Hubby : Where are you going
Wife : To my mother
Hubby also starts packing
Wife : And where do you think you are going
Hubby : Am also going to my mother
Wife : What about the kids
Hubby - Since you are going to your mother and am also going to my mother , the kids should also go to their mother
I ain’t got time for this shit.
I could tell you why, but I'm busy right now
By shooting stars
Nonetheless they all call me a deserter
But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move into a house.
Nothing, he was just octopi’d.
They wood hate to be board to death.
But I just can’t seem to find the thyme!
He said: can I coal you back?
That's really nice of him. It's important that her demons stay healthy.
How do you keep a Redditor busy? Just see the title above.
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
It's cruch time.
RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
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June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
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July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
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July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
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July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
-
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
-
August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
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August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
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August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
-
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
-
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
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October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
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October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
-
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
-
October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
- Took a bo
'Cause they were nuts...
Because he's always in the middle of something.
I've got a lot of time on my hands.
🤥Dad: "He's insecurity"
But when i call him,he always has thyme to talk
Boss texts me: “That’s hilarious, send me another one!”
Anything to pass the time.
A “hot commodity
ti
It had to do an air-rend
^^^first ^^^OC ^^^pun ^^^here ^^^pls ^^^be ^^^gentle
: Hi busy.. don't call me later, call me dad.
The receptionist said, "Urology department, can you hold?"
They just needed the mayor to green light the project
He didn't rise to the occasion
*true story
Yes... she said "I love you momma from over here"
Girlfriend: It's too bad they don't have a Delivery Service
