I have a busy morning at work, but had to take a poop...

I ain’t got time for this shit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leeericewing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Good looking people are always busy

I could tell you why, but I'm busy right now

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?

By shooting stars

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pillaryspud
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikthise042
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to work in a restaurant abnd my specialty was to make the icecreams and cakes, due to my busy schedule I had to quit...

Nonetheless they all call me a deserter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lowlz13
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
We used to live on a very busy main road.

But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move into a house.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What was wrong with the busy octopus?

Nothing, he was just octopi’d.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/newfoundrapture
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
While they might not look like it, trees love to be busy.

They wood hate to be board to death.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s been a busy day, so I was planning on making some herbal tea..

But I just can’t seem to find the thyme!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElKaboutertje1991
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I rang a miner but he was busy...

He said: can I coal you back?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My local priest said he couldn't make it to dinner. He was busy exorcising our neighbours demons.

That's really nice of him. It's important that her demons stay healthy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, β€œYou know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”

He said, β€œI hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you keep a Redditor busy? Just see the post below.

How do you keep a Redditor busy? Just see the title above.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
It's been very busy at work and everyone is stress eating. A lot of us are snacking on Doritos and I know exactly why

It's cruch time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sad-Crow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad's been busy

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

  1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

  6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

  13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

  14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

  1. Took a bo
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the almonds cross the busy road?

'Cause they were nuts...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NitrousPC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Busy busy beez
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeaTHly_HallOW17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Mr. T always busy?

Because he's always in the middle of something.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/take_XD_care
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm a Historian. When People Ask Me if My Work Keeps Me Busy, I Always Have to Tell Them:

I've got a lot of time on my hands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slcrook
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸ˜”Mom: "I know your brother is overly anxious, but I think the best way out of this is to get busy... Where does he work again ?"

πŸ€₯Dad: "He's insecurity"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My son is always busy at the herb store

But when i call him,he always has thyme to talk

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaveConnoisseur
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I was busy Roman around when I found this restaurant i.reddituploads.com/e5dd8…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexV798
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Boss texts me: β€œSend me one of your funny jokes!” I reply: β€œI’m busy working. I’ll send one later.”

Boss texts me: β€œThat’s hilarious, send me another one!”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pgtart
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog swallowed a watch. So I’m keeping myself busy by giving him laxatives and prune juice every hour.

Anything to pass the time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Chris is very busy.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/szaboszobo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
🚨︎ report
A busy bartender might be also be described as a tap dancer.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a busy, handsome guy

A β€œhot commodity

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpeediestMoon1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I am busy wrting a sharp joke , I just need to reword it

ti

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punnycobi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the vacuum so busy?

It had to do an air-rend

^^^first ^^^OC ^^^pun ^^^here ^^^pls ^^^be ^^^gentle

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aft2001
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm busy. I'll call you later.

: Hi busy.. don't call me later, call me dad.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gautam_3vil
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I called the urologist on what must have been a busy day.

The receptionist said, "Urology department, can you hold?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zanman28
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
The city council wanted to install a new traffic light at the busy intersection

They just needed the mayor to green light the project

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Busy transport really brings people together.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
The lone Subway worker was too busy today and ran out of buns, so there was only flatbread left*

He didn't rise to the occasion

*true story

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2017
🚨︎ report
My daughter was ignoring her mother. She was 'busy playing', so I told her to tell her mother she loved her from over there

Yes... she said "I love you momma from over here"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xoke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
🚨︎ report
We were walking past a busy ramen stand called Kiki

Girlfriend: It's too bad they don't have a Delivery Service

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Commod0re
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you keep a Reddit user busy?
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report

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