Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have 4 stomachs to digest the grasses they consume...

It's graze anatomy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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We had a potato cannon once. We had some dumpster bread. We were shooting it full of grass, bread and leaves....

Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".

(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")

Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mavaction
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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From my 5-year-old son: "Hey"

True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."

I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"

He responds, "it's dead grass."

I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"

.

.

.

He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.

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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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People don’t think the grass be wet in the morning

But it Dew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/streety22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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He’ll be cutting your grass
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.

The steaks will be too high for sure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Negative_Integer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Laying on the grass...”two tired”...to move
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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What did the farmer yell to the shepherds who ran away after their flocks ate all his grass?

You cow herds!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Apparently, Neil deGrasse Tyson has a brother, who has a very successful grass-cutting business.

Yup. His name is Moe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/batnuna
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.

I told them they were being gracist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uhh-Whatever
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Can you explain why your neighbor’s yard is so messy and overgrown?

β€œWe’d never.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester57
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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I’m like a cow in tall grass,

I’m utterly tickled to be here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kentfanatic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"

The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whitethunder9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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The aliens returned with a butter force.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D0NW0N
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Baby grass snake says to her mum, am I a poisonous snake?

Mum says no baby.

The baby grass snake says, Thank god for that ive just bitten my toungue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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My cat just cut the grass.

She's a lawn meower.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hrunthir
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?

I guess we'll just have to make dew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aserthreto
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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What do you call a painter who loves running through the grass?

Jackson Frolic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/propervernacular
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Why is a field of grass always older than you?

Because it’s pasture age

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bhoke23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.

They're over dew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Why was it so easy to see the aircraft on the grass lands?

It was in plane sight!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died

but he has been lawn gone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?

Bamboozled!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiooiooi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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What is green and has wheels?

Grass I lied about the wheels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BKDarkMaze
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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Mfw I cant think of a title :0
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.

I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alarid
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Where do cows farts come from ?

From the dairy air.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Wasn’t in the mood to cut the grass.

I really need to get mowtivated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edward01986
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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A salutary lesson. Posted to r/jokes, probably more Dad-like

Certain related tribes in sub-Saharan Africa often raided each other's villages when most folk were herding animals. Sometimes they would take vegetables and water, but more often taking little things, to gently mock each other. It was all in good fun. After a successful raid, the "winning" tribe would celebrate by dancing under the stars, or in one of their large, grass-covered spirit houses.

One day, the Imaqi took their Satari shaman's sceptre. The following day, the Satari not only stole the sceptre back, but also the Imaqi chief's regalia.

It went back and forth, until, on a rare and daring escapade, three Imaqi warriors stole the Santari chief's throne. They put it on display, above their chief's throne in the spirit house.

The Imaqi thought that this was hilarious, and as it was beginning to rain, made merry and danced in the spirit house. Suddenly, the heavy throne on display fell down and killed a number of the dancing revelers.

The moral should be obvious: those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_jq
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Feel that grass. Do it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Google2022
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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Just rolling it out for ya
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedaiyen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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My girlfriend played golf with her friend. She lost the engagement ring I bought her in the tall grass by the fairway...

It was a diamond in the rough.

Credit (not quite the same): Frank and Ernest by Thaves for May 02, 2020

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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I recently encountered a grass snake.

He told me lots of bad things about grass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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You know what's bullsh*t?

Mostly grass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Binksamus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.

Please don’t make fun of my re-seeding hare line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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It is purple/red and makes a nibbling sound when you squat in the grass

Vegetarian hemorrhoids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meegja
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.

It's a lawnboa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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Why do cows eat grass?

I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scummynornor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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When I bought my first house, I planted emo grass.

It cuts itself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunchNuggz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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Roses are red. Violets are read. The grass is red.

My garden burns

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Berster6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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Last night I made a lamb curry......

But apparently they prefer grass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.

ha ha ha ha ha ha get it?!?!?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SillyStraw29
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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Some people think grass isn't wet in the morning.

But it dew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberSARL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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People don't think the grass be wet in the morning ...

But it dew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheShamrockRover
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?

Well, I guess we’ll just have to make dew!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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