How do you get Facebook followers?
How did Trump lose his followers?
"Dark joke" How do you get 11 million followers?
Run through Africa with a water bottle.
When Moses came down the mountain he noticed his followers had bad breath.
So he gave them the Ten Commandmints
What did Vladimir Putin's followers tell his opposers?
What do you call a follower of Jesus who wears a size XXXXXL?
I still can't believe he tweeted this to his millions of followers.
I told my husband I have 360 Twitter followers...
He told me I've really come full circle on that.
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner
Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.
Sisters kids: Who? WHO?
Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other
Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad
Me: I'm a faux pas
79% of people don't know opposite words for the following.
- Always
- Coming
- From
- Take
- Me
- Down
When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.
I need help following up with this pun, this is a video about a scientist giving a lecture about fire, I can’t think of any more other than pun-ch line
He followed the instructions word-for-word
Wise men followed a Star-Bucks...
I found it easier to follow my new year's resolution after I misspelled it.
I am now on a no-crab diet
I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..
It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.
Nauru is the most obese country in the world, followed by the Cook Islands.
Does that mean that the Cook Islands have a fat chance of catching up?
I cloned myself and he is following me everywhere. To the garage, kitchen, bathroom....
Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself
Person 1: “Will you follow me?”
Person 2: “No I’m gonna follow sleep.”
Three old ladies were having a picnic when the following conversation took place.
First lady: Isn’t it a bit windy?
Second lady: I thought it was Thursday.
Third lady: Me too, let’s have a cup of tea.
BREAKING: North Korean Leader in vegetative state following surgery.
They're going to start calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion.
The other day my daughter asked me why the dog follows her around all the time.
I answered, because she (the dog) looks up to you.
He's just following orders
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
Consider the following
WD-40 is just wrench dressing.
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband the following text...
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!!!” The husband, being a non-romantic sort, replied... “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”
Doctors say some effects of COVID-19 may follow patients for life.
You could say it's a choronic disease.
Why did the man get sent back to his home country for following his high school girlfriends life rules?
A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.”
The doctor looks at him and says, “Sorry, I don’t follow you."
If electricity always follows the path of least resistance,
Why doesn't lighting always strike in France?
A man brought his trike to a 4 Wheeler convention but was refused at the door for not following the dress code.
They told him that he was missing attire
"Officer, how did the hacker you were following, escape ?"
"Don't know he just ransomware"
The director told me to follow the pencil with my eyes.
Honestly, I couldn’t see the point.
If you’re getting married consider the following...
...on one hand, you wear a super cool ring, on the other hand, you don’t
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.
Operation Toot And Calm ‘Em will last a week.
A large bird follows me wherever I go.
I think I’m being storked.
One of my own tweets. (follow me @tidytuanzebe)
A pumpkin spiced latte joke should contain the set up, followed by the punchline and
My 7 yr old sister did a huge fart and I told her to say excuse me and she follows with this:
What creature do you follow to find your way out of a swamp?
For a Chemistry teacher, what is the golden rule that his class must follow?
That they maintain decAurum
Most people think that the word “Queue” is just the letter “Q” followed by four silent letters. But they are not silent.
They are just waiting their turn.
My brother and his wife won’t speak to me following their gender reveal party.
Apparently it refers to the baby.
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
People think that the word 'queue' is just 'Q' followed by 4 silent letters
But those letters aren't silent, they're just waiting their turn
a lady goes to the doctor and says I’m addicted to Twitter
the doctor says I don’t follow you
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