I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
Thank you, next
I said βitβs all downhill from here!β
βThere was a schism in the chasm.β
Circuit Paul Dickhard
The chess-nut.
It was huge. People were lined up for blocks.
Let Me Think About It
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
... keep reading on reddit β‘I'll call it Little Seizures.
A thank you.....text.
The doctor is checking him out when he finds a roll of $100 bills stuffed up his ass. He pulls out the money and counts it.
βYouβre not gonna believe this, but I just found $1900 shoved up your ass!β
The man says, βWell that makes sense. Thatβs why I havenβt been feeling too grand.β
-
(Lewis) Hamilton
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Stirling (Moss)
-
Ayr Town Centre!!!
A member of the McLaren team has tested positive for the carowner virus
It was a grand piano.
It's hard to find organ donors.
Ariana PequeΓ±o
What a grand start to the weekend.
My daughter looking at disney princesses: whos thay
Me: thats Ariel
Grand-dad: i didnt know they named princesses after antennas
Sorry I'm late.
Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
Dubai doesnβt like the flint stones but Abu Dhabi do
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
They're 1,000 times funnier than regular dad jokes.
Rio Venti
A master of pun fu
There were lots of Sonic booms that night.
But a divorce is 10 grand
I told him I thought he might need a subwoofer. He then responded, "That's deep." How do I respond so I don't lose this battle?!
Dad: What's his name, Niki...?
Me: Lauda
Dad: WHAT'S HIS NAME, NIKI...?
Sometimes I'll say it first and this has been going on for about 20 years.
Grand Pa: What does Mr. Potato Head and Cuba have in common?
Me:expecting the worstWhat's that.....
Grand Pa: They both have a dictator.
Julius seizure
Edit: Oh and thanks a bunch for the silver homie
Pho Getaboutit
It was deep.
Shit was intense.
Highki
When my Mum and her sisters were younger, in an attempt to keep them quiet for half an hour, he told them to sit down next to each other so he could do their portrait. Every now and again he would stop, look up and to ensure he had the correct scale, held out his thumb and squinted a little, then continued.
After half an hour they got restless and said "Are you done yet, let's see".
He turned the drawing pad around to show...a simple sketch of a thumb.
Not a Dad yet, but thankful to have this trick up my sleeve for when I am.
People were lined up for blocks
Ariana Venti
