I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
x13 u/sugarmagandjohn
I recently received your mail, and it truly came as a surprise!! It arrived a bit damaged, but the post office had put it in a clear plastic bag, and nothing seemed amiss :) The mail is incredibly laborate, which means this is a post that will take quite a while to get through, so strap in!
The mail came in a brown parcel, which was complimented by very christmassy themed stickers, washi, stamps and coloured pens! You wrote my address with a green pen, as well as using a red pen in other places :) at the bottom you put a strip of washi tape showing a wintery pine forest with plenty of small red houses, and a snowman here and there :D in the bottom left was a sticker of a little kid wearing a bear hat, next to a snowglobe (which is huge compared to the kid haha) - in the bottom middle was a sticker of a Christmas tree (which is holographic!), and in the bottom right is a sticker of another kid, this time holding a star! Theres also a green circle shaped sticker with some patterns on it and "warm wishes" written on it :)
Above there again is a sticker of santa with his sack, but the sack was left blank so you could write on it, so you wished me some happy holidays!! Your address tag has a pretty winter scenery on it with a red car, and is adorned by holly, pine and red berries stickers, a strip of red washi (with like a plaid pattern) that has golden text written in a cursive font: "Christmas wishes", and a strip of washi at the bottom of leaves with red berries! And finally, the stamps :D theres three Christmas themed stamps that look rather vintage: one has a bird, specifically a partridge bird as there's red text on the side of it that references the song "the twelve days of Christmas" :) the second stamp has a Christmas tree on it and bold red letters that read "christmas" underneath it - the final stamp shows a couple riding a two horse sleigh: if you look up currier and ives you can see the artists works (and get the idea of what it looks like!) Also, can't forget the little "thank you posties!" Comment on the side haha!
The backside has your username written in a green pen, with red hearts flying around it (but between you and me, it is impossible to mistake your handwriting for anyone else's) The flap is sealed with a strip of green glittery washi, red glittery washi, a thin black strip with golden hearts and one thick washi strip that is brown and had various win
... keep reading on reddit ➡Hi,
I've been looking into guerilla gardening for some time now and finally want to execute a plan, I have decided I'm primarily gonna do flowers (and perhaps some native grasses?). Subsequently I have three goals for this post:
- Get a second opinion on my current plant choices .
- Get recommendations for online resources regarding native plants.
- Get all the advice I can from more experienced Guerillas.
OK, now that's out of the way, the current plants I'm considering are as follows:
- Prairie blazing star
- Purple cone flower
- Grey cone flower
- Black eyed Susan
- Joe pye weed (or little Joe depending on whatever I can get)
- Cup plant (unsure if it would get too big to stay discreet)
- Partridge pea (I am unsure if this thing would be too sensitive)
- Bee balm
- Spiderwort (Would this need to be kept away from taller plants that could choke it out?)
- Common milkweed
- Wild blue phlox
As mentioned I would appreciate a respectful input on what to add/remove from my current plant choices. If I get what I need and go through with my plan I'll keep you guys updated with images, but I digress. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to this post! It means a lot coming from a guy who is totally new to this kind of stuff :o)
Do your worst!
By Gieves, I haven't got the time, or the body shape, for Savile Row's tailormade malarkey
By Jeremy Clarkson (Sunday Times, Oct. 31)
Oh dear. Depressing news from the financial pages suggests that the gentleman's outfitter Gieves & Hawkes, which has been located at the business end of Savile Row in London for 17,000 years, is facing closure because of some deeply uninteresting bond-based events in China.
A few years ago the venerable old tailoring business was acquired by a Chinese outfit, which wanted to set up an international brand-based operation to take on LVMH — Louis Vuitton Moët Hennessy, the French champagne-andcognac people who make suitcases for footballers. Amazingly, this plan doesn't seem to have worked, so now, unless a buyer can be found, Gieves & Hawkes will be gone.
And who'd buy it? Because who, in this day and age, would want a tailormade suit?
Until recently, money bought you time. Time to sit in the garden every afternoon deciding whether your butler had used a silver or a steel knife to cut the cucumber in your sandwiches. Time to spend five days playing a single game of cricket. And time to travel to London, where you'd happily spend a day in an oak-panelled room while a shop assistant in tails and pinstriped trousers measured every single part of your body.
They would sometimes make you stand there, with your arm outstretched as though you were hailing a cab, to ensure that, even in that scenario, your jacket hung correctly. And they'd want to know on which side of your nut-sack your penis liked to lie, so that your trousers could be cut accordingly. It was all preposterous.
Today, of course, money no longer buys time. It buys things. And we want those things immediately. Which is why, on my trips to Gieves & Hawkes, I used to become so impatient that my teeth started to move about and my hair got hot.
It was great when you walked in and you were treated like a 19th-century admiral, and you knew you were in the shop used by Winston Churchill and the Duke of Wellington. But then they'd take out a vast book of cloth options and your mind would start to itch because they were all grey and they were all the same.
And then they'd show you another vast book so you could choose a style, and these were all the same too. And as you went past endless pictures of horrible-looking smooth men, all you could think was, "If I'd gone to the Levi's shop, I would be kitted out by now and in the Wolseley."
And that wa
... keep reading on reddit ➡I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
They were cooked in Greece.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Pilot on me!!
