dad: Why isn’t anybody turning the 5th kid around?
The village elders looked at him and asked, "Didn't you just start your own religion? Ask your followers instead!"
He said, "No problem, I'll be back tomorrow."
The next day he showed up and asked for some bread.
The village elders looked at him and asked, "Doesn't your religion disavow physical needs? Transcend your hunger instead."
He said, "No problem, I'll be back tomorrow."
The next day he showed up and asked for some meat.
The village elders looked at him and asked "Doesn't your religion espouse vegetarianism? You should be asking for bread and vegetables instead."
He said, "I already did, but no problem..."
Finally, the elders called the village guards to get rid of that Hungry Buddha Pest.
Appetite-y.
People would routinely bring him bread in an attempt to get him to eat. What people don't understand though is that Gandhi was actually a very temperamental man, and prone to anger. So even when his friends and family were the ones bringing him bread, he would take it and hurl it at them, sometimes leaving bruises and welts. He justified it by saying it was all a part of his philosophy of naan-violence.
“Maybe it will but it doesn’t help with my hunger”
I am going to make sure there is always food available.
Me: I'm hungry. When's the pizza going to get here? Dad: Probably when the pizza guy does.
Battle Royale with cheese
Last night, my family came to pick me up from work after the kids' swim lessons. They were tired, hungry, grumpy, hungry, and hungry on the drive home.
My 6 year old: "Ugh... I'm going to die..."
Me: "You're right; we're all going to die. What are you going to die of?"
6yo: "Hunger and your jokes."
Me: "Well, I hope my jokes get you first. That sounds like a better way to go."
You heard it here first, folks. Dad jokes can potentially kill faster than starvation. Wield them carefully.
"Did Jay get mad?"
"What dad?"
"Most people don't like being mocked so I wonder if Jay got mad."
Dad: How hot is Katniss? Me: Yeah she's beautiful. Dad: I hear she's...catching fire.
Let the hunger games begin
Me: “I’m not very hungry. I just want something easy.”
Server: “...Maybe the chicken strips for $6?”
Me: “Maybe it does, but that doesn’t help me with my hunger.”
Random Dad across the restaurant: “GOOD ONE!”
Credit to @TravisTeeh on Twitter
Elizabethan Child: Father, I have not yet broken fast and am filled with pangs of hunger.
Elizabethan Father: Hail, Filled With Pangs Of Hunger! Mine own name is Wybert.
Discussing The Hunger Games, our teenage daughter asked, "Wasn't Katniss named after a root?" My ribald reply: "All babies get named after a root."
Ya know that mouthwatering hunger you get when you smell the meat cooking on the BBQ. I wonder if vegetarians get the same feeling when they mow the lawn.
My brother after suggesting we go to watch The Hunger Games: we might as well go for dinner tonight.
We were watching the newest Hunger Games movie a couple of weekends ago. Throughout the film she was (very quietly) whispering interesting things that were in the books but not the film.
Mild Spoilers
There is a certain part where a character goes back for a cat.
End Mild Spoilers
She leans over and I think she was going to tell me another interesting things about the scene. She whispered a little louder than the other times, "You've gotta be kitten me right meow!"
You could hear the slight chuckle from the people in front of us and I had to stifle my laughter. I probably shouldn't find it that funny, but I love good timing and a corny joke.
Friend: im never going to say I am hang ray again instead I'll say I'm in a state of hunger.
Me: I didn't know hunger was a state!
So if Lego decided to make a Hunger Games set, would Katniss be considered a...
Lego Lass?
Dad: Someone should turn that 5th kid around.
Dad: Why isn’t somebody turning that kid around?
Me: maybe it does, but that doesn't help with my hunger.
