On the day my friends were hosting my birthday celebration, I had diarrhea.
Joe Rogan hosting a presidential debate
I'm hosting a seminar for men who struggle with ejaculation...
If you can't come let me know
I've been hosting a quiz...
...and we have players from all over the world.
Last night, the team from Madrid cleaned up, they got 100%. Everyone was completely shocked.
Nobody expected the Spanish in our Quiz Session.
It's that time of year that my wife's family divides up holiday hosting duties.
Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner are already spoken for, but Thanksgiving hasn't been discussed yet. Thanksgiving is usually at my father-in-law's, but my stepmother-in-law has previously hinted that she might not want to host anymore.
Wife: "I talked to [stepmother-in-law] today, and she didn't say 'boo' about Thanksgiving."
Me: "Did she say 'gobble gobble'?"
The World Health Organization is hosting a new event to show their thoughtfulness and concern for human health
The event will be affectionately named WHO Cares
I was thinking about hosting a comedy night at a pizza place, but then I realized it would be way to cheesy.
I'm hosting a charity night for people who have trouble reaching orgasm.
If you can't come please let me know.
If America did have a purge night, there would absolutely be twitch streamers hosting a "Let's Slay"
Explanation:taking on the topic of Lets Play.
Thought this would be better on Shower thoughts but I was pointed here because of the word play aspect.
The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.
They're calling it Allahpalooza some of the headliners include, The Suicide Girls, Bombye West, and The Big Bang Theory.
How do you host a space party?
Did you hear about that farmer that hosted a party?
It would be impossible to host a professional hide n seek tournament
Since good players are hard to find
I was watching an Australian show and the audience applauded when the host made a lemon meringue.
I was confused because I thought Australians usually boo meringue.
Warning: when you host a lobster race, all shell can break loose
I was all ready to host a limbo contest, but then I found out that someone stole my special limbo bar.
I mean, how low can you go?
They’re demoting me from food server to host starting Monday.
A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...
...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.
Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.
A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.
With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, “Thank you.”
As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...
“Thank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”
I asked my friend if he would rather be hit in the genitals really hard, driven over a cliff and smacked in the face by a lesbian OR watch his favourite late night host. “That’s easy”, he replied...
Why couldn’t they serve communion wafers at the wedding reception?
Two people are at someone's funeral
The host asks the guest,
"Would you like to say a word?"
The guest than goes up than says,
"Bargain"
The host starts crying and says,
"That means a great deal."
Gesundheit
Guest: No thanks, I’m allergic to nuts.
Host: Which ones?
Guest: cah... cah... CA-SHEWS!!!
Patrick Roy, perhaps the best goaltender of all time, was having a family reunion.
Being a wealthy celebrity, he'd volunteered to hold the proceedings at his home. The spread was excellent and Pat's father drew him aside as things were winding down.
"I have a feeling your team is going to do great this year!"
"Why's that Dad?"
"I feel like God can't help but root for a man who's a father, a son and a goalie-host."
I didn't think I'd like being the host of a parasite...
But it's really grown on me.
I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
Why did the parasite infect the person who had many health problems?
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
Here's the latest episode of a competitive pun gameshow that I host, 'Punnit'. Where 3 contestants deliver their best pre-written pun to categories such as Board Games & Kitchen Utensils, Pokemon & Takeaway Dishes + more.
youtube.com/watch?v=sjQg5…
So I went to a costume party dressed as a harp.
The host says, “What are you dressed as?”
I tell him, “I’m a harp.”
He says, “But your costume is to small to be a harp.”
I was incredibly offended, and tell him, “Are you calling me a lyre?!”
At dinner yesterday, the host asked if we were hungry
I said no we are American
What's the name of the space bounty hunter who used to host Deal or No Deal?
The mayor of Cowville hosted a citywide celebration of their milk. At the opening ceremony the mayor stood proudly above a pool of milk to show the exceptional quality. Unfortunately as he left the stage he fell into the pool of milk. The townsmen quickly rescued him and asked if he was okay:
"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".
A podcast hosted by NASA employees
Who's the cleanest radio host?
Just started listening to a podcast hosted by two chemical engineers.
Most of what they say goes over my head, but they gave great chemistry.
One of the hosts of the View invited me to her home and we sat in her den. She then offered a pillow...
Hosted a gender reveal for my pal, it was a cookout after a couple hours they asked when are you going to tell us the gender?
What do you mean? It’s a grill.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta
Why is the letter G scary?
It turns a Host into a Ghost
What does the radio host say to their guitar every night?
Qatar has been announced as the hosts for the Olympics 581 years from now.
It’ll be known as the Qatari 2600
TIL the host of Dirty Jobs is now a college proffesor who teaches students about money management and how spending affects the world around them.
The course is called Mike Rowe Economics.
Company came over and we had nothing in the house, so my wife wanted to put out my gourmet cheeses. I refused but she said I had to be a good host
Im hosting a charity night for people who cant reach orgasm.
If you cant come let me know
Costume party (from r/me_irl)
Host: what are you?
Me: I'm a harp.
Host: Your costumes too small to be a harp.
Me: are you calling me a lyre!?
After my son’s team won the tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us to a party afterwards.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
After my son’s team won the soccer game, the goalkeeper invited us to his house for a party.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
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