Profuse Puns

What a pore sole

It meant a lot

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

“Yes of course” replied Trevor

Apologize profusely

Mom: Stares at Dad

Dad: Clenches fist

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: Sweats Profusely

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

Son: "No dad, I'm serious!"

Dad: "You're serious? I thought you were Gay!"

The woman driving apologized profusely.

A man was a petrol station. He fills up his car but spills some on pertol his arm as he puts the pump away. He pays and leaves. As he drives away, he lights a cigarette and his arm on fire. He frantically waves his burning arm out the window and a police officer behind him pulls over and helps him put it out.

The man thanks him profusely. The officer says, "No problem but unfortunately I'll still have to charge you."

The man asks, "charge me? What for?"

The officer replies, "unregistered firearm."

He apologized profusely, but I just told him, "You dim sum, you lose some."

Dad: calls them over after meal Waiter, this food is disgusting

Waiter: Apologises profusely

Dad: And another thing, the portions aren't big enough

Cue awkward laughter

So I was having dinner with my father attempting to describe to him a bad experience I had while playing a game of League of Legends with my boyfriend. The conversation went as follows. " SO yeah, I was Evelynn a champion who can go invisible and my boyfriend told me to go back door their nexus, which is to go attack it when the team isn't there to defend it's kinda a cheep tactic, but ended up not working. Sigh" I look up at him and he replied completely straight-faced "At least you can't get pregnant that way" Needless to say I blushed profusely.

So my dad was about to open his presents, and my mom said "the red bow is from me and the others are from the kids." So he opened the presents from the kids first, and about 5 minutes later, takes the bow off of the present my mom gave and then started thanking her profusely for the beautiful bow. It took me a second to get it but man it was a good one.

I had something stuck in my eye so I was itching it profusely

Me: God there's something in my eye Dad: It looks like it's a finger.

When one of them hit a ball that went straight into my ear. He immediately started apologizing profusely, and I told him it was ok.

After a minute of trying to walk off the pain he asked me if I was mad at him, to which I replied, "No, I'm not mad, just a little ear-itated."

We all laughed hysterically for a couple more minutes then went back to playing.

I decided to order tea. A few minutes after the tea arrived at my table, my roommate accidentally knocked it over. He was apologizing profusely and I told him to sleep with one eye open, because the consequences for his actions will be steep.

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

She opens my cabinet and turns to me and says "You have ants in here!" I look at her confused and say "What?!" i rush over to see the movie "Antz" sitting on the shelf... I stared at her profusely.

Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"

Mom: *staring at dad

Dad: ...*clenches fists

Mom: ...don't!

Dad: *sweats profusely

Mom:

Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD

Dad: clenches fist

Mom: DON’T

Dad: sweats profusely

Mom: ...

Dad: HI GAY I’M DAD

Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"

Mom: *staring at dad

Dad: ...*clenches fists

Mom: ...don't!

Dad: *sweats profusely

Mom:

Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD

Kudos to @Lerky on Twitter

Mom: Stares at Dad

Dad: Clenches Fist

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: Sweats Profusely

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, IM DAD"

Grandma: Stares at Grandpa

Grandpa: Clenches Fist

Grandma: "Don't!"

Grandpa: Sweats Profusely

Grandma: "..."

Grandpa: "HI DAD, I'M GRANDPA"

Son: "HI GRANDPA, I'M GAY"

Mom: Stares at Dad

Dad: Clenches fist

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: Sweats Profusely

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

Mom: Stares at Dad

Dad: Clenches fist

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: Sweats Profusely

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

 

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