Harmlessly Puns

B9

Found out its a nerfed gun

They're both completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

After I thanked him, he said to me: "Don't vorry, just dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine"

I asked him, "Are you a vet?"

He answered, "Am I vet? I'm soaking"

My wife said yes. I said we're happy with the kids we have, thank you. I then realized I could FEEL the desire to harmlessly embarrass my children in front of other people. It's happening!

The main character indulges in “dad jokes,” such as:

What do a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

They both are completely harmless, until you light one on fire and stick it in your mouth.

There’s plenty where that came from.

They're both perfectly harmless until you light one on fire and put it in your mouth

It's a slippery slope

Don't worry though, they're harmless without any matches

5 out of 6 people find Russian roulette harmless.

There's this crackhead in my neighborhood who is so skinny, everyone calls him "Ribs." Overall he's pretty harmless, but one day we were sitting in the front yard with our toddler in the playpen and he wanted to make the case that we should hire him to babysit. He picked up my son and started making his pitch. Most people would probably freak out as this point, but I just calmly looked at him and said politely, "I want my baby back, Ribs."

I work as a bartender at a classy cheese and wine bar in the DC area. Last night after some harmless flirting with some middle aged ladies, one exclaimed, "Sauvignon Blanc! That's my white jam!"

I replied, "Ma'am that's actually a wine, not a jam."

I took my two kids (4 and 6) to the new aquarium in our city. They have a petting tank with harmless bamboo sharks. I reach in to the tank. 4 year old: "Is it dangerous?" Me: "Yep" and get a good look of slight fear from him. I then pull my hand out with my ring finger bent over and show it to him. He responds with a look of abject horror. 6 year old: "Stop messing with us!" Unfold my finger and show them. My 4 year old was not amused.

They are both harmless until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

They're harmless until you put one in your mouth and light in on fire

They are perfectly harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.