Getting Engaged Puns

Have a webbing.

W Xed Y Z?

That would be a punzi scheme.

If you and your findom (financial dominant) get engaged... Are they now your financé?

I put this in the wrong sub reddit so I've reposted this to dad jokes

Hello reddit

I'm looking for quick easy and simple dad jokes I can say to strangers and make them laugh and then keep pushing trolleys.

I'm a trolley pusher and when I'm at work saying "Gday mate how are you" is getting bland I try and get the random customers to say "I'm all right" which then I respond "your not all right you also half left" it tends to make people smile and laugh.

Are there any there any other fun and simple to engage dad jokes out there?

Having nothing much else to do to pass the time, they engaged in frequent conversation with each other about whatever tickled their fancy.

Well, one year, a sapling took root between the two trees and having not much else to talk about, they argued about the sapling for years.

"It's a son of a beech," the beech would say.

"No, it's a son of a birch," the birch would say.

And back and forth they would go.

Well one year, when the sapling was starting to get big and tall, a woodpecker happened to fly along and land on the beech.

The beech, seeing an opportunity to settle this argument once and for all, said, "Hey, woodpecker. I need a favor. I want you to fly over to that young tree there, and tell me whether that tree is a son of a beech or the son of a birch."

Well, the woodpecker not having much else to do said, "Sure thing!" and flew over to the young tree and gave it six good taps.

-tap tap tap-

-tap tap tap-

And flew back.

"Well?" the birch said.

"Well?" the beech said.

"Is it a son of a beech, or the son of a birch?"

The woodpecker said, "Neither."

"Neither!?"

"That, my friends," the woodpecker said, "is the best piece of ash I've ever put my pecker in."

My wife and I were visiting my parents yesterday and we were discussing their neighbor that is pregnant.

My mother: "They got engaged before she got pregnant" My father: "Sometimes they get REALLY engaged"

I groaned.

It sounds like they are going to have a long engagement though. They're getting married in 2020.

Every time my mother tells my father something new.

Mother: Did I tell you that I ran into your boss at the grocery? Dad: No. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

Mother: Did I tell you that so-and-so got engaged? Dad: No. Why DIDN'T you tell me?

Gets her every time.

I recently took a new job and took a walk with a couple of coworkers this morning. To get to know me, one of the guys asked my if I'm single, to which I responded, "No, I'm engaged" He followed up my answer with, "Do you have a date?" So I politely said, "No sir, she prefers that I don't date around"

I felt wittty

Sorry son, but this is only the beginning...

So sometimes I help my dads hockey team out when they're short on players and always leave with new material. They were getting on one guy for thinking about getting married and how it's a horrible idea.

Future dad: "Ya i'm in the process of finding some rings that she may like"

Dad: "Well you gotta buy three rings for her. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering"

This of course leads to laughs and another topic of how blowjobs are obsolete as the marriage goes on and to hold onto the memories of seeing women naked other than your wife.

I was catering a wedding and this dad joke was given during the dad's speech:

Dad: "When they got engaged, my wife and I went out to look for a present to get them to congratulate them. My wife thought the best gift idea would be to purchase them a water bed. I said, 'A water bed?! They'll drift apart!'"

Classic dad joke.

I'm going through a bunch of job interviews now. So my Dad was talking to me about the rigors of growing up and eventually getting married.

Dad: "That's all part of growing up, soon you will have to go through the 3 rings of marriage." a smirk grows on his face

Me: "What are those?"

Dad: "Engagement ring, wedding ring, and then suffering."

Any time someone brings up the topic he manages to get this joke in.

There are 3 rings in marriage, not just the two. The first: The engagement ring, second the wedding ring, and third the suffeRING..