I said, "Marilyn Monroe was never a boy."
Her: "I feel like some yoghurt!"
Me: "You don't look like yoghurt!"
Her: eye roll, shakes head sadly
He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.
"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.
"Oh, This is Michelle"
This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts
Me: Well, that’s your Uncle Frank. That’s where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why. Son: Maybe it’s so he could be Frank in Stein Me: That son of a bitch!
And yes, just to be clear: not original, saw it on discord, checked this sub, 6 months since last time this joke was posted here.
I decided to woo her.
Dev elopment
I'm kind of a big deal.
Turns out he was a man of culture.
I was immediately kicked out.
Police say it’s a great a crime detergent
On the way home I got mugged.
It's a fancy pants word.
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
It’s not bad or anything, I just think it’s overgrated.
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
You should have seen her face light up when she opened it
It was pretty boring
I guess you could call that a punch line
The man goes into the fancy restaurant and have a discussion with the host:
Host Sir, you cannot come in here with out a belt. We have standards.
The man goes out to his car and puts on a belt fashioned out of some rope. He goes back in.
Host Alright.... I guess you have a belt....You still need a jacket.
The man goes back out to his car and fishes out a jacket his wore to a wedding a year ago. He shares it off, brushes it with his hand, and puts it on.
Host Ok. You still need a tie. It is required.
The man goes out to his car. He doesn't have a tie. He puts on jumper cables and makes a perfect Windsor knot.
Host You have a belt and a jacket. I guess you have a tie.
Just don't try to start something....
People always asked how I could tell them apart but it was pretty easy.
Jessica had purple fingernails, James had a dick.
They don't fancy each other.
Despite all the new features, I was pretty shocked to find out it wasn’t waterproof.
Your Mercedes bends
I shifted my seat to look out of the window to stare at the wall directly across the street.
Imma wall street banker now
The doorman turns them back, saying “I’m sorry. We can’t let you in without a Thai.”
To brighten things up a bit, I'll be going as The Sun.
The waiter responds “It’s tap quality”
Namaste in instead...
They’re just such lightwooded jokes but I understand that it doesn’t teaks everyone’s fancy. I’m running out of tree puns so I might have to branch off to other puns or spruce up my current ones
I hope it makes us more cultured.
I said, "Leave my provolone alone."
I said don't be Sicily.
He looked spiffy in his loafers.
I told her next time she can pick the restaurant, if she really hated Subway that much.
a posh trophy
Because they cantaloupe
Everyone was wearing platforms
I wasn't told the dress code so I wasn't Aladdin
“Hey!! Torte us!!!!!!
because he preferred to be heard in scary-o.
I told her not to threaten me with a good thyme.
Me: Well, that’s your Uncle Frank. That’s where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why.
Son: Maybe it’s so he could be Frank in Stein
Me: That son of a bitch!
"Why on Earth would I want two empty glasses?" I asked.
