I was supposed to go to a salt an pepa concert last week

Unfortunately, due to lockdown, they had to push it

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GuyM3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2020
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Can i go to the Panic at the disco concert?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RedDragoon24
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2019
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LPT: Always wear hearing protection when you go to loud concerts.

This is sound advice.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rufnubbins
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 23 2019
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Asked my Dad if I could go to a 50Β’ concert

So he gave me a dollar and asked me to bring my brother

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/alexanderlch
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2019
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dad wanting to go to a concert

dad: "sweetheart, do you know Spanish singer Julio Iglesias? He said he wanted to have another concert soon, you know! "

mom: "My deaaar, if I say 'Julio', it is pronounced as 'Hulio'. Don't embarrassed me like that ... "

dad: "Ooo ... is that so, ...?"

mom: "Yes, dear. When will the concert be available? "

dad: "It was Hanuari, but it was postponed. Either its Hune or Huly. Lets Watch it! After that, I plan to hump together with him at his room, what do you think?

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ander427
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18 2019
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Last weekend I had concert tickets to go see Timmy, the Yodeling Shetland Pony.

Unfortunately Timmy had to cancel. He was a little hoarse.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tsuggitt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2018
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If you go to an Usher concert...

does he show you to your seat?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 383
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/superstoreman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2014
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At a concert I didn’t want to go to, I turned to my wife and said, β€œI hope there is a lot of Ado.”

Her: Huh?

MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....

Me: Shit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2018
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can't decide if i want to go to the Hives concert

don't want to make any rash decisions

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/relayrider
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2016
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My mom just posted on Facebook this exchange she had with my dad while they were preparing to go to a concert

Mom: Have you shaved and showered for tonight?
Dad: Yup.
Mom: Do you know what you're wearing?
Dad: Do you mean right now??

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pretzelzetzel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2014
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"Yeah Dad, I really want to go to Syracuse for this concert, but it's a lot of gas and I don't know how to approach it."

"From the West, I'd say."

dammit dad

πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/McBurger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2013
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Son: Dad can I go to a 50 Cent concert?

Dad: Here's $1, take your sister too.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ohlala-
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2014
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Me to my deaf friend: why risk going to a rock concert with the pandemic raging and all?

My deaf friend: heard immunity

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
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Really excited to be going to this rock concert, I'd love to crowdsurf but I'm slightly concerned

I might get a bit carried away.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ThisRecycledAccount
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2020
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My dad said he's going to a concert.

Me: Hey dad, where are you off to?

Dad: I'm heading out to a Korean boy-band show.

Me: KPOP?!

Dad: Yes, I'm fine.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 50
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SaveTheNature
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15 2019
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘οΈŽ 17k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 21 2020
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Instead of the local festival, my friend is going to a concert tonight.

http://i.imgur.com/INcqgZ3.png

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mmmdddmmm
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2014
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The Seattle Symphony is playing Beethoven's 9th.

In the version they're doing, the bass section plays a bit at the start, then just sits there til the final part of the last movement. So, they decide to leave the concert and go out for drinks.

While at the bar down the street, they meet a European nobleman, and they become good friends. Unfortunately, the guy had been gorging himself on crappy bar food, and he quickly falls into a food coma.

One of the basses drunkenly checks his watch and says, "crap! We're not going to get back on stage in time!" As they're sprinting back, one of them says, "actually, I thought this would happen, so I tied some of the pages of the conductor's score together - that way, he'll have to slow the tempo way down with his right hand while undoes the knots with his left!"

And so they get back just in time to finish the Symphony, and the audience is none the wiser. The conductor, however, was furious.

After all, they'd left him at the bottom of the 9th, with the score tied, while the basses were loaded, and the Count was full.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PhantomImmortal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02 2019
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How do you get salt?

You go to a naclback concert.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ronniethelizard
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19 2019
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Paging

I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette … Mister Ray Zinnette

Paging Mister Reader … Mister Chip Reader

Paging Miss Kiaki … Miss Sue Kiaki

Paging Mister Doffish … Mister Stan Doffish

Paging Mister Debank … Mister Robin Debank

Paging Mister Festo … Mister Manny Festo

Paging Mister Ifornia … Mister Cal Ifornia

Paging Mister Itosis … Mister Hal Itosis

Paging Mister Saroni … Mister Rye Saroni

Paging Mister Nasium … Mister Jim Nasium

Paging Mister Aroon … Mister Mac Aroon

Paging Miss Ester … Miss Polly Ester

Paging Miss Rexia … Miss Anna Rexia

Paging Mister Zapan … Mister Pete Zapan

Paging Mister Tenuff … Mister Jess Tenuff

Paging Miss Eous … Miss Elaine Eous

Paging Mister Aroni … Mister Mac Aroni

Paging Mister Preneur … Mister Andre Preneur

Paging Mister Cetera … Mister Ed Cetera

Paging Mr. Zapple … Mr. Adam Zapple

Paging Mr. Bino … Mr. Al Bino

Paging Miss Slapter … Miss Ida Slapter

Paging Miss Talia … Miss Jenna Talia

Paging Mr. Rafone … Mr. Mike Rafone

Paging Mr. Zark … Mr. Noah Zark

Paging Miss Yoki … Miss Carey Yoki

Paging Mr. Foolery … Mr. Tom Foolery

Paging Mr. Atric … Mr. Jerry Atric

Paging Mr. Duttank … Mr. Phillip Duttank

Paging Mr. Anoma … Mr. Mel Anoma

Paging Mister Jass … Mr. Hugh Jass

Paging Mr. Onella … Mr. Sam Onella

Paging Mr. Maphobe … Mr. Jer Maphobe

Paging Mr. Packa … Mr. Al Packa

Paging Mister Dente … Mister Al Dente

Paging Miss Conda … Miss Anna Conda

Paging Miss Sharalike … Miss Sharon Sharalike

Paging Miss Bellum … Miss Sarah Bellum

Paging Miss Mennopey … Miss

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 31 2018
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A modern man tries to take a women from the Stone Age on a date.

She wanted to go see a rock and roll concert but since he was cheap he took her for granite.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RaiRules
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2018
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I'm taking an improv class [shaggy dog]

and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.

In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.

A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun and dropped to the floor with a resounding THUD (knowing how to fall is a useful skill). The reaction was about a third laughs, a third stage-gasps, and a third just confusion. But I did get a few compliments after the exercise on my impression and my theatrics.

So I'd say that was a pretty big hit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/teuast
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2017
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Son's concert...

Last night I had to go to my son's 6th grade band concert. He plays the trumpet. Most of the band, like my son, only started playing their instruments this year so the quality was far less than professional.

We walked out of the school together and he had a hop to his step feeling really proud. It was a shame to tell him that I could barely see him let alone hear him by the squeaks and honks him and his classmates created.

I rubbed his hear and asked, "You play the trumpet, right son?"

He gave me a strange look. "You know I do, dad."

"So, you got to toot your own horn tonight, huh?'

His eye roll was worth it.

The nice part was being able to retell it to my older step daughter who giggled at my joke. A two for one!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 68
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bobsbattle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2014
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My friend wanted to see a concert

My friend asked his dad if he could go to a fifty cent concert his dad said, "here's a dollar, take your sister too"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tcherry720
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2014
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First day of summer... The stars aligned for this one!

Girlfriend: We should go to a 5 Seconds To Summer concert! [one of her favorite bands]

Me: We're too late. That would've been at 11:55:55 PM last night.

Girlfriend: ... oooOOOHHH because today is the first day of summer on the calendar!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IBlameTheMormons
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2016
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Walking next to my Mom yesterday...

My brother and I aren't super tall by any means (both 6'1") but we tower over my 5" 5' mother.

So last night, after going to my other brother's choir concert, we were walking back to my car. My brother turns to me and says "hey /u/Devchar96, let's pretend we're as short as Mom." He then crouch walked.

My response? "Nah, I won't stoop to that level."

I'm so proud of myself guys. I feel like I'm finally qualified for Dad-hood!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Devchar96
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2016
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Double dadjoked at work yesterday

My editor in chief told me he couldn't go out to a concert the night before because his nephew had to have emergency gall bladder surgery.

My response: "Wow, the gall of him!"

His response: "Well, at least he had it removed now before it got any bladder."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scottheisel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2014
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Dadjoked my girlfriend at concert

My girlfriend and I went to a Glitch Mob concert a couple of days ago. When we walked into the venue, the smoke machines were already on, it was almost impossible to see the stage. Immediately I turn to her and say

"Man, I don't know if we'll remember this concert tomorrow morning."

"Why?"

"Our memory might be a little foggy."

I had to go look for her in the crowd.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zaffire
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07 2014
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Got my fiance's dad at the dinner table

asking if my fiance and I were still going to a concert that night:

Him: Are you guys going out? Me: actually, we're engaged

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/warmerbread
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2016
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Post concussion

So I'm concussed during my high-school rugby game, after which we head to the hospital. Important to mention that I was a member of my school's jazz band, and had a concert coming up. I get checked out by the doc, minor concussion. He's going over the stuff with my dad on what to watch out for (be careful with naps, no contact sports for a while etc.) and my dad asks if I'd be able to play the trumpet in next week's concert. The doc says he thinks it might not be the best idea. So my dad asks, will he at least be able to play the piano? Doc replies that yes, I'd be able to play the piano.
"That's great, he wasn't able play it before the concussion!"
Took a second for the doctor to realize what happened, after which he seemed to sigh with exhaustion and laughed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sundance91
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2015
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Concert Dadjoke

"Dad, we're going to a Weezer concert."

"Don't forget to bring your inhaler!" He then puts up his hand for a high five.

The joke doesn't really line up, but he tried.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/grebilrancher
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2014
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My friend wanted to see a Three Doors Down concert.

So, we were at dinner and my friend goes "I want to go see a Three Doors Down concert, but they are in Europe right now" Her dad immediately goes "That is a lot more than three doors." I enjoyed it, my friend cringed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EmoElmos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2013
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Dad jokes come with extra bass

parents are going to see an outdoor concert

Mom: Do you have your cooler packed?

Dad: (in bathroom) Yeah, I got my culo packed. [loud fart]

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/garbage_water
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2014
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Talking to my Dad about the Nine Inch Nails upcoming concert...

Me: I'm going to go to this upcoming concert, have you heard of Nine Inch Nails?

Dad: Yeah, we used six inch nails to put up our fence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mafeumatty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2013
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I was supposed to go to a salt n pepa concert next week

Unfortunately, due to the coronavirus they had to push it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GuyM3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 27 2020
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My daughter asked me if she could go to a 50 cent concert...

I gave her a dollar and said, β€œtake your brother too”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/that-_one-_guy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2018
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My daughter asked my if she could go to a 50 cent concert.

I gave her 1 dollar, and told her to take her brother with her.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 163
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Remmler
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2013
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