Engaged Puns

Have a webbing.

Congratulations, toilet!

But I broke it off.

Because nice Finnish guys last

Feyoncè

Me: “Well that seems like a blind doe.”

Her: “A what? A blind doe?”

Me: “Yep. That’s a bad-eye deer.”

Fantastic! To who???

Today, I went out to lunch with some fellas from my office, Dave and Mike.

We all opted for the "beer and sandwich deal": any beer < $6 and any sandwich from the lunch menu for $10. Can't beat that in Hoboken, NJ.

One of my coworkers ordered a Sam Adams something-or-other and our bouncy little waitress pranced off to fetch our beverages. When the waitress returned with our potables she placed a beer, amber in color, 1/2" or so foamy head, in front of my coworker and said:

"Sam?"

To which I immediately announced "No, that's Dave."

Laughs were had all around. I cringed at myself but I couldn't help it.

I was putting on my pants, I explained. I was covering up my legs.

His feyonce

W Xed Y Z?

Yes, my fiancée!

An engaged couple was walking along the beach. The woman looked down and discovered her fiance was missing some of his toes. She stopped and said "I'm sorry, I can't marry you" When the man asked why she said, "I'm lactose intolerant"

Me, on speakerphone with both my parents: "So, Rob just proposed..."

Dad:"To do what?"

Me: "...."

My friend Kenny just got engaged, so I texted him to ask if she was taking his name. He said "yes". I replied "Won't that be weird having a husband and wife both named Kenny?"

It sounds like they are going to have a long engagement though. They're getting married in 2020.

Me: there is a large spider in the esky (as I jump back and slam the lid) Should I kill it?

Him: no he is just chilling out

The guy I'm dating's last name is Feliz.

Over the holidays at his family's New Years party his little brother asked his girlfriend to marry him. Her response? Yes! It would make me happy.

Feliz is Spanish for happy. He is literally making her happy. I was rolling. I think everyone else may have heard variations of the joke too many times cause all they did was groan but I definitely think she's a honorary dad.

I'm driving to Fargo with my dad and brother when this happens.

Dad: Tom Cruise just got engaged again.

Me: Really? To who?

Dad: I don't know...the dashboard says "Cruise engaged."

Me: Yeah, so he was telling me he might go to Columbus. He was also thinking about Dayton.

Dad: But he's engaged!