I've been growing a beard for four months. At first I wasn't sure if l liked it.

But it's really grown on me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buyingbridges
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I drove around Lake Superior last Fall...

It had me fondly thinking back to the time years ago when my friend Mitchell and I toured four of the five Great Lakes one summer.

I wonder if I’ll ever see Mitch again?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/worldrider1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why does a chicken coup have two doors?

Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Out-dadded by my 5 y/o niece

I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.

My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."

Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redneckvet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.

which I think is poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 372
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad Does Crossword...

Daughter:

>Type of fish used in salads. Four letters.

Dad:

>Dead

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gayesque
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pudgy psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
One my dad told me a few days ago

Did you know alligators can grow up to 15 feet? But most only have four.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
During breakfast, my dad said, β€œLet me sum up 2020 in one word.”

Four.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 681
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever since 2017, my New Year’s resolution has been to work on my novel.

Four years going and I’ve almost finished reading it!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsopoor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the best time to visit a watchmaker?

Four a'clock

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jurboa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I dropped the perfect terrible pun at work last winter...

So there were 6 of us...

With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)

There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".

Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"

The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.

Best day of my comedic life

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad told me this one last night

Alright so yesterday at dinner my mom and dad told me and my sister that they decided that we would indeed drive to Florida and stay there and rent a place for a few months. The home they picked out is in the same community as my grandparents, I am all happy about this except for the part where we have to drive 1000 miles over 15 hours of driving. So anyway after my sister and I ask some questions about the place he says β€œdid you know alligators can grow up to 15 feet, but most have four”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A fella from Alaska moved to San Diego and asked how he'd summerize his car

I told him four wheels, a seat and an engine

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dirty_boris
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German man are all watching a street performer

The street performer notices the four men are very far to the back and cannot see, so he stands on a box and continues his performance while asking, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Si."

"Ja."

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How many hands am I holding up?

If you ever accidentally smack your kid in the face and they say ow my eyes is blurry, or if they bump their face etc

Say β€œah buddy u ok? Can u see? How many hands am I holding up?

Then proceed to hold up one hand with four fingers.

The kid will most often say 4. Then you make the dad face.

β€œ4 hands!?!? Yah we might have a problem!”

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MuskIsAlien
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do fat people go when they want to see into the future?

A Four chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...

...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Long, stupid Dad joke

The ancient Greeks greatly feared volcanic explosions from Mt. Olympus, so they developed a tradition of sacrificing young maidens to the Gods on the mountain. Every year they selected five girls, and sacrificed four. Then they assigned the other one to stomp the olive harvest. That’s where we get Extra Virgin Olive Oil.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Addama33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Four men waiting in the hospital

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, β€œCongratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

β€œThat’s odd,” answers the man. β€œI work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, β€œCongratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

β€œThat’s weird,” answers the second man. β€œI work for the 3M company!”

A nurse tells the third man, β€œCongratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

β€œThat’s strange,” he answers. β€œI work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. β€œWhat’s wrong?” the others ask.

β€œI work for 7 Up!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the spies who planted tiny microphones inside a box of tic-tacs?

They were in four mints.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the unicorn go to the doctor?

Because it was feeling horny!

My daughter made this up when she was four years old. She's eight now but still tells it to everyone she meets.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFutonEng
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
There once was a beautiful, snowy kingdom.

It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.

However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a tiny bell from a kitten’s collar, all the way up to the bell from the king’s royal bell tower.

When the king awoke one morning, the bell tower’s bell was missing. The king, being brave and noble, decided to follow the thief back to his lair. He chose four of his most loyal soldiers, mounted his horse, and rode off into the snowy woods, following the footprints left behind on the ground.

Soon, he and his soldiers arrived to a clearing in the woods. In front of them was a large, bell-shaped building. They found the thief’s lair!Pointing to the recent tracks left in the snow by the thief, the king announced to the soldiers,

β€œLook! The Fresh Prints to Bell Lair!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit_reddit03
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A daddy minnow, a mommy minnow, and two baby minnows went camping...

Four, all in tents and porpoises.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter just dropped a dad joke that made me super proud.

We're celebrating my daughter's 4th birthday party today. She puts her giant number 4 balloon on her head, turns to me and says "Look daddy, it's a four-head!"

πŸ‘︎ 656
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychicGnome
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The most stable relationship I have is with my bed

Because it stands on four legs.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScoutyHUN
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How many Motown bands could you name?

Two, three? Maybe four, tops.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomseries
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guys that got drunk at a Trump rally last night?

They kept chanting β€œFOUR MORE BEERS!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pudgy psychic?

A four-chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a clock do when it’s hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/remoonl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My four year old has been learning Spanish for a year, and he still can’t say β€˜please’

I think that’s poor for four

πŸ‘︎ 184
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oobedoo321
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

If they had four doors it would be a chicken sedan

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My 4 year old son has been learning spanish all year and he still can’t say the word please.

Which i think is poor for four

πŸ‘︎ 553
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattty_21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do chicken coops have two doors?

Because if they had four doors they'd be chicken sedans!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gottliebk12
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My Spanish friends little boy still can't say please....

And I think it's poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a Kleenex dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

(My husband told this joke to our four year old and she can’t stop laughing.)

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TiffanyOddish
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My four year old has been learning Spanish and still can’t say the word please.

Which I think is poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was time traveling yesterday.

But I got hungry, so I went back four seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the clock do when it’s hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Droolingdogg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?

Cause if it had four it'd be a chicken sedan

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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