How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?

Asking for a friend

πŸ‘︎ 626
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends asked me why I hang my grapes outside to dry

I told them, β€œI have my raisins.”

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.

He was charged with attempted murder.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call German children you don’t want your kids to hang out with?

The wrong kraut

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chabmitdefarb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What crime fighting duo hangs out at the noodle shop?

Batman and Ramen

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ichimanben
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Where does Santa hang his clothes?

In the clause-it

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sanelyinsane40
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.

But she still won't admit she framed me.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the wife

$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sattoth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I got my grandma a new walking frame made by NASA and she's starting to get the hang of it...

It's one small step for Nan....

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do all the geeky robots like to hang out?

Decepti Con

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LicencetoKrill
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
If you get a call from a canned meat company, hang up immediately...

It's a Spam.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to know a mushroom named Gus who was a blast to hang out with. That changed the day his girlfriend left him.

She said she preferred 2 fun-guy over one fun-Gus.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Had a race to see who could hang out our towels on the washing line quickest.

It was level pegging.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReaperWright88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do valley girls only hang out in odd numbers?

They just can't even

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why isn't 1 allowed to hang out with 0 anymore?

Because 1's mom says 0 is naughty

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FR0D0_SWAGGINS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do teenagers hang out in groups of 3, 5, or 7?

Because they just can't even.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cryingstlfan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I never should have let E hang out with D, C, AA and AAA.

He came back a badder E.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?

It felt like a third wheel

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do ghosts hang out at bars?

Because they like boos

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What's similar between hang, hinge and hong

NotHing

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherKakkar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do teenage girls only hang around in groups of odd numbers?

Because OMG they can’t even.

πŸ‘︎ 498
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rob_Haggis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't koalas hang out with other bears?

Because they don't meet the koala-ifications

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/infinitywee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do astronauts hang out?
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/remoestmoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend challenged me to a hang gliding race, and he got angry after I beat him.

What a soar loser.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
You should not date an American woman if she hangs the flag of China in her bedroom

That is a big red flag.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atom644
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
So proud of my daughter! We’re watching the dog desperately trying to get the cat to play with her. Me: β€œDog can’t hang because she’s a dump truck and and the cat is a Ferrari. Daughter:

Don’t you mean a β€œFur-rari”?

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Epic_pale
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call birds that always hang out?

Crow-nies.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kai_T4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out

I'm down

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Torgor_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I love my local team so much I hang from the ceiling and spin around.

I'm a big fan.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was hanging 7 pictures in a row on the wall when I told her should should hang 3 over 4.

It’s created a real division in our home.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and hangs on your wall...

Art.

Two guys with no arms and no legs and hangs on your wall? Curt n Rod.

No arms and no legs in a bathtub? Dwayne.

No arms and no legs at your front door? Mat

No arms and no legs and playing in the leaves? Russell

At the city dump? Phil

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife won our house today as she wanted me to hang this piece eye level.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CowboyGunner
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What has a little penis and hangs down? A bat. What has a big penis and hangs up?

click

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZZEZ73
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do you hang your clothes to dry if it's raining in Ireland?

On an Γ‰ire

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Witherkay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did OJ Simpson and Tupac never hang out?

Thug love didn’t fit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Am_An_Engineer_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
so for Christmas I decided to hang a decoration that shows both my love for music and for our founding fathers

It’s a wreath of Franklin

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/metalsgt90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
In Australia they prank call old people and just say OK boomer and hang up. It’s getting so popular it has a name…

Boomer rang

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t koala bears hang around with all the other bears?

Because they don't meet the koala-fications.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eachard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a few crows that hang out near near my house and ...

I've been throwing out some popcorn and sometimes bread crumbs instead of composting it. They like it. And I like them. They'll CAW at me sometimes when I get in the car.

I've heard that Crows....when they like you...they'll leave little gifts for you on your door step. Shining things, like bits of foil, bottle caps, buttons...etc.

And while it's not explicitly stated...they do expect something in return.

It's Quid Pro Crow.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do farmers hang bells around the necks off their cows?

Because the horns doesnt work

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

πŸ‘︎ 157
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?

To prove that he was framed!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?

To prove that he was framed!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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