If Volkswagen makes a luxury electric car I want it to be called

Volt swaggin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salmon-Warrior
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Why is Finland known for its luxury goods?

Because in Finland they know Finnish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HueyLameass
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Attorney Lex Lawson seeks out elegant and luxurious cafes wherever he goes. He has been widely recognized as a persistent .........

ambience chaser

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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People have been able to change their big weddings to smaller affairs during the pandemic. But melons don't have that luxury.

They cantaloupe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlwaysTheNoob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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What do you call a luxury burger from Europe?

A Luxembourger!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Duug
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Need help with a pun

I work for a flooring company and my boss asked me to design some merch. He asked for a flooring pun I could put on a T Shirt. Any ideas??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raistrikk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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I was pretty well off before my divorce settlement...

but now I’m in the lapse of luxury

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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Guy got his luxury car t-boned in an accident

Suppose he saw how the Mercedes-Benz

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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I was thinking about buying a luxury boat

But it costs a yacht more than I thought

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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I just traded our luxury bed for a trampoline

My wife hit the roof

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterbill
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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This one gave me a good chuckle
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Emmet_Brown
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who was looking at luxury cars during his child's birth?

He was having a midwife crisis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bag06a
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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What do you call a luxury car made out of wood?

A Lumberghini.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CylindricalWindow
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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I saw an ad yesterday for a free luxury pillowcase.

It was just a sham.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IBreakForFunyuns
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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My wife and I stayed in a luxury hotel last night. There were many cultural art pieces and the toilets were even imported from Africa!

https://imgur.com/a/1VVnfTN

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πŸ‘€︎ u/readit16
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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The first luxury hotel in space has been announced

I hear the service is going to be out of this world.

https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/aurora-station-luxury-space-hotel/index.html

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maerdnacirema
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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If Fitbit and Rolex teamed up to make a luxury/premium fitness tracker...

...would they call it a Swolex?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/celticwhisper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2015
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What do you call a luxury car used to deliver sandwiches in India?

A Lincoln Sub Continental

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthLithgow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2017
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My 16 yr old son loves muscle cars and luxury cars. He noticed a beautiful Lexus next to us at a light. I told him too bad Lexus doesn't make a muscle car.

They could call it Flexus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iJohnny0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2016
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dad dropped this one in a Mexican restaurant last night.

Waitress asking us if we've finished our food: "are you finish?" Dad: "No, we are Danish"

dad then proceeds to erupt in laughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brandtschill
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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old maths teacher joke

Our teacher used to love that joke - 25 years ago...

.

A veteran maths teacher on a crap state-paid salary leaves his local mall and heads for his battered old car. When he has nearly reached it, he sees a big, expensive, luxury vehicle pulling into a parking spot nearby, and when the driver gets out he recognises him as one of the stupidest students he ever had.

He approaches him and the two get chating; and it turns out the guy buys and sells specialised cardboard-boxes which companies use to ship delicate goods in.

Finally the teacher says: "You really seem to have done well for yourself. I must admit that I am a bit surprised. Because you never really were all that talented in shool, were you?"

And the guy smiles and answers: "Yes, well, you know, there is not that much too it, really. I buy cardboard boxes for 1 dollar a piece, and I sell them for 4 dollars a piece. And I live off that 3% profit margin."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scrugulus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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Perks of being a Dog

A dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

He has his food prepared for him.

He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.

His meals are provided at no cost to him.

By the way he does not need to pay for medical insurance.

He visits the doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.......

..

..

..

..

A dog is like a β€œPOLITICIAN”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ammabmma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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My daughter's teacher told her class that flying cars are going to be available next year...

And apparently, it's true:

http://money.cnn.com/2015/05/18/luxury/flying-cars-aeromobil/

So my daughter has been talking nonstop about them and how she wants me to get one.

I told her I don't think they'll ever take off.

She kept talking...I guess my joke went over her head...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sparkstalker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2016
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So, my dad's driving a rental car...

Normally, my dad drives a more luxurious car, but he's rented some model of Toyota since one of the tires on his car is blown out. My brother and I are sitting in the back and as he's fiddling with the buttons, my brother says,

"Hey, dad, where are the buttons for the heated seats?"

To which my father sharply replies, "They're in the Jaguar."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuiteRadical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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