Helium walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."

Helium just didn't react.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Hydrogen: Helium, how do I become like you?

Helium: Be noble.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zuwiboiii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Of course He is risen

Helium ~is~ lighter than air

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Have you heard about how the world is apparently running out of helium?

Lies.

All lies, just fed to us by the big ballon and helium companies to inflate their prices.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaiken_m
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How come Michael Jackson sings so high?

He used HeHelium

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Idsmyself
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Cold never bothered me anyway...

It was my son's birthday, and we were doing a Thomas the Tank Engine theme. Went to the party supplies shop, and one of the things we got for the party was a helium balloon with Thomas on it. Gave it to him, told him to hold on to it, otherwise it would float up into the sky, all the way to the moon as Peppa Pig phrases it.

Anyway, I'm looking around and I notice something weird... there are Transformers helium balloons, Peppa Pig helium balloons, Barbie helium balloons, Thomas of course, various superheroes... but I notice the complete absence of Elsa and Anna on these balloons. But Frozen must be the most popular theme ever for girl's birthday parties, I would have thought. So why no Frozen helium balloons?

I asked at the counter, and they told me that they used to have them, but they got too many complaints. Apparently every time a parent gave the balloon to a kid, she'd just let it go...

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cman_yall
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to create a superhero

I wanted to create a superhero whose power was to convert all of his body's gases into helium, which would help him float, but then I realized He Man already exists.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stark_gauntlet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What molecule is like Michael Jackson?

Diatomic helium

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethan_Roberts123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the only element on the periodic table that has a gender?

Helium.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hqwdean
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I earned a solid groan today

I was doing a maternity shoot for a nice family expecting their second. The dad is a pharmacist. I told him that I was never very good at chemistry, but one time I read a book about helium and I could NOT put it down.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cellocat007
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
A helium molecule walks in afterwards. The bellhop asks if he needs any help.

Helium doesn't react.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you get new elements to grow?

How do you get new elements to grow?
You Sodium

What continent do elements come from?
They're Europium

What do you do with sick elements?
You Helium and Curium.

What do you do with elements after they die?
You Berium.

Credit: Random Dad on Facebook.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Path2Reborn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: 18 people suffocated after a leak at the helium refinery

Breaking news: 18 people suffocated after a leak at the helium refinery. It's not all bad news though. They all went out on a high note.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stuborg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Ugh... My dad got me... helium joke.

My Dad: Where did you get the balloons?

Me: Grocery store unfortunately - the Dollar Store doesn't sell helium balloons anymore cause the price of helium keeps going up.

My Dad: Isn't that what it's supposed to do?

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoyGreen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Following the two isotopes of helium joke..

You: What did the scientist say when he discovered tow isotopes of Helium? Your friend: what?

You: HeHe.

Friend : oh that's funny.

You: yeah, I know. It was a noble joke.

Friend: ugh. groans

You: actually, I expected no reaction at all.

Friend: ...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lala7070
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Chemistry father joke

A particle of helium walks into a lobby of a hotel. The staff asks it: 'Sir, how can we help you' It didn't react.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/konpopoz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you do when balloons are hurt?

You helium.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You know why inhaling helium will make a man sound like a woman?

Because helium is a no-ball gas.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenhamef
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
i'm so sorry

Q: what did the scientist say when they found 2 isotopes of helium?

A: HeHe

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Enslaved_M0isture
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the chemist who died?

Not even the best doctors could Helium.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xakik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you do with a chemist with Corona virus?

If you can't Curium or Helium you must Barium.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cankles_of_Fury
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you cant helium Or curium You'll have to barium

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BiscuitaBoyo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you do with a poorly chemist?

Well, if you can't curium or helium, you have to barium

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anassis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What To Do With A Sick Chemist

If you can't Helium, and you can't Curium, you might as well Barium.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeadNic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can't Helium, and you can't Curium, Barium.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/finestjuggler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My employee asked me what does it take to be a star performer..

Me: Mostly Hydrogen and Helium

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phs_uw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Helium walks into a bar, The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases in here."

Helium doesn't react!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Raven_007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A helium atom walks into a bar

The bartender says "we don't serve nobles here" The helium atom does not react

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SupahBero
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
🚨︎ report
What is a balloon’s favorite drug?

Helium, because it gets them high.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WebWheat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Which is the funniest element

Helium

He He He

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ten3roberts
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
So helium walks into a bar...

The bartender says "Sorry, but we don't serve noble gases here."

Helium had no reaction.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marshallu2018
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2015
🚨︎ report
My actual Dad just posted this on facebook

I thought about making a joke about Helium being a noble gas, but the last time I did there was no reaction.

HeHe

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jermzh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
🚨︎ report
A helium molecule walks into a bar

The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve noble gases in here!"

Helium doesn't react.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NUCLEAR_WALRUS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2013
🚨︎ report
The helium truck

My dad and I were in the car the other day and we passed a truck that said it contained compressed helium. My dad looked at me and said "I bet they had to weigh that truck down so it doesn't float away"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostofMiyabi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
🚨︎ report

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