The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m finding it hard to deal with this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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My company is giving yo-yos as our gift this holidays and we are trying to think of a pun to include in our greeting cards. Any ideas?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/birdlawyer213
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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My dad gave me a Walmart gift card for my birthday

Then he said "Don't spend it all in one place."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoredLeo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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I gave valuable customer feedback to an Olive Garden in exchange for a gift card

In return I received a pasta dish.

For the first time in my life, I actually received a Penne for my thoughts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/muncie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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I need a new fan for my bedroom so I tried using this gift card at Boston Pizza. They did not make me a fan.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanSag
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
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My wife thought I was mad because the only birthday gift I received was this comically miniature playing cards.

It wasn’t a big deal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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I hate gift cards as presents.

People just return them for store credit anyways.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bugunderarug
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2018
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My little brother just wants a bunch of steam gift cards for Christmas

Dad - "I have plenty of steam son, I can get you that for free."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magik_man_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2016
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Someone: "If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19"

My response: "144? That's a gross"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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Best Golf Pun contest has started

Our Golf Pun contest is starting tonight at 5PM EST. It's free to enter. Winner gets $150 Amazon eGift Card .........

Please invite all the punsters you'd like .......... https://golfpuns.com/index.php

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πŸ‘€︎ u/golfpuns
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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My friend has been learning magic as a quarantine hobby. I present to you: my oc list of magician jokes and puns I invented to annoy him.

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose dean’s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

β€œAb rack and dab rack”

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked β€œbirthday,” and said:

β€œPick a card, any card”

The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:

In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.

Okay that’s it. I’m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsk09003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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What items would you include in an amputation themed gift basket?

I know this isn't strictly a Dad joke, but I feel it is in the spirit of the thing. My dad is getting is getting his leg amputated in January. Essentially he has no cartilage in his ankle, and it causes him severe pain all the time. He has an amazing sense of humor, so I wanted to get him a gift basket of foot-based things. So far I have: -fruit by the foot -Happy Feet -Footloose -an Ihop gift card -pack of tube socks (since now he gets 2 for 1) -Bologna (because his amputation is below knee) -a card saying congrats on the weight loss -all put inside of a stocking

What other foot based pun items would you include in the gift basket?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyroperformer93
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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Need some help, I want to give my geography teacher a leaving present and she's always loved puns. Can you guys come up with any geography themed puns? There are no good ones elsewhere..

Preferably something physical related, not so much to do with place names or anything like that, but if they're funny enough and not to niche I don't see why not! Thanks I really appreciate it! ^you ^guys ^are ^the ^best

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HamLamb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2013
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Little brother makes a purchase

I'm talking to my younger brother on the phone and he tells me that he used his Best Buy gift card. He debated on Beats headphones but decided on Bose. "You made a sound decision little bro".

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2014
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My son wants a video card for his computer for Christmas.

Does Youtube sell gift cards?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drumlin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
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Got my GF so good!

My girlfriend and I were talking on the phone while I was driving home from work. She was going to the grocery store(Giant) to pick up some things for dinner, and that she thought she had lost her Giant gift card, but had found it in her purse. I proceeded to ask her how she lost the gift card if it was so big. She was speechless. I was so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Careitz711
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2016
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He dadjoked us while opening Christmas presents this morning.

My family got my father a few gift cards to restaurants as some of his Christmas presents, and he says, "Wow, a 198 gift card!" We all stare at him, confused, until he explains: "Two gift cards for the 99 Restaurant!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tidbits_and_bytes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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Got dad joked at Guitar Center and it was beautiful!

So i made a pit stop at ol' GC to kill off a gift card from Xmas.

I needed one of those little plastic egg shakers (musicians will know) and some drum sticks. The two gentlemen were very rad & we stood around shootin' the shit for a bit.

Then the one who had my plastic shaker in his hand went to exhibit its shaker-y-ness only for it to fly out of his hands (on accident of course) and nail me in the chest.

The other gentleman responded with "That's not what he meant by drum throne!"

I swear I heard angels singing as they descended down a badly played Stairway to Heaven.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/George_F4YF
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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Proud of myself for this one

My mom was talking to my dad on speaker phone and I walked into the room at the perfect time.

Dad: I was thinking we could just get her a gift card to Dick's (sporting goods).

Mom:You can't get a girl a gift card to Dick's...

Me: Why not? Girls love Dicks.

I couldn't resist...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/llamalord911
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2015
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Dad Joke in the family Christmas gift exchange notification email

> Here is the list of who buys for whom in the gift exchange. > > The rules are: Spend $50, no gift cards. (If you think $50 is too much then make it two $25 gifts.) > > PS: If you want to spend more on me I would understand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaveIsLame2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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Subs from a Sub

So my dad substitute teaches at my old high school. When graduation parties came around last year, he was invited to one (the kids really like him).

He handed the kid a card and asked him to open it then. It was a Subway gift card. The kid looked confused, but thankful, and my dad said;

"Subs from a sub!"

Both the graduating kid and I groaned loudly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forensikat
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
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The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find it extremely difficult to deal with.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The only gift I got for my birthday is a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find that very hard to deal with.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m having a hard time dealing with it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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The only birthday gift I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find that very hard to deal with.

πŸ‘︎ 566
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
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Gives son $10 Gift Card to Walmart

Dad: "Don't Spend it all at one place"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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I got my son a gift card for Christmas. I told him not to spend it all in one place.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/genericbrand2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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I just gave a friend a Target gift card...

"Don't spend it all in one place"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyckTycket
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2017
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For my birthday, i got gifted a sticky deck of cards

I find it very hard to deal with

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peanut31
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
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