Valo-Rant.
Roxanne is a really good song.
"I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine!"
I told her that’s ridiculous, I love your mother-in-law!
They don't want any treble.
A Blas-Femur
Because Josh b rolin.
It read, "If you're six feet under, don't bother messaging me."
We were at the table having breakfast this morning when my 6yo son climbed down and started leaving the kitchen.
6yo: "I'm going to the bathroom."
Me: "Oh no, please hold it until you make it to the toilet."
6yo laughs
Me: "HAHA! YOU LAUGHED AT A DAD JOKE!!"
6yo grumbles from the bathroom
I just think there offal
I pun-ish him
Let’s just make them dissapear oh wait they hate puns never mind
I told them, "Really though, I; Jenn, Hugh, Juan, Lee, hate puns.
He made a pun in the shower, we giggled, and I noted how he's gone from hating puns to making his own. I called him my "young Padawan" and he responded, "You mean, Pun-awan?" It was seemless. I lost my shit. Just wanted to share with you guys :)
all of my friends hate puns to the core, but i love them so so much and i like to annoy them with the really really bad ones, so give me your best reddit and make me proud :D
Wife: Why do I feel so old?
Me: You're not that old. Why do you feel so old?
Wife: It's mainly my feet, they hurt.
Me: Well, you know why that is right?
Wife: Why?
Me: You must have "old soles"
Cue groaning, eye rolling, and her typical exclaimation that she hates puns.
This story happened, just shortly after my daughter was born, at work.
I had a coworker who hated puns. I had made a particular bad one, I completely forget what it was. Just an on the fly thing.
Suddenly my coworker stands up and the following exchange happens:
Him (loudly proclaiming): Puns are awful. They're terrible. Puns are the lowest form of comedy. Only the most infantile people laugh at puns. We need to have a pun jar... like a swear jar, but instead of swearing we put a quarter in it every time someone makes a pun.
Me: (after a short silence) That sounds like a GREAT idea.
Him (confused): No, it's like a swear jar but you put money into it when you swear.
Me: Yeah I understand that
Him: You'd be the hardest hit with that.
Me: Yeah, I understand that. Nevertheless it has my wholehearted support.
Him: (Now very VERY confused) Why would you support something that would hurt you more than anyone else?
Me: Because... we could totally call it the PUNishment jar.
There were three people who clearly heard this exchange. Each one busted out laughing so hard... one of them was pounding his fist into his desk. The look on this poor guy's face: priceless.
Basically we somehow got on the topic of hipsters and irony. My Dad wanted to make a sort of pun to annoy my sister, because she hates puns.
Now I figure most people would make some sort of reference to an iron "e", and that would be it. But oh no, that's far too simple for him. He says something along the lines of,
"If they're ironic (or defined by irony), doesn't that make them Pharisees?"
So you've got to know that "Ferrous" refers to iron, and then to have some basic knowledge of the New Testament or at least have heard of the Pharisees before. This kind of works on another level because the Pharisees were accused of saying one thing and doing another, which could be said to be ironic to some degree. Of course I've just killed the frog at this point, but I mean if you're ever around some Chemists who have some knowledge of the bible, you might get a slight chuckle, or perhaps even a nod. I'm not really even sure if this qualifies as a Dad joke, but there ya go.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
They're so full of themselves!
They discussed me.
They keep hitting bogeys.
My doctor says I may have BTSD.
"but then it grew on me."
Unless my friends like it, then I guess it's cool
It’s growing on me.
Because dawn is tough on Greece.
Because of the copper in the wires.
I've done that, but what do I do with the letter.
She needs to lighten up.
“This takes me back.”
Let that sink in.
He has too many ho ho hos
... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.
The one who shouts "Give me a B"
I will stop at nothing to avoid going into negative numbers.
I can't really see what's so funny about it.
I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
I said, I don't hate your relatives, in fact, I like your mother in law a lot more than I like mine
I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
I replied, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot more than I like mine.”
I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
But then it grew on me.
