Family Practice Puns

Suddenly qualified to tell dad jokes

I'd announce to my family that "I'm going to take a shower," or "I'm off to swim practice" and my dad would instinctively respond, every single time... "don't get wet." For some reason, it was hilarious to him! And now I say it to my housemates...

My professor was talking about how people need to practice their monologues around others not just themselves.

Professor: You need to practice these everywhere. Recite it to your family, your friends, your dog, even your refrigerator!

Me: I don't know about that one, my fridge can be pretty cold at times.

The the whole family (my mom, dad, and two sisters) are sitting in the living room and my mom asked me to pick up some ingredients from the grocery store. She starts listing them out loud, "I'll need heavy cream, eggs, milk-"

At which point I interrupt to ask what size eggs she needs (i.e. AA etc.) and she responds "It doesn't matter just make sure they're large - oh and cage free"

My dad immediately came back, "Cage-fee? What are you worried about - that the cake will get away?"

My dad immediately does his troll grin and my mother looks at him with a years practiced look of "how did you ever trick me into marrying you"

Naturally this was followed by my nine year old sisters falling apart into giggles, and eventually me too. My mother looks at us like she's thinking to herself "They must have switched all three of my babies at the hospital" before looking up at the ceiling and saying, "I guess I'll write a list..."

Recently my grandmother bought me a pack of colored pencils, under the condition that I practice and eventually draw her something. I was visiting my family and telling my grandma about my attempts at using the pencils. I explained to her that I had drawn some okay hair, and an eye. My dad was in the room doing something or other and suddenly butts in, "An eye? Not an O or a U..?"

My grandma and I just groaned and continued our conversation while he chuckled to himself.