I cracked open an egg and all this yellow goo came out.

I was like: is this some kind of yolk?!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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How rich are garbage men?

Filthy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirpeterdick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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How does a baby look something up?

They "Goo Goo" it.

[This joke provided courtesy of my seven-year old.]

πŸ‘︎ 477
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggsaladapologist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I didn't want to have a brain surgery

But the neurosurgeon changed my mind

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phlegmaticguy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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What's the stickiest search engine

Goo gle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoyocrazybones99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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Your can always trust a walrus to keep your secrets...

His lips are sealed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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What did Velveeta call their new line of designer brand cheese?

GooCheese

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whiskeydoc501
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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is that an omen? no it’s a sign
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/artemisiagenti
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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What did Jack Nicholson say to the bad dentist?

You can't handle the tooth.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/admadguy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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I ordered a coffee at the local diner and though it tasted like mud.

Turns out it was fresh ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/conditackler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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Pun:

One guy asked: Is it safe to eat slime? The other guy said: Goo gullit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheYellowBears
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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When you are a rich baby..

Gucci Gucci goo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haliplays
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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I just moved to a new house surrounded by horse farms...

It's a pretty goo neigh-borhood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Gucci should open up a children’s store

And call it β€œGucci Gucci Goo”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrosen94
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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You’re locked in a cement room and just have a stick. How do you get out?

Break the stick in half...

...two halves make a hole.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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What do clothing designers say to their babies?

Gucci Gucci goo!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/warriorRobbins
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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What did the baby robot say to the daddy robot?

Goo-gle, goo-gle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeorgeHowland
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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What did the family friendly vlogger say to their baby?

Gucci Gucci goo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NormanPersson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Dad dropped this one on me back in '77.

We were driving down a Texas road late at night in my Dads' 72 Pontiac Grand Prix when a bug spalts on the windshield. The kind that makes a thud and leaves a two inch puddle of elongated goo. Without turning his attention from the road my Dad asked:

"You know what the last thing was to go through that bugs mind ?"

Suddenly, expecting some philosophical insight my father had into death I quietly asked "What?"

My Dad takes a drag on his Winston, exhales, and still never looking away from the road says: "His ass."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zandt88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2016
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My friend was dad joked by his 5 year old daughter.

5yr old: Hey daddy do you know why you don't give Elsa a ballon?

Friend: Why?

5yr old: Because she'll LET IT GOO! LET IT GOOO.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sempersig
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
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knot joke

https://goo.gl/wzeRXY

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roasticle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2015
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Came across this on google maps today..

Apparently they are really good at dad jokes too

https://goo.gl/maps/JLwtqp26dDP2

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fanytastic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2015
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I feel like this joke is underappreciated on /r/todayilearned.

http://goo.gl/4RBWVA

tl;dr: TIL During the 2014 Sochi Olympics, Russians got free passes on the Moscow subway system if they did 30 squats in front of a motion sensor

/u/SayLem37: "How did the sensor know they were russian?"

/u/eatnubmer1: "They did the squats quickly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eatnumber1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2014
🚨︎ report

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