Financially Puns

An INVESTigator!

Pennywise.

A burr oak

He's really penny-wise.

But I guess that if that doesn’t work I’ll just sell the horses

Johnny Debt

An invest-o-gator

Because it's funds.

I bought the vest, any recommendations on a good tour I can take? So I can do my In Vest Tour

It's a mootual fund.

That’s why it’s called “art appreciation”

Now our budget's cracking up.

He was running a "Fonzi Scheme."

My income is low-er and this maybe my career's financy low-year.

He was an expert in the field

Edit: I made this up myself!

Then you’ll have a little bit of company.

..”Why did you buy so many DVDs of the same movie?”

In his Ledger

The entire sport is going downhill fast.

One time a contractor approached me and asked if I wanted to buy some panzers that his company built.

I considered it for a while but remembered that the air force needed to get new fighter jets.

I turn back to the contractor and say, “sorry, but we just don’t have enough room in the budget. Thanks but no tanks.”

He couldn’t lift a mountain, but he could budget.

An incestment

Even if you can't af-Ford it, Holden onto a vintage car is fun.

(just in case I need to mention it: Ford & Holden are two car manufacturers who've been in Australia for a long time)

Those Catholics are real sensitive sometimes

In fact, they're banking on it

He must be a part of some extreme mist group.

An income-poop

That will be a hard one to crack.

He needed some more Patients.

Those guys really make bank.

Some might say its floundering

I heard that the underwater financial department is tanking. They started using the loan sharks.

Octopi Wall Street

But only if it was a 401k

He told me to put my retirement money in a David Lee Roth IRA

"Man, it would be so boring to work there...but I'm sure it has its ups and downs!"

Years ago my parents sent my sister to England for a summer camp/study trip. Whenever we would call her we'd all gather around the speakerphone and talk briefly since international phone calls were expensive back then. One day we call her and my sister tells my dad that she has 6 more days of camp left and she is down to her last pound (dollar). There is a long awkward pause. Then my sister ask: Dad, what should I do? To which my dad responds: Spend it wisely...

Nothing on the left side of Accountants' books were right, and nothing on the right side was left.

So I can be financially stable

If you and your findom (financial dominant) get engaged... Are they now your financé?

I said, "It's a financial institution licensed to receive deposits and make loans."

So at my school, we had a pipe burst.

Joke at the end of you want to skip

Now it's pretty normal in the midwest, where I live, to have this thing. It started with the fire alarm going off, because of the pressure decrease, and the school was evacuated. We were all eventually brought back, for it was cold. We sat in our gym for AN HOUR before being dismissed back to our classes.

So it's near the end of the day and I have gym class. And I'm having your normal conversation with a friend about the school's financial problems. And we were just talking about how the school is going to have to pay so much money for the new pipe and the ceiling tiles and the cleaning etc.

And then it was my moment to shine.

So the conversation is almost over and the friend says,

"It'll be a while before normal funds go back".

And I just say this:

"Yeah man, the school's money is going down the drain".

So the person's profile only talks about airplanes. I wanted to send a message totally jammed packed with airplane puns but I don't have that many. It's probably a fake profile but I still think it would be fun.

Here's what I have so far. Hey Girl. Most of the girls on this website are so 'plane' but you're the exception. I have a 'terminal' illness and hope to meet my copilot before I go. Just kidding. My health is 'A oK47'. I was just 'play'n' around. Just to let you know I have some baggage from some 'turbulence' in a previous relationship but Shirley I can get past it. My previous relationship taught me that two wrongs don't make a right. However, two Wrights made an airplane. I hope a new relationship can 'takeoff' with you though. I would be a great boyfriend. I have financial 'security' and could buy you anything you want with my 'visa'. Have you seen the movie, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"? It's really good, except for the train and automobile parts.