Busy Tonight Puns

After finding some time for a date night/sexy time in our busy schedules we went out to dinner at Qdoba because we're too cheap to afford much else right now. While eating my burrito I must have chomped down HARD on the aluminum foil and my lip started bleeding.

She looks at me and says "Irony: we plan a night to have sex and you cut your lip on a burrito."

I responded "Iron-y: the taste of my kisses tonight."

Wife: Do we have thyme? I want to make dinner tonight.

Me: Idk, friday nights are always pretty busy.

I'm a server in a busy restaurant, and this conversation happened at the server station this evening.

Me: How many servers are on the floor tonight?

Another Server: I think there are seven of us.

Third Server: Seven, eh? It's a prime team tonight!

Several people looked confused, a few groaned, and I cracked up.

Been working an unpaid internship for the last three months. Tonight is the company's party for their 5th anniversary in business.

Dad: "Are they gonna cover your drinks."

Me: "I sure hope so. If it's not open bar, I'll be pissed."

Dad: "No you won't, you'll be sober."

Shoulda seen that one coming...