Football Game Puns

Turns out there was a face off in the corner.

Cup of soup or bowl

They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.

Wonder who it was rooting for.

Because he was a common-tater.

All the fans left

Though I’ve never played a game either

Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

Tentacles

It's zero to zero !

Ubisoft

That was one Superb Owl.

Stand next to a fan

There was this guy on the pitch with a beanie on his head. He scored the first goal, a header.

"Great goal," I said.

"Yes," said my friend. "A great goal."

Another opportunity arose ten minutes later, and the same player jumped up, and scored another header. A terrific one.

"Wow, that was unstoppable," I told my friend.

"Yes, unbelievable. Unstoppable," he replied.

Towards the end of the game, the same player leapt up, scored another incredible header.

I turned to my friend, flabbergasted and said, "I think that thing on his head, it's giving him some sort of advantage. This entire game he hasn't missed a single header."

"What about it?" asked my friend.

I said. "He's got a hat, Rick."

We were watching the Patriots/Falcons game, which had a ton of fog in the stadium obscuring camera views, when I dropped this one:

“It’s weird that the fog is still there when the stadium is full of fans.”

We decided to visit the Paul. W Bryant Museum before the game. The museum is essentially just a building full of the history of Alabama college football including National Championship trophies and all that. I happened to notice that there were lots of Tennessee fans walking around the museum as well which seemed a bit odd to me.

Me: Dad, why are there so many Tennessee fans walking around in here? It seems strange.

Dad: Well son, they want to see what a trophy looks like.

The atmosphere was electric

A flag was thrown for un-sportsman like conduct on the coach of one team

Announcer 1: It did't look like the the coach did anything to get the flag thrown.

Announcer 2: But we couldn't hear the language that was being used by the coach, that could have drawn the foul.

Announcer 1: I believe the coach was using english.

I laughed hysterically.

Edit: formating

He got kicked in the ghoulies.

Dad: "Given the time of year, you'd think they'd be fall rolls."

...

Because there's so many fans.

... I told her "Ask Lance Armstrong."

I was watching the Seattle Seahawks play against the Green Bay Packers tonight, and Derrick Coleman was shown on TV. I turned to my dad, "That's the deaf football player, right?"

Him "Huh?"

Me "That football player is deaf, right?"

Him " What?" As he held his hand up to his ear.

God damn it dad.

There was a famous ex-footballer called Tony Hazell who was doing a Q and A at half time. My dad turns to me and says, 'He's a bit of nut that guy.'

Dad: Throw the damn ball away already!! (He was loud and angry)

Me: I don't see a trash can out there..

My aunt told my dad she had hot pockets in her gloves to keep her hands warm. My dad wittily replied, "Ooh I love Hot Pockets! What flavor do you have, pepperoni or sausage??"

I was at a football game yesterday with an old roommate when I accidentally hit him with my towel.

He turned to me and said "You hit me with your towel!"

"Yeah... and?"

"I shall retowliate!"

football commentator says something about a player's NFL debut being today just before I get crushed ice from the in-door ice maker from the fridge

Dad: "Wait I missed that, WHOSE debut is it today? What was his name again? I couldn't hear!" Me, loudly: "Hang on!" points to fridge "Ice maker." Dad: "WOW his name is Ice Maker?! No wonder he's so tough!"

Now, my dad doesn't often do this so I kinda started at him before slowly saying, "No.....his....it's not...." Then he grinned at me as I felt dumb.

"Did you see the flyover?"

"No, there wasn't one today."

"Yeah there was, it was those stealth planes!"

Stand next to a fan