Teacher: "Use the word sugar in a sentence."

Student: "The tea is too sweet."

Teacher: "Where is sugar in the sentence?"

Student: "In the tea!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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Teacher: Use the word oath in a sentence

Student: Mike Tyson eaths oaths for breakfasth every morning

Edit: made this up today, have merthy on my thoul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/traceywashere
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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A group in Denmark is trying to convince the government to use old Legos to re-pave their highways...

...unfortunately, they've been running into a lot of road blocks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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What kind of batteries do they use in Canada?

Triple Eh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrgonz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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(OC) Why do magicians not use horses in their acts?

Because they aren’t just difficult, they are neigh impossible!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/faux_real_yo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Teacher: Use the word β€˜intermittent’ in a sentence.

I said: While I was camping it began to rain hard so I ran intermittent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Sidgio
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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What time do they use in space?

Light years

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperGinger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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What do anti-police protesters use to move around in New York City?

A cab

(It came to mind and I have no wish for it to be political)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BassBoostedFlute
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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An independent study showed that the average household in America uses 3.14 pumpkins between Halloween and thanksgiving

No wonder they call it pumpkin pi!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alastrel3000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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What do you tell a Jedi-in-training that struggles to use chopsticks at a Chinese buffet?

Use the forks, Luke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstrosAtoZ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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What does a Rastafarian use to keep his beer cool in the hot tub?

A jah-koozie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsblues
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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Do you use toilet seat liners in public restrooms?

Or do you not give a crap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/platformjuan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.

So it can lift me up and make my day better.

I tried to OC.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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I use Ironman sounds in my phones event calander for important stuff.

It's a Stark reminder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zerogummi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Even if you use fresh water in a water gun...

It's still assault water.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cindolintoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Why do they always use thieves as the high speed units in RPGs?

Because they're so dodgy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSquigles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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What type of currency do aliens use in outer space?

Starbucks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sh3dinja
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with

a Re post.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Scientists have discovered the trick STIs use to spread in Alabama

Mum-to-sis

If this isn't original then I seriously spent a whole 20 mins on nothing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kayserchan13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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What does Pixar use in their printers?

Monsters Ink

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pholidotes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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The school made the use of "bullet points" illegal because it incited violence in the classroom, and I must admit I couldn't have cared less. That's all changed now, though.

The bus driver isn't allowed to drive my kids anymore because we live on a dead end street.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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Why does NASA give astronauts pencils to use in space?

Because they've got the Write Stuff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"

It didn't help, but I knew he meant well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HarryGoLocky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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I finally got to cash in on a joke today that I’ve been looking for a reason to use for years

Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.

We got back to the house and my nephew said...

Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.

Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?

Nephew: no. Is it still broken?

Me: yeah. There’s a big crack in it still.

He didn’t get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I don’t care.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LostPin
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Here’s a plastic fork to keep in your car, I didn’t use it.

It’s very forktunate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Original joke time! The apples I had to remove the peals from all appeared in twos, matched for use together.

They pared up nicely.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?

Because its non stick.

Source: my actual Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LippyHippy23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you cut the ocean in half?... you use a sea saw

You use a sea saw!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hvmetalhead
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
It is weird to see signs that say "In case of fire, don't use elevator". Everyone knows water is better to put on fires than an elevator.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goodlyearth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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I taught my four year old son how to use the word abundance in a sentence.

He said "thanks Dad, that really means a lot".

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/virtual_no_body
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
They are discussing bringing in fruit to use against the protesters!

Next wave of enforcement will be Apricops

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosBadger777
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Do they use cell phones in prison?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hesso921
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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They finally invented a golf ball that uses GPS signal to locate the hole, and then roll in.

Just dont put it your back pocket.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squirrel_MD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,

I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxUsernameMichael
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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What do you use to put a bolt in someones back?

A double crossbow.

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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Once, there was an elderly Italian who taught others to use mint in their cooking.

He gave sage advice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LthlPnc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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What will newborn babies become if the Goverment use them in a secret military project?

They wil be some fine ass Infantry

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomaima1010
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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I cannot and will not ever use a plastic knife in any situation

It never makes the cut

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beebeepsheep
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
(OC) Why do magicians not use horses in their acts?

Because they aren’t just difficult, they are neigh impossible!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/faux_real_yo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What currency do astronauts use in space?

Starbucks.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report

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