Police recently caught a guy who broke into a pharmacy and ate all the bottles of Viagra pills..

He is now facing 20 years of hard time in prison..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dependent-Ad-7608
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2022
🚨︎ report
Viagra Shipment Stolen from the Local Pharmacy

Police are looking for a pair of hardened criminals.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2022
🚨︎ report
why do basketball players not take vacations?

They aren't allowed to travel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thebadmamajama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2022
🚨︎ report
A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
🚨︎ report
What do we call a cow with a katana?

A samoorai

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LC_Design
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2022
🚨︎ report
A guy came into the store today and wanted a powdery substance that hardens when adding to water...

That's it... he gave no concrete details.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you know diarrhea is hereditary?

It runs in the jeans

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πŸ“…︎ May 27 2022
🚨︎ report
I once got my toe nails professionally trimmed. They used a hardened steel tool for smoothing my clipped nails...

In other words, a pedi-file.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: 2 thieves broke into the local pharmacy and stole a shipment of viagra

Police are on the lookout for 2 hardened criminals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninjap0_0pface
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2022
🚨︎ report
Law enforcement officials recently reported the hijacking of a truck carrying Viagra. Authorities are looking for the culprits.

They suspect the hijackers are a gang of hardened criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/luckprecludes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Prison van and a cement truck got in an accident on the highway today.

Police issue statement: be on the lookout for hardened criminals.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
🚨︎ report
Someone broke into the hardware store and stole all hardened steel tools cutting ridges for forming or smoothing surfaces...

All the files were deleted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a smuggler frozen in carbonite?

A hardened criminal

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mommypanda35
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2022
🚨︎ report
Oh Man! I just heard the local pharmacy was just robbed!

The two thieves stole their entire supply of Viagra. Police are on the lookout for two hardened criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimbo1975
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Two masked men robbed a pharmacy for Viagra; you know what the APB said?

Lookout for a couple of hardened criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ne1tche-son
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
🚨︎ report
Bolt or Fastener related Christmas/Holiday puns?

So I work at a company that manufactures steel bolts, nuts, washers, anchor/bent bolts, rebar, chains etc. and I'm trying to come up with a t-shirt design for the holiday season. I have the visuals that I want down (a snowflake made out of nuts) but because it's going to be a more fun design ths I've been trying to think of a little pun that I could put across the back, and I'm coming up short.

If it helps we do a lot of forging, pointing, threading, cutting and shipping. We work with steel (and hardened steel) 90% of the time. My workplace is pretty casual so don't feel the need to keep it PG.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHOP_007
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2021
🚨︎ report
My brother got arrested stealing concrete mix during a storm.

Now he’s a hardened criminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2021
🚨︎ report
This just in: 2 Robbers broke into a drugstore and have stolen all of the Viagra

Authorities are looking for 2 hardened criminals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A woman finds a lamp and of course it contains a genie... ... which offers to give her only one wish as he is very much tired from his 10.000 years of imprisonment.

,,I want a million dollars!'' she screams excited.

The Genie nods. ,,It shall be as you wi-''

,,No!'' interrupts the woman. ,,Such a wish is selfish and petty. No, what I want is for wars to end.'' She drags forth a handy map of the world. ,,See these countries? They are scarred with ancient bloodfeuds. You should show them peace. Yes, that's my wish.''

,,B-but ma'm, that's impossible! Their hearts are so hardened, and I would have to prevent droughts and hunger and disarm all threats...-'' pleas the genie desperately.

,,Very well, since you're so tired, I guess I'll settle for something else. Now... I've been without a man for so long, and my last husband was nothing short of a rat, so I'd like a man. A man that... does the laundry and the dishes and vaccuums the house. He must be gentle in manners but wild and talented in bed, and of course sexy and handsome. He must love me more than anything else in this world and tell me so each day with a bouquet of flowers. But most of all he'll have to understand me. Yes, that's what I want, the perfect man.''

The genie sighs. ,,Just give me the fucking map.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YZXFILE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway...

Police advise citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
This just in: 2 robbers just hijacked a truck delivering a supply of viagra.

Everyone be on the lookout for 2 hardened criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the viagara truck hijacked in New York the other day?

The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pazuzusboss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Breaking news, plice van crashes into cement mixer

A police van carrying 12 convicts crashed into a cement mixer.

Police are now looking for a dozen hardened criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Viagra worth thousands of dollars was stolen from the pharmacy yesterday.

They are looking for hardened criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funchaloe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: An entire shipment of Viagra has been stolen.

The polices are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you ever hear of that penis superhero?

He hard on crime! He takes down all those hardened criminals! But he's soft and gentle with civilians.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnderFilms404
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the thieves that stole a whole truckload of Viagra?

The police are looking for hardened criminals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sweaterlegs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2015
🚨︎ report
Earlier today a prison transport collided with a cementtruck

The police is now on the look-out for five hardened criminals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper β€œHere comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mobsters arrested for peddling Viagra and Cialis?

(Showing me the paper today):

Did you hear about the mobsters arrested for peddling Viagra and Cialis?

It sounds like they were hardened criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greeneggsand
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad said he got me icecream...

He handed me this bowl of ice-cream and it ended up being hardened "Great Stuff" insulation foam covered in chocolate.

Typical Dad prank....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yetti35
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
🚨︎ report
I dad-joked in /r/bitchimabus

> johnmal85

> Is there a subreddit with pictures of stuff in lava or hardened like this?

> > memorizemee

>> I'd try r/lava, but its pretty much dead.

> > > confluencer

> > > So are you telling me that /r/lava has cooled down?

> > > > memorizemee

> > > > God damn it...

Sauce: http://np.reddit.com/r/bitchimabus/comments/2ctipf/bitch_i_have_been_consumed_by_molten_rock/cjiwrjy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confluencer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2014
🚨︎ report
What does a Mobster buried in cement soon become?

A hardened criminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSoPerfectDad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement?

A hardened criminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsureyoudo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2022
🚨︎ report
Thief crashed a cement truck into a tree.

Police arrested the hardened criminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Archie7373
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you pour cement on a burglar?

a hardened criminal.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2022
🚨︎ report
Someone stole a shipment of viagra...

The cops are looking for hardened criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krakhis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Large shipment of Viagra stolen from a distributor

Police are on the lookout for these hardened criminals

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevewezzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Viagra shipment stolen

Cops looking for a bunch of hardened criminals

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rotimi_babalola
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A shipment of Viagra has been stolen

Police looking for hardened criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eplow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A cement mixer crashed into a police van carrying 12 criminals

The police are now looked for a dozen hardened criminals

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A cement mixer collided with a prison bus today

Police have told locals to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J96x_Rob_LFC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
β€œBreaking News”

A shipment of viagra has been stolen; The police are now looking for a gang of β€˜hardened’ criminals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bubblechief19
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Been sharing it ever since

Dad: Have you heard about the concrete truck that hit the penitentiary up the road?

Me: No, I haven't.

Dad: 12 hardened criminals escaped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/suedestacks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
🚨︎ report

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