I'd rather be stoned than be hanged
The man had hanged himself...
so as knot to spend the rest of his life in jail.
Why are people never hanged in USA anymore?
Because all they got is fake noose
If somebody is hanged, why don't we say they were tie died?
Q: What did the criminal say as he was hanged?
A: "The suspense is killing me!"
What did the man who was hanged say right before he died?
"The suspense is killing me."
In other news, today a military arborist was tried and hanged...
...for committing treason.
My Dad on the difference between "hung" and "hanged"
Me: So we learned today that Louis Riel was hung
Dad: Really? Did you see him in the shower or something?
Hanging out with Leo must be fun
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
Pork factories keep calling me and I keep hanging up on them.
What do you call an Irish electrician hanging from your ceiling?
My friends asked me why I hang my grapes outside to dry
I told them, “I have my raisins.”
I saw a mountain with a lot of cows hanging out on it.
Must've been Mount Heiferest.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
Dad jokes are low hanging fruit and here's why
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
What do you call German children you don’t want your kids to hang out with?
What crime fighting duo hangs out at the noodle shop?
Have you ever seen sausages hanging up in a butchers shop?
I havent. I've only seen them hanging down.
Where does Santa hang his clothes?
Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the wife
$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio
A guy walks into a bar to find pieces of meat hanging above him…
He asks the barman about it and the barman explains, “If you can jump up and hit one, you’ll get a free drink, but if you miss, you have to buy everyone a round!”
The guy looks up and ponders for a minute then replies, “Nah, the steaks are too high.”
My wallet has been hanging by a thread for over a year
What did Captain Kirk say to Spock as he was hanging off a cliff?
Just Klingon, I’ll go get help!
What did one boob say to another ?
If we don’t get support, they’ll think we’re nuts
I got my grandma a new walking frame made by NASA and she's starting to get the hang of it...
It's one small step for Nan....
Today, while hanging Halloween lights, my 3 year old made his first pun:
Wow, that blue spider is so beautiful! It’s Blue-tiful!
I’m so proud.
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling
Guy:"Whats this about?"
Bartender:"Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyones drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?
Guy:"Nah, the steaks are too high."
Where do all the geeky robots like to hang out?
I was hanging out with my French friend
We were talking about his daughter Patience, who had contracted an illness and started glowing green. To tell me he sat me down, looked me in the eyes and said; "Patience is a vert hue,".
If you get a call from a canned meat company, hang up immediately...
Why isn't 1 allowed to hang out with 0 anymore?
Because 1's mom says 0 is naughty
Why do valley girls only hang out in odd numbers?
Had a race to see who could hang out our towels on the washing line quickest.
I used to know a mushroom named Gus who was a blast to hang out with. That changed the day his girlfriend left him.
She said she preferred 2 fun-guy over one fun-Gus.
Why do teenagers hang out in groups of 3, 5, or 7?
Because they just can't even.
I never should have let E hang out with D, C, AA and AAA.
What's a group of 5 or more denim-clad dads hanging out called?
Why do ghosts hang out at bars?
Why do teenage girls only hang around in groups of odd numbers?
Because OMG they can’t even.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
Thanks to whoever left some goodies hanging all through my morning walk today..
Cowboy: Who's that they're hanging?
Cowboy: Who's that they're hanging?
Barman: That there is the Brown Paper Kid.
Cowboy: Brown Paper Kid? Never heard of him. What did they get him for?
Barman: Rustling.
Why don't koalas hang out with other bears?
Because they don't meet the koala-ifications
What's similar between hang, hinge and hong
Where do astronauts hang out?
My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire
Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.
Me: Dude! Come with me to the storage! I organized all the philosophy theses into plastic boxes with hanging files!
Unimpressed Friend: So, Crates...
Guy walks into a bar and notices pieces of meat hanging from the cieling.
He asks the bartender about it and the bartender says that if someone can jump up and touch one of the pieces of meat on their first try then they will get free drinks there for life. However, if they try and can’t do it, they have to buy everyone’s drinks for the rest of the night. The bartender asks the guy if he’s willing to try it and the guy says “no, the steaks are too high”.
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